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Tag Archives: Stress
When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”
Okay, true story that happened today and I had to reflect on it and then share it with all of you. So, my husband reached out to me for emotional support about something that happened at work and he was feeling bad about it. I had to think about what I was going to say to him, to not make him feel any worse and try to boost him up. Read More
Patience
The beginning of school is always a time of rushing, getting things ready and adjusting to a new routine. For me, as I’m sure for a lot of you, it’s also a time for holding on to your patience as well as your sanity! I have 2 girls in school now, yes I made it. My youngest just started Kindergarden and I am finally at that stage where I have my days to myself! Ah, if only it was that easy!Read More
Staying Calm
I have always imagined myself as a calm person and I strive to live that way. I have had two incidents lately that have questioned how I can stay calm when other people are so upset? I am struggling with this because I do believe that staying calm, listening to my inner voice and going slower will help me in the long run.
Here are some ways that I am going to practice to stay calmRead More
Can Relationship Counseling Work with Just One Person?
I cannot tell you how many times, I either get a call or see someone in person and the first thing they say to me is, “I have wanted to come for awhile but my partner would not come so I got tired of waiting and came myself.” My answer is always, good for you and I can honestly say that coming for yourself will help you improve yourself and your relationship. Do you believe me? Let’s look at the reasons
1. The ripple effect: I explain this effect a lot and it was introduced to me early in my schooling when you drop a rock into the water and it skims on the surface it creates a ripple. The same thing happens when you start to make changes within yourself, you and those around you will benefit from those changes, sometimes for the better and sometimes it works the opposite way and you realize you are not happy and end things. Regardless, change occurs.
2. Your partner is always present: The goal in couple’s therapy is to stay neutral and listen to both sides equally and give sound advice. Its harder to do with one person but doable. Any of my clients can tell you that I side with the one that makes the most sense but in a couple both sides are right and a compromise is always obtainable with the right way to look at a situation.
3. Adding your partner later: This one has to do with the first two and usual happens if the person in therapy is making positive changes and the other partner wants to come and work. At least one person should be in the therapy room and be working on the relationship.
Coming to therapy is a hard, long decision that most people do not make lightly. When you are angry, you want change but you are unsure how to go about it. Therapy can help untangle things and work-out what needs to really be worked on. Trust me it works whether it’s with one person or two. Just make the call and try and see where it leads you!
How selfish do you need to be in order to be a good parent?
Ok, long title and one that might seem not right when it comes to parenting. What does that mean that you have to be selfish? Well, let’s put it in another frame of mind. How about you say that you be selfful? Yes, my spell check tells me that is not a word but I use that phrase a lot when I am working with people. What does it all mean?
Who’s been on an airplane? All of us at some point of another. Who listens to the announcement about procedures? If you have listened once it has told you that if the airbags come down, put one on yourself first then your child or your neighbor that might need help. Yeah right! Who is going to put one on themselves first before their child? The people that come to therapy would because if you cannot take care of yourself then you cannot take care of your child! That being said, we all have different stress levels, patience levels and tolerance levels so when you start comparing yourself to others it is a loosing battle. Here is what you need to know to survive the parenting game.
1. Know yourself and your limits.
2. Recognize when your limits are being reached and you need time to yourself.
3. Take that time, reenergize and then go back to reaching your limits again!
Easier said than done but it needs to happen in order for you to be a functional person/parent. You are not doing yourself or your child any good if you are too stressed out to take care of them. You will either start yelling or worse they will. How do these kids know when we are down and out.
So, you say to yourself at this point, I cannot take a break? I have no help nor do I have money for help. Here are some alternatives for you.
1. Find activities that your children love and can do mostly independently so you can at least have a mind break.
2. Find children for your children to play with so you can zone out.
3. Swap your children with a friend and you do the same so you can have a break.
These are just a few examples of how you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. We love our children but we need to love ourselves more in order to be the best parent we can be.
If you have any great ideas on how you zone out or take a break, let me hear them!
Communication is the Key
If you have ever been in my therapy office, you would have heard me say these words…
“If you are thinking about it, then say it!”
Communication is so important in a relationship and the only way the relationship moves forward. I have had couples come to me and say that the true meaning of love is being able to finish each other’s sentences. I tell them that leads to assumptions and fights!
