11555 Heron Bay Blvd #242, Parkland, FL 33076
Tag Archives: therapy
Relationship Seminar
On Wednesday evening, I had the opportunity to put on relationship seminar for some people in my community. Please enjoy the recorded video below.
Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMFT, LMHC is a family therapist in Coral Springs Florida, has been in practice since 2004 and a pioneer in online therapy solutions. With offices centrally located in Coral Springs Florida, she offers webcam and other convenient, online options in addition to conventional office visits. She specializes in families, couples and parental issues.
Once a month, Dr. Lagrotte will be holding therapy seminars at Congregation Kol Tikvah in Parkland, Florida and is free for all who attend. In addition, she will be publishing recordings of the seminars on her website in the seminars section at facetofacetherapy.com/seminars/
Saying yes to others means saying no to yourself!
I have said this phrase to people for a long time now, when you say yes to others you say no to yourself. So you might be asking, what does this mean. We all, mostly I mean myself have in the past spread myself way too thin and it has got me into trouble. I was a “yes” person and found it really hard to say no to people. Well, maybe it was because I was single or younger but I think I have finally found the balance and have learned to say NO.
I now have a career, a husband and two small children and it has made me realize how much more time I need for myself. I know sounds backwards right? When I was young and single I did not make time for myself but now I am older and wiser and I have learned the hard way that the only way to stay sane in this insane world is to make time for myself, have strong boundaries and still be the best person I can be. In fact, I do believe I am a better person with boundaries because I give where I want too and leave the rest for others.
People pleaser no more, I love people and helping them, hence my profession as a therapist, but I love even more the balance and boundaries that I have developed by learning the hard way “when you say yes to others, you say no to yourself”.
always living and learning
Venting vs Therapy
I have always enjoyed being a therapist because I have the wonderful opportunity of listening and helping individuals with issues that are disrupting to their everyday life. I believe we all need an outlet for expression which leads me to think about the differences between talking in therapy and venting to friends/family.
I recently counseled a couple and when you have 2 people especially 2 angry people you have 2 sides to your story. In the therapy room, I can be a reasonable voice in what seems to be endless he said/she said issues. Therapy is all about using “I” statements, and listening to yourself, your partner and your therapist.
So I want to share my professional opinion about the difference between venting and therapy.
VENTING is usually a one way street of releasing your inner emotions to normally a friend or family member. Naturally you would assume that venting to family and friends is perfect because they care. Actually that could be the problem. People who care for you will either be happy or concerned about you. So their advice would be bias along those lines.
THERAPY: is with a professional who have put in years of schooling and has added degrees to the understanding human behaviors and effective interventions. The only bias therapists have is to see you at your best with problem solving advice and long term solutions.
CONFIDENTIAL
VENTING: Even though you love your friends and family, you know there are just somethings you don’t even want them to know. Plus friends usually involve other to help come up with a solution.
THERAPY: It allows you to open up from deep within your soul and express what’s hiding in the corner. Never feel judged or scared that information will be leaked. A therapist will respect your privacy and keep the conversation one-on-one.
DIAGNOSIS
VENTING: Usually venting allows an individual to let go of the issues inside with the HOPE of finding an answer or comfort from the listener. Most of the time the listener will tell who is venting just what they want to hear.
THERAPY: You will receive professional help for your situation. Therapists are objective. We will tell you the best solution for your issues that you deal with. Since we are not part of your life there is not a concern about tainting the friend relationship.
I felt I had to express my thoughts on this subject because many individuals and skeptics think that “venting” is all you have to do to feel better. While feeling better could be a state that a client might reach, have answers and issues resolved is euphoria for the mind and soul.
Learning from mistakes
It is the Jewish New Year and that means you get to throw out your sins and start anew for this year. If it was only that easy. How do you throw out your mistakes? Better question is how do you learn from your mistakes. How many times have you been pulled over for a speeding ticket? Do you tell yourself that you will not EVER speed again! Ha, how long does that last you, a week a month, a day? So, what is the motivation to not repeat the same mistakes?
If you are married or live with a partner I am sure you are always wondering when your partner will learn from their mistakes. Seriously, how many times can one person do something before it can change. I think the route of change is that the mistake has to be big enough and hurt enough in order to want to change. Take the speeding ticket, okay you had to pay it and it was not fun, but did it affect you for the long run? Does your partner/spouse forgive your mistakes when you say you are sorry and will try to do better? If so, then where is the motivation to change?
I am a believer that people can change, hence I am a therapist and talk to people all the time that want change in their lives. The people that come to therapy seeking change are the ones that do the best in therapy. It is the ones that want others or their environment to change that get stuck in the therapy room. Does not matter how you get to therapy, just matters what you do once you are there. The only person that can change is you and even if your motivation is driven by your spouse or partner, they cannot help you. If you lie and want help to stop lying it resides in you to change.
