Why Criticism Hurts—And What to Say Instead

by : Dr. Lagrotte

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From a Couple’s Therapist Who’s Seen It All

Find out why criticism hurts in relationships and what to say instead. A couple’s therapist breaks it down with simple, real-life advice to help couples communicate with more care.

Ever had a fight with your partner and thought:
“That didn’t go the way I wanted it to…”

Maybe you were just trying to make a point, but before you knew it, one of you was defensive, the other was shutting down, and you were both emotionally checked out.

You’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken.
But let’s talk about what’s actually happening—and how to fix it.

😣 Why Criticism Hits So Hard

When you say something like:

“You never listen to me.”
“Why do you always make everything about you?”
“You’re just lazy when it comes to this stuff.”

…it might seem like you’re expressing frustration. But your partner? They hear it as an attack. That’s because criticism doesn’t just point out a problem—it makes it personal.

In therapy terms, it sounds like:

“You’re not just forgetting to do the dishes—you’re irresponsible as a person.”

And that’s why your partner gets defensive. Their brain hears danger, not “constructive feedback.”

🧠 A Quick Brain Science Moment

Our brains are wired to scan for threat. And even though you’re not in a battlefield, your nervous system still reacts like it is when someone criticizes you—especially someone you love.

So instead of solving anything, you both end up in a loop:

Criticism → Defensiveness
Defensiveness → Escalation
Escalation → Shutdown

Sound familiar?

🗣️ Okay… So What Do You Say Instead?

Here’s the good news: you can totally get your point across without triggering World War III. Here’s how:

✅ 1. Start with an “I” Statement

❌ “You never help me.”
✅ “I feel overwhelmed and could really use some help.”

Why it works: You’re sharing your experience, not attacking theirs.

✅ 2. Be Specific, Not Sweeping

❌ “You’re always on your phone.”
✅ “I felt hurt when I was telling you something important and you were scrolling.”

Why it works: It keeps the conversation grounded in a moment—not a personality flaw.

✅ 3. Make a Clear Ask

❌ “You don’t care about me.”
✅ “Could we put our phones down for dinner so we can connect?”

Why it works: It gives your partner a clear, loving way to show up for you.

✅ 4. Keep Your Tone Soft

Let’s be honest—how you say something is often more important than what you say.

Before you speak:

Take a deep breath
Ditch the sarcasm
Think: “Would I want someone saying this to me?”

✅ 5. Lead with Validation

Start with something kind—even just acknowledging that they’ve had a long day.

“I know you’ve been juggling a lot lately. There’s something I’d love to talk about when you’re ready.”

Why it works: It lowers defenses. They’re more likely to listen (and less likely to snap back).

❤️ Real Talk: We All Criticize Sometimes

Nobody communicates perfectly all the time—not even therapists. But the couples who learn to shift from criticism to curiosity? They fight less, laugh more, and feel safer with each other.

You can totally do this. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being intentional.

✨ Want to Get Better at This—Together?

If you and your partner are stuck in the same old arguments, therapy can help you break the cycle.

I work with couples who want to:

Communicate without blowing up
Feel more connected, not criticized
Rebuild trust and teamwork

👉 Click here to schedule a free consultation. Let’s help you both feel heard, supported, and on the same team again.

This entry was posted in Couples and tagged communication, Couples, criticism, marriage, relationships, talking on June 6, 2025 by Dr. Lagrotte.

Parenting Without Losing Your Relationship: Real Talk from a Couples Counseling Perspective

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples • Family • Parenting

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Parenting is no joke. Between sleepless nights, endless messes, and constantly being “on,” it’s easy for your relationship to take a backseat. And if you’re starting to feel more like roommates than romantic partners? You’re not alone.

As couples counselors, we hear it all the time: “We never have time for each other anymore.” Or “We keep arguing about how to handle the kids.” The truth is, parenting adds stress—but it can also strengthen your bond if you know how to navigate it together.

So if you’re looking for real-life parenting advice with a side of relationship support, you’re in the right place. Here’s how to stay connected and handle parenting like a team.

1. Communicate Like Teammates, Not Opponents

One of the most common issues we see in couples therapy is communication breakdown—especially around parenting. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do need to talk about it without turning it into a battle.

Relationship tip: Set aside time each week to check in—no kids, no distractions. Talk about what’s working and what’s not. This kind of regular, low-stress communication can prevent bigger blowups later.

