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Tag Archives: Stress
Parenting Without Losing Your Relationship: Real Talk from a Couples Counseling Perspective
Parenting is no joke. Between sleepless nights, endless messes, and constantly being “on,” it’s easy for your relationship to take a backseat. And if you’re starting to feel more like roommates than romantic partners? You’re not alone.
As couples counselors, we hear it all the time: “We never have time for each other anymore.” Or “We keep arguing about how to handle the kids.” The truth is, parenting adds stress—but it can also strengthen your bond if you know how to navigate it together.
So if you’re looking for real-life parenting advice with a side of relationship support, you’re in the right place. Here’s how to stay connected and handle parenting like a team.
1. Communicate Like Teammates, Not Opponents
One of the most common issues we see in couples therapy is communication breakdown—especially around parenting. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do need to talk about it without turning it into a battle.
Relationship tip: Set aside time each week to check in—no kids, no distractions. Talk about what’s working and what’s not. This kind of regular, low-stress communication can prevent bigger blowups later.
Keyword insight: Strong communication in relationships helps prevent parenting conflicts.
2. Respect Each Other’s Parenting Style
You’re two different people. It’s normal to have different approaches—whether that’s about discipline, screen time, or whether ketchup belongs on mac and cheese. The key is not letting those differences drive a wedge between you.
Pro tip from couples counseling: Try to understand where your partner is coming from. Maybe their parenting style comes from how they were raised—or what they wish had been different. The more empathy, the better.
Keyword insight: Co-parenting advice starts with mutual respect and understanding.
3. Share the Mental and Physical Load
Parenting isn’t just about doing the dishes or driving to soccer—it’s also about remembering school events, managing doctor appointments, and making sure the right size shoes are in the closet. That mental load is real—and unevenly shared in many relationships.
What works: Make the invisible visible. Use shared calendars, apps, or even just a whiteboard on the fridge. Divide tasks based on strengths, not assumptions.
Keyword insight: Equally sharing the mental load is key to reducing resentment in relationships.
4. Keep the Relationship a Priority
It’s easy to fall into survival mode and put your relationship last. But connection matters. When you prioritize your bond, everything else gets easier—yes, even parenting.
Simple ways to reconnect: A quick walk together, a coffee date, or even a few minutes of talking without phones after the kids are asleep. Little things add up.
Keyword insight: Couples counseling encourages intentional connection to strengthen relationships during parenting.
5. Know When to Ask for Help
If you’re stuck in the same arguments or feeling distant, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Couples counseling offers tools to improve communication, handle stress, and rediscover what brought you together in the first place.
Remember: Seeking help isn’t a failure—it’s a sign you care.
Keyword insight: Parenting support through therapy helps couples grow stronger and more aligned.
Final Thoughts
You’re doing one of the toughest jobs there is—raising kids while trying to stay close as a couple. It’s messy, imperfect, and totally worth it. And with a little intention (and maybe a little counseling support), you can parent as a team and stay connected.
Need help finding your rhythm as parents and partners? We offer specialized couples counseling to help you thrive in both roles. Reach out today to schedule a session.
How To Let Go Of Trying To Be The Perfect Partner
You know what they say — nobody’s perfect. But that doesn’t stop you from trying your darndest to be the absolute best partner. You go above and beyond to keep them happy. You give it your all daily, determined to be everything they want or need. But the truth is, all that pressure you put on yourself will only backfire. Trying to be perfect will take its toll, leaving you exhausted, frustrated, and like a failure when you inevitably fall short. So, how do you learn to relax? How do you ignore unrealistic expectations and focus on being yourself?
Why You Should Let Go of Trying to Be Perfect
Being in a relationship means accepting your partner as they are, flaws and all. Similarly, you should allow yourself the same grace. Here are a few reasons why you should release yourself from the need to be perfect:
- You’re setting unrealistic expectations. No one is perfect, so expecting that of yourself or your partner is unrealistic and unfair. Focus on appreciating each other as you are.
- It leads to anxiety and self-doubt. Constantly worrying that you’re not measuring up can fill you with anxiety, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. Learn to accept yourself and embrace your imperfections.
- It creates distance in the relationship. If you’re always trying to hide your flaws and put on an act of perfection, you can’t achieve true intimacy and connection. Let your guard down and allow your partner to see the real you.
- You miss out on growth opportunities. Imperfection allows us to learn and grow. Accepting your flaws and shortcomings and those of your partner gives you room to learn from your mistakes, develop new skills, and become better people.
