Do You Feel Betrayed By Your Partner?
- Has your partner broken your trust and now you can’t move past the pain it has caused?
- Regardless of what the betrayal was—scrolling through bikini shots on Instagram, getting a lap dance at a strip club, or spending money without your knowledge—does it feel like you’ve been cheated on?
- Is your partner not acknowledging this breach, which puts strain on your relationship?
If you’ve caught your partner in a lie or found out they’ve been hiding something from you, it can be soul-crushing. Even though you might not be dealing with a full-fledged affair, you still feel every bit as betrayed by their secrecy. In an instant, your trust is broken, and you don’t feel the same about them.
Financial Betrayal Can Be As Wounding As Cheating
Perhaps your partner has been hiding their spending from you, and you’ve discovered your savings have been drained. Despite this sort of betrayal having nothing to do with sex, it can feel every bit as devastating. As you come to terms with this revelation, you might go through stages of shock, disbelief, anger, and confusion.
To make matters worse, maybe your partner doesn’t grasp the level of hurt they’ve inflicted on you. Just because the betrayal wasn’t sexual—like financial secrecy—they might not feel culpable. Or, according to your partner’s definition, they may think that going to a strip club, texting flirtatiously with a female co-worker, or looking at content on OnlyFans doesn’t constitute cheating.
Infidelity Is More Prevalent Than We May Think
Once trust is broken, you might become preoccupied with your partner’s behavior and feel compelled to check up on them. Although you don’t want to be a policeman, your preoccupation with being betrayed again makes you anxious and alters your normal behavior.
Although experiencing the trauma of betrayal can significantly change you as well as the dynamics of your relationship, therapy can help. By rebuilding trust and improving the dynamics of your relationship, you can heal from betrayal and move forward.
Hiding What We Do From Each Other Often Causes A Sense Of Betrayal
In relationships, what constitutes cheating is often subjective. But ultimately, what one partner perceives as a breach of trust is a valid concern. Regardless of what form the betrayal takes, whenever we feel we’ve been cheated on, it can trigger symptoms that resemble Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
As the Gottman Method has identified, a Cascade of Betrayal within the relationship may have begun when we stopped sharing our experiences and feelings with one another. In addition to the different types of sexual betrayal that might occur between partners, financial indiscretion can also break trust in a relationship.
With Counseling, Recovery From An Affair (And A Better Relationship) Is Possible
After an affair, feelings have been hurt, and trust has been broken. With this level of emotional turmoil, it's hard to know where to start the recovery process without guidance. As a counselor specializing in infidelity, I can help you calmly and objectively talk about what happened, identify and work on repairing the underlying cracks within your relationship, and, eventually, rebuild trust and intimacy.
Maintaining Separate Lives Often Leads To Future Problems
These days, many of us enter relationships with financial divisions, like maintaining separate bank accounts after marriage. If we never talk about the sensitive topic of money with each other, it can eventually lead to conflict. In addition to having ongoing disagreements about finances, a breach of trust in this arena can inflict significant trauma that disrupts our lives.
With the advent of technology, what constitutes betrayal has become increasingly blurred. As such, just because we feel cheated on doesn’t mean our partner will necessarily agree with us. Rather than acknowledge that trust has been broken, they might defend their actions by saying, “Everyone does this. It’s no big deal.” In turn, we might feel like our reaction is off base, and there must be something wrong with us to be so wounded.
Even if you’re not in agreement about whether or not someone cheated, whenever trust is broken, your relationship needs help to repair. If you’ve reached an impasse, a betrayal trauma recovery therapist can help you come to terms with the breach of trust that’s occurred so you can fix the damage it’s caused.
Therapy For Betrayal Trauma Can Help You Recover And Heal
Feeling betrayed by your partner is a level of hurt you didn’t sign on for when you got together. This pain can be exacerbated if your partner doesn’t perceive their actions as cheating. Therapy that addresses betrayal trauma can help you understand the norms around these issues and establish clear boundaries that work for both of you.
What you thought you knew about your relationship no longer matters—if your partner feels betrayed by your actions and trust has been broken, you need to work on the foundation of your relationship. In therapy, we assess your relationship to determine what is and isn’t working. Once we establish that a betrayal has happened, we can start to repair the cracks, whether by improving communication, fostering intimacy, or both.
What To Expect In Sessions
What may be acceptable to one person isn’t always acceptable to the other. Sometimes simply not sharing something important with your partner can be seen as a betrayal. In sessions, we will work on coming to a mutual agreement about what constitutes a breach of trust and establish boundaries to ensure trust is never broken in the future.
Trust can be restored once you can communicate openly and honestly with each other. With clearly defined ground rules, you will learn how to compromise without giving in and find better ways to work through disagreement and conflict. For example, maybe one of you scrolls through social media as a way to decompress, but if you’re mad from a fight, this coping mechanism may be perceived as hostile by your partner. Becoming aware of how they view your actions will help you both build empathy and understanding that will nurture your relationship.
Therapy for betrayal trauma gives you the time you need to get on the same page, redefine the terms of your relationship, and rebuild trust so you both feel more secure and comfortable. With therapy, you can recover from emotional trauma and move beyond betrayal.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Therapy For Betrayal Trauma Is Right For You...
Will going to betrayal therapy to address the trauma I’ve experienced help me trust my partner again?
Regardless of what form the cheating may have taken, recovery from betrayal trauma in marriage is something counseling can address. Although trust has been broken, in therapy, we can work on repairing the damage that’s been done. Understanding and talking about what constitutes a betrayal is something every couple should do. With open communication and understanding of each other’s comfort levels, we can identify how to improve your relationship.
I already broke up with my partner—is receiving counseling from a betrayal trauma recovery therapist still a good idea?
When you’ve been betrayed and your trust has been broken, it changes you. To successfully move forward and prevent any mistrust that exists from negatively impacting future relationships, it's best to address your emotional wounds sooner than later. Through effective therapy that helps you learn how to trust again, recovery from betrayal trauma is possible.
I worry my partner will never trust me again.
If your partner no longer trusts you, your relationship will suffer greatly. Whether they check up on you all the time or question your credibility, your dynamic may have significantly changed. In therapy for betrayal trauma, we will work incrementally to help you regain the trust that has been lost. Our goal will be to get you to the point where no one feels the need to check up on each other.
With Therapy, Trust Can Be Restored
Trust that has been broken can be repaired. If you would like to find out more about therapy for betrayal trauma with me, you can call (954) 840-3249, email me at jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com, or visit my contact page.