Keyword insight: Strong communication in relationships helps prevent parenting conflicts.

2. Respect Each Other’s Parenting Style

You’re two different people. It’s normal to have different approaches—whether that’s about discipline, screen time, or whether ketchup belongs on mac and cheese. The key is not letting those differences drive a wedge between you.

Pro tip from couples counseling: Try to understand where your partner is coming from. Maybe their parenting style comes from how they were raised—or what they wish had been different. The more empathy, the better.

Keyword insight: Co-parenting advice starts with mutual respect and understanding.

3. Share the Mental and Physical Load

Parenting isn’t just about doing the dishes or driving to soccer—it’s also about remembering school events, managing doctor appointments, and making sure the right size shoes are in the closet. That mental load is real—and unevenly shared in many relationships.

What works: Make the invisible visible. Use shared calendars, apps, or even just a whiteboard on the fridge. Divide tasks based on strengths, not assumptions.

Keyword insight: Equally sharing the mental load is key to reducing resentment in relationships.

4. Keep the Relationship a Priority

It’s easy to fall into survival mode and put your relationship last. But connection matters. When you prioritize your bond, everything else gets easier—yes, even parenting.

Simple ways to reconnect: A quick walk together, a coffee date, or even a few minutes of talking without phones after the kids are asleep. Little things add up.

Keyword insight: Couples counseling encourages intentional connection to strengthen relationships during parenting.

5. Know When to Ask for Help

If you’re stuck in the same arguments or feeling distant, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Couples counseling offers tools to improve communication, handle stress, and rediscover what brought you together in the first place.

Remember: Seeking help isn’t a failure—it’s a sign you care.

Keyword insight: Parenting support through therapy helps couples grow stronger and more aligned.

Final Thoughts

You’re doing one of the toughest jobs there is—raising kids while trying to stay close as a couple. It’s messy, imperfect, and totally worth it. And with a little intention (and maybe a little counseling support), you can parent as a team and stay connected.

Need help finding your rhythm as parents and partners? We offer specialized couples counseling to help you thrive in both roles. Reach out today to schedule a session.

This entry was posted in Couples, Family, Parenting and tagged communication, Couples, parenting, Stress on May 21, 2025 by Dr. Lagrotte.

The Difference Between Intimacy and Passion—And Why Your Relationship Needs Both

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples

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It’s a question I hear often in couples counseling:

“Why do we feel so close… but so far apart at the same time?”

More often than not, the answer lies in understanding the difference between intimacy and passion in relationships—and how they function differently in long-term love.

We tend to think of them as a package deal. In the beginning, the emotional closeness and romantic spark often come naturally and intensely. But over time, many couples start to feel a shift. You may still love each other, but something feels flat or disconnected.

Let’s explore how both emotional intimacy and romantic passion work—and how therapy can help when passion fades in a relationship.

Intimacy: The Quiet Strength of Connection

Emotional intimacy is the closeness that builds through trust, shared vulnerability, and everyday connection. It’s what makes you feel safe, seen, and supported by your partner.

Healthy intimacy looks like:

Open, honest communication
Feeling emotionally safe together
Deep understanding and empathy

In relationship therapy, we often describe intimacy as the foundation of a healthy bond. Without it, things can feel shallow—even if passion is present.

But too much comfort, without renewal, can lead to disconnection. That’s where passion comes in.

Passion: The Spark That Fuels Desire

Passion is the romantic and physical energy that makes a relationship feel alive. It brings desire, excitement, and flirtation. Think of it as the electricity between you.

Passion often feels effortless in the early stages of dating. But over time—especially in long-term relationships or during stressful seasons—it can fade. That doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means it’s time to reignite the spark.

In therapy, we help couples find ways to rebuild passion through:

Novelty and new experiences
Reconnecting through physical affection
Rebuilding attraction through emotional vulnerability

Why Relationships Need Both Intimacy and Passion

When intimacy is strong but passion is low, the relationship can start to feel more like friendship than romance. When passion is high but intimacy is missing, things may feel exciting but emotionally unstable.

For a relationship to thrive long-term, both elements need attention. You need to feel emotionally close and romantically desired.

If you’re feeling distant from your partner or struggling to reconnect, it’s often because one of these areas has gone quiet.