So, I guess the moral here is that it’s not learning from your mistakes, its learning to change so you stop making mistakes or you fix those mistakes and find new ones to make!
If you have any ideas on how to change or fix your mistakes please leave a comment.
First Session
So I have my business cards, website is coming alone nicely and now I am gearing up for my first client. I got office space in Coral Springs, FL and I am ready to go! As I am going back to work after taking time off to have my children, I am reminded how important a first session is to myself and to my clients. There is a debate that my fellow students/teachers had in graduate school as to when the first session started. Does it start with the first contact? Or when you sit across from your client? Are you nervous, excited, happy or something else to be in the therapy room? Therapy to me is such a cool experience and I feel blessed to be able to call myself a marriage and family therapist. I believe the first session starts at the first contact whether it is on the phone or email. There is a reason why you are seeking out a therapy and the most important part of therapy is feeling comfortable with your therapist so to me that is all the first session is about.
What do I mean about joining? It is about sitting down with someone whether it is one person doing individual therapy or 2 or more people doing marital or family therapy and just talking. I find that when people finally get to therapy there is a lot to say and it is my job to listen. Sometimes we as therapists get caught up in doing too much in the first session and I find that if you just focus on listening people will come back.
What do you believe should be the most important aspect of the first session?
Happiness
So I asked my 3 1/2 year old daughter yesterday how I can make her happy. What is so unhappy about her life that makes her scream and whine all the time? I cannot see anything except the drama that involves being 3. This discussion with her got me thinking on how we define happiness in our own lives. Are we happy when we are financial secure or is it more personal than that. We have all heard the phrase money does not buy happiness so why is it that so many of us no matter of our financial situations are unhappy? Is it personal goals that make us happy? Are you always striving for something more which leads to a feeling of unhappiness? How do we work on happiness?
- For one thing you need to be okay with yourself, meaning being alone and finding things to do to make you happy.
- Are you always trying to impress others? Does this lead to a feeling of never being happy? The only person you need to impress is yourself.
- Do you have a hobby? Find enjoyment in life in all the things you do.
- Do you use your vacation time? If not request time off NOW! It is so important to leave work and have fun!
- Are you struggling with work or home issues? If so find the route of the problem and work, work, work on it.
- Do for yourself, treat yourself to happiness each day, find a rainbow, take a minute and look out the window or just help someone across the street.
What makes you happy? Let us know how you achieve happiness!
Business cards
I got my business cards last night and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked them. It turns out that it was second choices of pictures for me but as I always say things always work out the way they are supposed to. I was looking at images online and found a generic one for family counseling and when I was ready to buy it realized that it was the same image as a fellow therapist and at the last moment I had to change my image. Well, I found a much better image that has personal meaning to me and as I look back I was so happy that I did not use a generic image.
This got me thinking about our images and how we think of ourselves. I remember the movie American pyscho and the importance it placed on the business card which is supposed to represent who we are. Do we believe this? Can a small piece of paper really symbolize who we are? I took pride in my card and am wondering if others do the same?
Does your business card define who you are? Please let me know.
My thoughts on therapy
So this is my first blog since my first daughter was born 3 ½ years ago, yes I have been a busy girl since then. Had another daughter who is 14 months now and have been loving raising them. As I get back into the work area, I am wondering what therapy means to me and hence what it means to others.
I think therapy is important! To be able to go somewhere, work on yourself and improve your life and those around you is what it is all about. I have heard some horrible stories about people going to therapy and being disappointed and my answer to that is you haven’t found the right person to talk to yet. I get asked all the time what is the difference between going to therapy and talking to friends. My answer is that friends give advice and therapists’ make you come up with your own answers. That is at least what I believe to be true.
One of the first things I learned in my master’s program is that therapy is mostly about joining with your clients and I firmly believe in this. When you have a great relationship with your therapist you can feel comfortable talking about anything and it will still be okay. It is okay to get upset, cry or even laugh when you are with your therapist because showing emotion is the quickest way to solve your issues.
So how do you keep professional boundaries with your clients if you are joining with them and they are sharing the most intimate details of their lives with you? I believe it is the therapist’s job to maintain the boundaries and if clients want to blur those boundaries then a discussion needs to happen to make things clear again. We as therapists’ owe it to our clients to be professional and in that respect to help our clients without blurring the lines of our relationship.
I enjoy being a therapist and helping people. It took me a few years after college to figure out this is what I wanted to do, but once I did, I realized this is what I was made to do. I do not consider it work and I love talking to people and helping them.
I am hoping that I can create an enjoyable experience on this blog so if you have any questions or comments please feel free to leave them. As well as if you have any ideas on future blogs I would be happy to hear those ideas!