Finding out your partner has been unfaithful can be a jarring experience, regardless of if the infidelity was emotional or sexual, one time or repeat. Similarly, experiencing infidelity second-hand as a child or close friend can cause shockwaves.

But the truth remains that every person brings expectations to a relationship. When communicated, these expectations become boundaries. Violated boundaries and dashed expectations elicit a painful response that strikes from the core of your need for security and partnership. It shouldn’t be surprising that this can be imprinted as trauma.

Trauma is often triggered or set off by events, smells, situations, people, etc., that remind you of elements of infidelity. Your triggers may sabotage relationships or successes in your life.

And still, knowing all of this doesn’t get to the heart of why you’re here. How does one get past the triggers of infidelity?

Be Gentle

Before you go into fix-it mode, find yourself a moment of self-compassion. Self-compassion exercises allow you to speak kindly to yourself in moments of vulnerability. Many of these exercises are meditative and help to soothe fear responses. Try a few of Kristen Neff’s meditations at https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations

Grieve

Your infidelity triggers may show up in lifetimes past the event or directly after a violation. Allow yourself to be curious about what comes up. Grieving and authentically allowing the associated feelings to pass is a way of acknowledging your triggers. Common displays of grief show up as:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Journal the process

Journaling is an excellent way of clarifying what your triggers may be. By writing down your experiences, you may find patterns of triggers. This exploration allows you to renegotiate your boundaries with others around you. Journaling also allows you to tell or retell a narrative from a more helpful perspective.

Lean on Friends

Your support system is going to be comprised of many different people. Choose your core group wisely. It may be second nature to explain your triggers to others but try to find 2 or 3 people you can lean on. This way, you’re more likely to be supported and understood than having your feelings brushed to the side.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing actually works. It triggers your vagal nerve, the nerve responsible for activating relaxation and digestion. This nerve runs from your face through your internal organs, digestive tract, and bladder. To massage this nerve, deep breathing needs to be low and slow.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Set aside time to practice breathing.
2. Place one hand on your chest and the other on or below your belly button.
3. Breathe slowly and deeply through your nose, ensuring your belly button rises and your chest stays still.
4. Hold your breath for a few seconds.
5. Slowly exhale through your mouth.
6. Visualize your belly button moving back towards your spine and slightly up towards your stomach.
7. Repeat steps 3-5.

You can do this exercise as often as you need to. Just 10 minutes of deep breathing can help you relax, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being.

Group Support

Support groups are great ways to increase your understanding of infidelity-related triggers. There is no better way to gain perspective than listening to others going through similar situations.

And finally, enlist the support of a licensed therapist, mental health counselor, or clinical social worker. Moving through infidelity triggers can impact all areas of life. Look for therapists with a trauma background or those who specialize in infidelity. Call us today to schedule a consultation for affair recovery and learn about our practice. Your time and healing journey are worth the professional insight.