How to Embrace Imperfection and Deepen Your Connection
Let go of trying to be the “perfect” partner. The truth is, that’s a myth. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and every person has flaws, quirks, and imperfections. You’re going to make mistakes and bad decisions sometimes. Learn to forgive yourself. Your worth isn’t defined by your perceived flaws or shortcomings. Love yourself for who you are.
Stop Criticizing and Start Appreciating
When you try to be perfect, you are more prone to seeing the flaws in others. It’s easy to get caught up in criticizing your partner’s messy habits or tendency to be late. But criticism, no matter how constructive, erodes intimacy. Try to notice what you appreciate about your partner each day. Appreciate the joyful moments you share. Express gratitude for your partner and relationship. The good times far outweigh the bad if you try to notice them. Create more opportunities to bond over new experiences. Concentrate on developing your strengths and the qualities that make you a good partner.
Accept That You Will Disagree
No two people see eye to eye all the time. Learn to accept disagreement and conflict as a natural part of a healthy relationship. Stay calm and listen to each other rather than attacking or becoming defensive. Some of the deepest intimacy comes from working through challenges together. Learn to compromise by listening to other perspectives, finding common ground, and willingness to meet in the middle. A compromise that satisfies both parties is ideal. Know when to agree to disagree.
Embrace Vulnerability
Share your deepest fears, longings, and imperfections with your partner. Be fully yourself, without pretense or judgment. Make it safe for them to do the same. Vulnerability is the foundation of emotional intimacy and connection. When you embrace imperfection, drop your masks, and reveal your true selves to each other — that’s where the magic happens.
We all want to be the perfect partner, but trying too hard to be flawless only leads to anxiety, resentment, and feeling like a fraud. No one is perfect, so stop putting pressure on yourself and your relationship. Book an appointment with us, and we’ll provide an outside, unbiased perspective to help you work through challenges together.
Summer Travel
How has your summer been? Any travel that you’ve had that you enjoyed? I had the opportunity to travel alone with my husband this summer and it was long overdue. I say all the time that you should make time for each other. In reality, it can be really hard to do. We did it and it was magical. Here are some reasons why you should make the time to travel together!
Traveling together can be a great way to strengthen your relationship
If you’re like me, I love a plan and I like to look forward to things. Well, we planned out this trip a year in advance! Taking the time to talk about where you want to go, how long you want to stay and what you want to experience can fill those days when you just want to watch a TV show. Start brainstorming and start dreaming of where you want to travel together.
Sharing new experiences and creating memories can bring you closer as a couple
I can safely say that we will be talking about this trip for a long time. We did so many cool things and had so many memories that I didn’t know that I wanted to do that I will be looking at our pictures when our life gets stressful or I just need a break. To relieve the moment even afterward can help you feel closer to your partner after you return home.
When you travel together, you have the opportunity to navigate new environments and situations as a team, which can help build trust and communication skills
Can travel be stressful? Yep, it can, but in those times, you learn how to be a better couple because you are working on your listening skills, coping skills, and your ability to just laugh things off which is needed at times. Stressful times are challenging and how you navigate them can definitely shed some light on how you work as a couple. I recommended to everyone that they talk about it and work on establishing better communication if things don’t go as planned. Always room for improvement right?
Taking a break from your daily routine and spending quality time together can help reignite the spark in your relationship.
Should you need to take a break, who better to do it with than your significant other. Enjoy each other, remember what you fell in love with, and create new memories to keep that spark alive!
Gratitude
How’s everyone doing? Who’s handling this well and who’s ready for a break? We started online learning this week and to say it’s been an adjustment is a nice way to say it!! So, what should we talk about today and this week? I have been thinking a lot about gratitude and ways to stay connected, especially those rituals of connection. It is so easy to lose sight of what’s important right now, but of course I believe it is even more important to remember. So, here’s my list of what I am grateful for today!
- My health– I am being super careful and following stay at home orders so I am healthy.
- Family– We have been spending some quality time together and we have been exercising as a family which has been great for all of us.
- My relationships-I am staying connected to the people that mean something for me and I am working hard at staying connected as a couple at this time.
- Patience– Not sure how I would be getting through this without patience and understanding of what is really important in this world.
- Stress reducing conversations– This is high on the list of rituals that are being done everyday. As a couple, we are working to talk about our stress and not taking it out on each other.
