Tag Archives: summer
Summer Lovin’
May 23, 2023
Are you almost done with the school year? We might have 12 days left but who’s counting right? Are you looking forward to shutting off the alarms for that early wake-up or still waking up just not for anyone else but yourself? Are your after school activities and weekends suddenly look like a normal day and not jam packed with a thousand activities.
Yes, and how’s your relationship going? Are you still making time for yourself or with the mad rush to finish school, work, you are just getting by? Well, now that the pace is about to slow down, complaining less, and thankfully NO homework summer, can you find some time to reconnect as a couple?
I know that life is crazy busy all the time and there needs to be connecting with your partner everyday so if you have gotten off track, let’s figure out some things you can do together to reconnect this summer.
- Date night — Um, obvious right? Not if you’re crazy busy. And I’m all for hanging out with friends but to me a date is just the two of you either at home or out.
- Bucket List — How about you sit down and talk about your dreams, life goals and things you want to do together. I don’t mean as a family, I mean as a couple. Set some time to do some dream talking.
- Chores — With the pace slower, let’s talk about who is doing what, how it’s going and does anything need to change? We can always do this and most importantly, if those children are around, have them help out!
- Rituals of Connection — I have always thought it was important to have rituals to connect as a couple. How are you doing? If you got off track, then put a few back into place in order to get that summer lovin’ in place!
- Talking — This can be a ritual or it can be a nightly routine but let’s get back to talking about your day and how you are doing.
- Meals — Now that the schedules are clearer, are you able to sit down and have a meal together? If everyday is a challenge, try for one night a week!
I am in the thick of it with school schedules and I am very much looking forward to summer and all the exciting things we have planned. If you got off track with your goals, just remember that it only takes one conversation to get back on track!
Go ahead and start that conversation today!
Is it really over?
July 15, 2019
How has your summer been? Are you finding time to connect? Is life as crazy as ever or do you find more time to spend together? I’m hoping that its finding more time to spend together!
If you are spending more time together, is it fun? Are you arguing more? Do you notice that you have the same arguments about the same few things?
No, I’m not a mind reader, but most of us do this (Yes, me included.) When you are with someone, you inherit their problems, well there are problems to you and might not be to them. Regardless it makes you fight and when you do fight, how do you know that fight is completely done? Umm, not sure? Let’s talk about it.
I talk a lot about triggers with my couples and your core and what is really important to you. Meaning what will get you to fight and what can you let go? For me, it’s a lot about respect and feeling cherished. If I’m feeling those two things then I can let others go. If I’m not, then it seems as if the nit picking is through the roof!
So, how do you know that a fight is truly behind you?
Just the facts
Can you agree to just agree on this one? Are you sure? If your giving in, that’s not the same as agreeing so if you’re calm and talking about facts that’s a good sign!
Code words
Love can be complicated for sure and that includes fighting. If you have repeat fights over and over again, how about you come up with a code word to alert each other when that’s happening. Start to notice when you get into that pattern.
All the triggers
Once you know your triggers, you can figure out what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong. Remember it’s all within you. Your partner is not making you upset, you’re upset about something. Keep a record of what upsets you and try to be mindful of them.
Calm talking
Once you both have calmed down, sit down and talking about what happened. Talk about emotions, your perspective, your triggers, how you can take responsibility and what you are sorry about. Doing this whole process will help you truly move past this incident.
Is this easy?
Nope, no way, no how and nada. Truly moving past an argument that you have time and time again will help you learn how to work on the good stuff, stay connected and want to spend more quality time with each other!
Friends, kids, relationship, oh my!
May 28, 2019
Who’s excited for summer to be here? Well I mean the end of the school year, not the scorching heat we already have here in Florida. I know I am and of course I’ll tell you why.
For me, summer means looser schedules, later nights and much more happiness all the way around. We do some camp for the kids, do a family vacation and do some lay low time. But what about summer that I LOVE the most!
I have more time for everything in my life!
I kinda realized this last summer that when there’s no homework, no sports or scheduled activities, and we have a set easier schedule, I can relax, take it easy and enjoy life more.
What does this have to do with the title anyways? Well, for the better part of the year I’m super busy being mom, wife, daughter, worker, friend and everything else that there’s always a choice I have to make on which one is more important.
How do we decide who gets our time and how it’s divided equally among all those parts?
I had someone tell me when I went from one girl to two and I was wondering how the heck I’m going to deal with it all, I was told, “Toddlers have wants and babies have needs.” Ah, that makes sense, deal with the baby first right? Well, not always. So I learned to decide who needed my time more and then just tended to that girl at the time.
Where’s “my” time in all of this. I’m going at a rate of 1000, doing for others so when do I slow down and do for myself? Um, some would say that you only do for yourself when you do for others and some would say do for yourself first then others (that might have gotten a laugh out of you). Seriously, who does for themselves? So, let’s break it down into what I would like for you.
Yourself
You cannot do for others if you have nothing left to give. Nurture yourself, watch the show, eat the ice cream, take the day to do nothing. Up to you what that means just do it enough so you feel as if you are rested and ready to go!
Partner
The next on the list is your partner because they came before the kids and became more important than your family when you got married (we can debate this one later of course!) Nurturing your relationship will keep you out of my office!! If you decide to come in, I’m going to help you realize you need to put the effort into yourself.
Good Friends
I use the word “good” here because if you’re doing something out of obligation say that you are being forced to go to a party, revert back to number 1 or even 2. Good friends will always be there no matter how much time you spend with them.
Children
Gosh, they can really take up all of your time if you are not careful. Just the worry alone can eat away at your time. Be a parent, teach, love, nurture when you are able to. Yes, you can hand the kids off to the partner to have a day, yes you can do the same for them. Children always have needs, needs, needs. Great thing is that they also have unconditional love so you can mess up and that’s okay, works both ways!!
Family
I’m talking about in-laws, your parents, siblings, etc. All of those people in your life before you met your partner and you had those children. Yes, there are times when you put them first, but not before your own family. When you committed yourself to your partner, you formed a family and that’s where your priorities are. Lots of people still put there extended family before their partner and if I can get you to just think about that today, i’m doing something right!!
It is exhausting being all these things to all these people.
I didn’t even talk about all the other obligations we have for ourselves including work. There’s so much to do all the time and the only way you will get it done is nurture the relationships as you see fit. Yes, don’t just agree with me. I’m seeing and telling you what I believe to be true. I know its hard but one things I do want you to agree on is putting yourself first. No, it’s not selfish, it’s “selfull!”
Do you put yourself first? Do you have time for others? Would love to hear how you prioritize all of the things in your life.