As a couple’s therapist I meet couples who want to work on their relationship of course and I have noticed that more and more couples do not sleep in the same bed together for various of reasons so i ask the simple question, should couples sleep in the same bed?

The Pros

Connection
Okay, yes if you have an enormous bed this might not apply to you but if you have a queen size bed like I do, then you can relate. At some point in the night, you will be in contact with your partner and that forms a connection.

Better Sleep
This can go both ways but I’m going to say that couples that sleep together get better sleep. Why, you ask? Because you have learned to ignore the outside noises that your partner makes and can overlook things. Better to sleep with for sure!

Pillow Talk
Along with the physical connection, you can have an emotional connection. We use our before bedtime for our “talk about the day ritual.” You can use it however you choose to, but do something to help you connect.

Couple Before Parents
Just going to put this one out there because it’s so needed. You are a couple and when your little lovies go to sleep, they are sleeping in their own beds, not in yours. That is the time for you to recharge, rejoice and enjoy being a couple.

The Cons

Different Schedules
If one of you works days and one of you works nights, then you cannot sleep together. If you can have a nap together at some point in the day, take it!

Health Problems
If one of you is sick or going through medical problems, then it makes sense to sleep apart, if it can be temporary then that’s best.

Fighting
Okay, I’m going to throw out the old myth that you should make up before bed. Sometimes you just can’t and you need a break from each other and that’s okay as long as you make-up and talk about it.

Sleep For Your Children
I’m a big believer in having children sleep in their own rooms, if you are working on this and need to sleep in there to get them used to it, go ahead, it’s only temporary.

Drum Roll Please

The bottom line is you should always sleep together. Yes, there are reasons you will need to sleep apart and let’s make sure that those are temporary. Sometimes it’s just easier to sleep apart, and we all know relationships are not easy. Take the time to make things work and work on it. If you need to sleep apart, still have those cuddle times and those “pillow talks”.

Do you sleep together or apart? I’m waiting to hear!

I look forward to hearing from you!! Reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know.

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