I think we have all been out to dinner and see couples who just do not talk and when things are good, you joke with each other that will never happen to us! Well, fast forward a few years with life, stress, family and all the other things that can come into your life you are now that couple that has nothing to say to each other. What do you do?
My clients will tell you that I am constantly giving them tips on how to communicate to avoid a fight and here is a communication exercise that I gave to a couple recently and I thought I would share it with all of you.
How do you start talking when all you have been doing is fighting and talking about kids, house, etc? I call this the communication game. You and your partner pick different topics to talk about each night. Some of the ones we came up with are:
- Humor
- Family
- Goals
- Intimacy
- Emotions
- Listening
- Board game night
These are just examples on how you can start communicating again. Try doing this for 15 minutes each night. If you need to add a fight night, then do so, if you need to add 2 fight nights then that’s okay as well. The trick is to get talking and reconnecting as a couple.
As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!
I am a good parent!
Okay, for the most part and for that matter for most days I know I’m a good mom! Of course there are days when I doubt myself which today was one of them. Saying that me being me, I had to learn about myself and of course write about it.
How do you know your a good parent?
1. I think the first indication would be you read this post! Meaning if your questioning yourself, then your a good parent.
2. Do you spend quality time with your kids? If this is hard to do, at least develop a nightly ritual so all is forgiven each day!
3. Do you make sure your kids have food, clothes, enough sleep? We do not really think about that stuff but it is basic survival.
4. Do you drop or cancel your own thing for the sake of your child?
5. Do you put your child’s needs before your own?
These are just some of the ways you can tell your a good parent, but really if you do anything and everything for your child you will still doubt from time to time. Parenting is the most selfless job out there.
The way I handed to today is I texted a friend and asked her to remind me I was a good mom. Of course by the time she got back to me which was only 30 minutes later the feeling had past. What it boils down to me that if you question, your a great parent.
You of course can try my trick but also want to know your tricks on how you remind yourself your a great parent!
Ready or not here comes the school year!
We are officially ready for school! I will have one in vpk and the other one is just starting school. As some of you know we have been living out of our house for the last 5 weeks due to a water break. Of course we are moving back in the day my youngest starts school!
I thought I would share a few tips on how to ease back into your school routine without too much stress.
1. It’s time to readjust bedtime. Children that do not nap during the day need a good night sleep. Get into that routine now.
2. Talk about school and there routine, especially for the little ones, trust me they love routine!
3. Breakfast is important start of the day, if they have been home and used to snacking it will be hard to make it to lunch for older ones and snack time for younger ones.
4. Talk about a morning routine let them help decide how it will work and stick to it.
5. Plan the night before- lay out clothes, prepare lunch, anything to make your morning routine easier.
6. Most importantly plan on enough time for all that will come up, save up your patience and use it this upcoming week!
Back to school time is back to routine time and both parents and children love it! Remember if your frustrated most likely they are as well. You set the tone for all of this so sleep well, eat well and always remember to breathe!
Stress Seminar
We had another great seminar last Wednesday. Here’s the video for those that were unable to attend. See you next time!
To Vacation or Not
So we woke up Saturday morning and decided to pack up the kids, the car and go for a mini vacation. Not the usual way I plan a trip but we found a hotel in the keys, had my mom walk our dog and off we went. As a business owner and a mom of 2 young children there is no such thing as vacation time per say but I am a true believer that vacations are good for the soul and the stress level!
As my stress seminar is fast approaching on May 21 @ Kol Tikvah at 7:30 I am always looking for new ways to reduce my stress. Now you would think that traveling with 2 small children in a car for 2 hours would add to the stress but I am quickly finding out that practice makes perfect. The more you take them, the easier it is. I left the house a mess, didn’t really forget anything and had a blast!
While I was away I thought of all the things we would have been doing this weekend such as birthday parties, hanging out with friends, going to pool and the gym which are all great but on the other hand, we exposed our girls to kayaking for the first time and wave runners. It was a new experience and one that I want to continue to do with them.
Yes, it is work and yes it costs money to travel but there are always deals to be had and ways to avoid stress so I am a new less stressed person which inspired me to write my first blog in forever.
So are you for or against vacations?