How to Reconnect as a Couple

Here are some ways to strengthen both intimacy and passion in your relationship:

Talk about more than just logistics. Make space for conversations about feelings, dreams, and fears.
Share new experiences together. Trying something new boosts novelty and can reignite passion naturally.
Practice physical affection. Touch, cuddling, and kissing—without expectation—help reconnect emotionally and physically.
Be vulnerable. Let your partner see the parts of you that feel tender. Vulnerability invites intimacy.
Seek support if you’re feeling stuck. Sometimes, relationship counseling provides the tools and structure couples need to move forward.

When to Consider Couples Counseling

If you’ve been asking yourself “Why does it feel like we’re just roommates?” or “What happened to our spark?”—you’re not alone.

In therapy for couples, we explore what’s working, what’s missing, and how to rebuild a connection that feels strong, safe, and passionate again.

Whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years, your relationship can grow—and so can your connection.

Ready to reconnect with your partner?
Let’s talk. Call or email to explore how couples therapy can help you build both emotional intimacy and lasting romantic passion.

This entry was posted in Couples and tagged communication, Couples, intimacy, passion, relationships, talking, therapy on May 4, 2025 by Dr. Lagrotte.

Financial Infidelity: Are You or Your Partner Keeping Money Secrets? (Take the Quiz!)

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples • Infidelity

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Let’s be honest—talking about money in a relationship can feel… ugh. Whether you’re trying to budget together, pay off debt, or just figure out who’s paying for dinner tonight, it’s not always easy.

But what happens when one of you starts hiding financial stuff from the other? That’s what we call financial infidelity—and it can sneak into relationships more easily than you think.

Before we dive in, let’s find out where you stand. 👇

💸 QUIZ TIME: Are You (or Your Partner) Being Totally Honest About Money?

Grab a pen, or just keep a mental tally. Answer YES or NO to the following:

Have you ever hidden a purchase from your partner?
Do you have a secret credit card, bank account, or stash of cash?
Have you lied about how much you earn, owe, or spend?
Do you get anxious when your partner brings up money?
Have you ever “accidentally” left out financial details?
Do you feel like your partner isn’t telling you everything about their finances?
Are financial decisions mostly made by just one of you?
Do you or your partner get defensive when asked about money?
Have you avoided checking your joint finances because you “don’t want to know”?
Do you feel like money is a constant source of tension or secrecy?

Now tally up:

0–2 YES – You’re probably in a pretty healthy spot, financially speaking! Keep the open convos going.
3–5 YES – Some red flags are popping up. Might be time to sit down and get real with each other.
6+ YES – There may be some serious financial secrets going on. A heart-to-heart (and maybe a pro) could help you get back on track.

So, What Is Financial Infidelity?

It’s when one person hides or lies about money stuff in a relationship. This could be as “small” as a hidden purchase or as big as a secret debt.

And no, it’s not just about being shady—it often comes from fear, guilt, or just not knowing how to bring it up. But that doesn’t make it harmless. Money lies can break trust just like any other kind of cheating.

Common Signs of Financial Infidelity

Unexplained charges or missing money
A partner gets weirdly defensive about financial questions
Surprise debts or bills
Secret spending or hidden accounts
You feel like you’re not part of major financial decisions

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not doomed. 💬

What to Do if It’s Happening

Talk it out (without blame) – No yelling matches. Just honesty.
Lay everything out – That means ALL the accounts, debts, and spending.
Figure out the “why” – What’s behind the secrecy? Fear? Shame? Control?
Work on a plan – Budget, save, or get out of debt together.
Rebuild the trust – Slowly, with consistency and openness.
Call in the pros if needed – Therapists and financial advisors can be game-changers.

How to Keep Your Finances Honest & Healthy

💬 Talk about money regularly – Even if it’s just once a month.
💡 Agree on spending boundaries – Like “no surprise purchases over $200.”
🔐 Use tools together – Budgeting apps like YNAB or Mint can help keep things transparent.
❤️ Make money goals a couple thing – Save for a trip, pay off debt, dream big together.

Final Thoughts

Financial infidelity might not be as talked about as cheating—but it can do just as much damage. The good news? With some honesty, teamwork, and maybe a little outside support, it can be fixed.

You’re not alone, and your relationship (and your finances) are absolutely worth working on.

This entry was posted in Couples, Infidelity and tagged communication, Couples, finances, financial infidelity, infidelity on April 10, 2025 by Dr. Lagrotte.

How Does Online Infidelity Affect Relationships?

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples • Infidelity • Therapy

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Have you ever caught your partner secretly chatting with an ex on Facebook? Or maybe you’ve been the one sliding into someone’s DMs when you shouldn’t. You might think cheating is straightforward, but the online world has blurred those lines. When it comes to online infidelity, you’re dealing with a whole new ballgame. It’s not just about physical encounters anymore. Emotional cheating is when you’re sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, and experiences with someone who isn’t your partner. You might not be physically touching, but you’re definitely crossing some boundaries.

Sharing personal secrets
Flirting through texts or social media
Turning to someone else for emotional support

These might seem harmless, but they can pack a punch to your relationship’s trust.

Physical Cheating Goes Virtual

Ever heard of physical cheating online? Yep, it’s a thing. Think of sexting, exchanging explicit photos, or even virtual sex. While you’re not physically in the same room, these acts are still considered sexual in nature and can be just as hurtful to your partner. Remember, what counts as cheating can vary from couple to couple. After all, in the digital age, infidelity is just a click away.

The Impacts of Online Infidelity on Relationships

You might think that what happens online stays online, but when it comes to infidelity, the virtual world can have very real consequences for your relationship.

Trust Takes a Hit

When you discover your partner’s been unfaithful online, it’s like a wrecking ball to your trust. Suddenly, every notification on their phone becomes suspicious, and you might find yourself questioning everything they say. It’s a tough spot to be in, and rebuilding that trust? It’s no walk in the park.

Emotional Distance Grows

Online affairs can create a Grand Canyon-sized gap between you and your partner. You might feel betrayed, angry, or just plain hurt. Meanwhile, your partner might be dealing with guilt or trying to justify their actions. This emotional rollercoaster can leave you both feeling miles apart, even when you’re in the same room.

Self-Esteem Struggles

Finding out your partner’s been chatting with someone else online can damage your self-esteem. You might start questioning your worth or wondering what the other person has that you don’t. It’s an easy mental trap to fall into, but remember, their actions are about them, not you.

Intimacy Issues

When the trust is gone, physical intimacy often follows suit. You might find yourself less interested in being close to your partner, or they might pull away out of guilt. Either way, this lack of connection can further strain your relationship, creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.

Rebuilding Trust After Online Infidelity

So, you’ve discovered your partner’s online infidelity. As painful as it can be, it doesn’t need to be the death knell of your relationship. Rebuilding trust is possible, though it’ll take time, effort, and much patience.

Open Up Those Communication Lines

First things first, you need to talk it out. And we mean really talk. No holding back, no sugar-coating. Be honest about your feelings, and encourage your partner to do the same. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s crucial for healing. Remember, this isn’t a one-and-done conversation. You’ll need to keep the dialogue going as you work through this together.

Set Clear Boundaries

Now’s the time to establish some ground rules. What’s okay and what’s not when it comes to online interactions? It may be time to unfriend certain people or limit social media use. Whatever you decide, make sure you’re both on the same page. Don’t be afraid to ask for transparency, either. If seeing your partner’s phone or computer would help ease your mind, speak up. Just be careful not to let it turn into constant surveillance — that’s not healthy for anyone.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, a neutral third party can work wonders. Consider couples therapy to help navigate this rough patch. A therapist can provide tools and strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

This digital form of infidelity erodes trust, breeds insecurity, and can leave both partners feeling betrayed and confused. But all hope isn’t lost if you find yourself in this situation. We can help you navigate this path through our marriage, betrayal, or infidelity counseling sessions. Book a consultation with us today.

This entry was posted in Couples, Infidelity, Therapy and tagged communication, Couples, infidelity, marriage, relationships, social media, therapy on August 23, 2024 by Dr. Lagrotte.

The Influence of Family Background and Romantic Compatibility

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples • Family

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While physical attraction and shared interests certainly play a role, research suggests that family background differences also impact a partnership’s longevity and success. The values and communication styles modeled in your family of origin significantly impact your choice of romantic partner.

If you grew up in a family openly discussing emotions, you may seek a partner who can communicate feelings easily. Conversely, if your family avoids emotional expression, you may feel most comfortable with a less expressive partner. Individuals from cultures that emphasize traditional gender roles often look for partners who will fulfill the complementary role. Those from cultures that espouse egalitarian relationships tend to seek partners with a similar outlook.

Relationship Dynamics

The communication patterns you observe within your family unit often translate to your romantic relationships.

Communication Habits

How your family communicated with one another in your formative years shapes your expectations and habits within your romantic partnerships. If your family was open, honest, and expressive, you likely value emotional intimacy and vulnerability in your relationships. Conversely, if your family is more reserved, you may struggle opening up to romantic partners or have difficulty broaching sensitive subjects.

Conflict Resolution

How your family navigated disagreements and interpersonal conflicts provides a model for approaching differences of opinion with your partner. You have well-developed conflict-resolution skills if your family can have constructive arguments and come to mutually agreeable solutions. However, suppose anger and aggression characterized disputes in your family of origin. In that case, you may have an adversarial approach to navigating conflicts with your partner or avoid disagreements altogether due to discomfort.

Expressing Affection

How your family expressed care, warmth, and affection toward one another shapes your own expression of affection in relationships. If your family was openly affectionate, you likely value physical intimacy and words of affirmation from your partner. If affection in your family is more restrained, you may struggle to express emotion or feel uncomfortable receiving loving gestures from your partner. However, these dynamics are complex, and there are many exceptions to these general patterns.

Attachment Styles

Your attachment style refers to how you relate to people in close relationships. It is shaped by your interactions with caregivers during infancy and childhood. Knowing your attachment style and your partner’s can help strengthen your connection.

Secure Attachment

If you had sensitive and responsive caregivers, you likely developed a secure attachment style. You feel comfortable with intimacy and independence, and you trust that your partner will be there for you when needed.

Anxious Attachment

If your caregivers are inconsistent or unresponsive, you may have an anxious attachment style. You crave intimacy and worry about being abandoned. You may come across as clingy or jealous in relationships.

Avoidant Attachment

If your caregivers were distant or rejecting, you probably have an avoidant attachment style. You value independence over closeness and have difficulty trusting others. You may seem aloof or dismissive in relationships.

Assessing Compatibility — Going Beyond Surface-Level Connection

To determine whether a romantic connection will endure, you must evaluate compatibility on a deeper level.

Shared values and life goals. Do you have a similar outlook on major life decisions like marriage, children, finances, and careers? Aligning these fundamental areas establishes a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

Communication style. Discussing challenging topics respectfully and finding compromise requires compatible communication approaches. Consider how you handle conflict, express affection, share details of your life, and engage in meaningful conversations.

Emotional and intellectual rapport. The strongest relationships are built on mutual understanding, support, and stimulation. Assess how well you connect emotionally and intellectually. Can you openly share feelings, pursue common interests, and challenge each other positively?

Commitment to personal growth. In order to thrive, relationships require continuous work and commitment to individual development. Consider each other’s willingness for self-improvement and ability to change behaviors damaging the relationship. With compatible dedication, you can evolve together in a healthy partnership.

As you navigate relationships, remember that shared values and life goals with your partner are just as critical to long-term success. Book marriage or premarital counseling today to learn how to take your relationship to another level.

This entry was posted in Couples, Family and tagged Couples, family, relationships on August 15, 2024 by Dr. Lagrotte.

How to Learn from Past Relationship Mistakes

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples

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As you look back on past relationships, dwelling on mistakes is natural. While reflection can provide insight, getting stuck in regret keeps you from moving forward. Rather than lamenting “what ifs,” view your relationship history as a learning experience. The challenges and missteps you’ve navigated have shaped who you are today.

To learn from past relationship mistakes, you must identify key issues. Analyze points of conflict and areas in which you struggled. Consider how you communicated and where you could have improved. Ask yourself hard questions to gain insight into your role in the relationship’s demise.

Once you identify issues, determine patterns. Do the same problems recur in your relationships? Are there certain types of partners or relationship dynamics you repeatedly choose that ultimately do not fulfill you? Recognizing unhealthy patterns is the first step to changing them.

Analyze Your Patterns

Recurring Themes

To avoid repeating mistakes, analyze your relationship history to identify themes. For example, do you frequently become involved with unavailable partners or struggle to communicate openly? Recognizing unhealthy patterns is the first step to changing them.

Attachment Style

Your attachment style refers to how you emotionally connect with romantic partners. If you have an anxious attachment style, you may worry about being abandoned and seek constant reassurance from your partner. An avoidant attachment style means you have difficulty trusting and depending on your partner. A secure attachment style leads to stable, healthy relationships. Knowing your attachment style can help you understand your behavior and needs.

Learn and Grow From Your Mistakes

To progress after a breakup, reflect on the experiences you’ve gained. Analyze what went wrong in the relationship and how you can grow from your mistakes.

Acknowledge Your Mistakes

It can be difficult, but take responsibility for your shortcomings. Perhaps you struggled with communication or jealousy. Recognize your faults and determine how to strengthen yourself in those areas going forward.

Forgive Yourself and Your Partner

Harboring resentment will only make you bitter. While the end of a relationship is hard, forgive yourself and your ex. This allows you both to move on in a healthy way. Forgiveness is for you, not them.

Prioritize Self-Care

Make self-care a top priority. Pursue hobbies, social engagements, and personal interests that boost your confidence from within. By valuing yourself, you establish standards for how you deserve to be treated in relationships. Healthy self-esteem will help you spot incompatible partners sooner and avoid unhealthy dynamics.

Develop Realistic Expectations

Do not search for an idealized partner. Instead, look for compatibility based on mutual understanding and respect. Understand that relationships require effort and compromise, not perfection, to thrive. With realistic expectations, you open yourself to finding a caring partner with whom you can build a sustainable connection over the long term.

Commit to Personal Growth

Use your newfound wisdom to better yourself. If you struggle with communication, take a class on those skills. If you want to build confidence, start a new hobby. Improving yourself will lead to healthier relationships down the road.

Moving Forward

The past cannot be changed, but you can learn from it.

Date Intentionally

When embarking on new relationships, be deliberate about your intentions and priorities. Seek partners with whom you share mutual care, trust, and values. Evaluate what you offer a partner, and look for those offering complementary traits.

Communicate Openly

Candid communication is key. Discuss your desires openly and listen without judgment. Share your fears and insecurities, as well as your hopes and dreams. Ask probing questions to foster understanding. Make requests clearly and check that your partner comprehends your meaning. Accept that misunderstandings will happen; commit to resolving them respectfully.

If you feel like you are repeating past relationship mistakes, counseling can be an excellent way to recognize and change patterns. Contact our office to book a consultation to see how we can help you in your future dating endeavors.

This entry was posted in Couples and tagged attachment style, communication, Couples, growth, learning, mistakes, relationships, self-care, working on your relationship on July 24, 2024 by Dr. Lagrotte.

Examining the Effect Unmet Childhood Needs Have on Adult Relationships

by : Dr. Lagrotte

Couples • Therapy

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Our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment style — our expectations for how relationships work. If your childhood needs weren’t fully met, you may have developed an insecure attachment style that sabotages your adult relationships. These childhood experiences shape how we view relationships, forming the internal working models of attachment we carry into adulthood. When your childhood needs for love, nurturing, and security are unmet, building healthy relationships as an adult can be difficult. Here is how our unmet childhood impacts our adult relationships.

Common Unmet Childhood Needs That Affect Relationships

Lack of Affection

Did your parents express affection openly while you were growing up? If not, you may struggle to show affection in your adult relationships. Physical touch and verbal affirmations are important for development, and their lack can affect your ability to be intimate with partners. Try to express affection, even if it feels unnatural at first. With practice, it will get easier.

Feeling Unheard

Children need to feel heard and understood. If your family didn’t allow you to share your thoughts and feelings, you probably felt lonely and unimportant. As an adult, you may be reluctant to open up to others or have difficulty listening without judgment. Work on improving your communication skills through active listening and speaking your truth with compassion.

Lack of Encouragement

Our self-esteem is profoundly shaped by the encouragement we receive in childhood. If you lack cheerleaders, you may doubt yourself and your abilities. Practice positive self-talk, celebrate your wins, and look for a partner who believes in and lifts you. You deserve to feel encouraged and supported.

Unreliability

If the adults in your life were unpredictable or undependable, you likely developed an anxious attachment style. You may cling to partners, fear abandonment, or have trouble trusting that your needs will be met. Look for reliable and consistent people with whom to build secure attachments. You can heal from an unreliable past through healthy relationships and learn to trust again.