- At home dates– I know this might sound hard, but it’s really as easy as lighting some candles, having some tea or drink, talking, playing a game or something more! Whatever you decide to do, make sure you put those distractions away while you do it.
- Forgiveness- Most importantly, I’m being kind to myself and forgiving my mistakes right now, checking in with myself and making sure I know I’m doing the best I can!
Each night, I go through what worked, what didn’t work and what I can improve on tomorrow. In the morning, I can luckily reset from the night before and work on doing better today. Life is just like that, it gives us a reset everyday. Let’s not harbor on what went wrong yesterday, let’s work on what went right and how we can continue to improve on what went right today!
I’m thankful that I get to do what I love and I’m looking forward to hearing from you on what you are finding grateful during this new time in our lives. Hit me up and tell me how you are doing. I really do what to know and let me know if I can support you in any way during this new time.
Hopefully, at least a few of my words were helpful to you and you can find a reset each day to learn how to forgive and learn more and more until next time.
Remember it’s all a work in progress!
Extended family, love ’em or leave ’em?
I’m always writing about things that I experience as well as things I find that will be helpful to you. There are a few phrases that I repeat over and over again and this is one of them, “When you become a couple everyone else is considered extended family.” What does this mean to you or even me? It becomes really simple when you think about an umbrella or even a roof over your head, walls around you and everyone else looking inside through a window. Yep. what does that mean in real life to you?
It means YOU always choose your partner
What are some ways to protect yourself from fighting about extended families or even feeling stressed because you’re being pulled in too many directions?
Let’s break it down here
Choose me
Life becomes simple when you don’t have a choice and you always know what to choose. Choosing your partner, your children over your parents, or siblings makes it easier to have a closer relationship with your partner.
Talk about it
If either of you are having a hard time with your family, your partner’s family or close friends, this is the ideal time to have one of those stress reducing conversations and put some points in the emotional bank. You have each other’s back for sure.
Back-to-back
When your partner is venting, it’s a great time to have their back. Meaning, don’t get upset with them, just listen, be supportive and hold your upset emotions in. If you get upset as well, then it WILL lead to a different conversation or even a fight.
Pick your battles
Let’s go back to the first rule about siding with your partner. This will be something that you both will have to decide. If you or your partner has a family member that is upsetting, decide together what to get into with them and figure out together how to deal with it.
Holidays
If holidays are fun for you with your families, great! If not, you both need to decide what it means to be a family and what you want to show your family.
Hear me now! IT IS OKAY TO SKIP HOLIDAYS.
I put that in caps because I didn’t want you to miss it. Enjoy your time with your family and your holidays should be enjoyable.
Does this make sense? If it does, then you need to work to figure out what part of this does, talk to your partner and decide together how to deal with it. Don’t make your partner the enemy. Don’t take out your frustrations on your partner because of your family.
REMEMBER TO CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER!
It’s not you, it’s me
Hi and hope are doing well! I get on these kicks and my clients know that and put up with me and I want to share my last kick with you as well. No, it’s not you, it’s me. Who really believes it when someone says this to them? Have you ever had a break-up in your life and you heard this phrase? If so, welcome to the club. This phrase can be so hard to hear and I have finally cracked the code on what it means to me and I just wanted to share with you!
No, it’s not you, it’s me relates to the kick I’ve been on that deals with what you can control.
What you can control breaks down to this:
What you do and How you react
Seems pretty simple right, but how does this affect your relationship? Well, how many times have you blamed your partner for getting you upset? Have you really looked at those times and asked yourself, hey self how could I have reacted differently or what should I do differently next time?
Let’s break this down even further to what really changes a conversation to a fight. It’s called triggers and those are the things that really prevent you from controlling how you act and how you react. I can be the calmest person, but if I get triggered, watch out, either relationship tiger or mama bear can come out and attack at any moment.
What are some triggers and how do we notice them?
What Triggered Me…
- I felt excluded I felt powerless I felt unheard I felt scolded
- I felt judged I felt blamed I felt disrespected I felt lack of attention
- I felt uncared for I felt lonely I felt ignored I felt controlled
- I felt forgotten I felt unsafe I felt unloved I felt frustrated
- I felt disconnected I felt trapped I felt lack of passion I felt manipulated
You notice how all of these start with “I felt”?
I will tell you that when you are in an argument with someone that you love and you get triggered, it’s not them that causes you to get triggered, it’s you. Triggers are within us and they can control us or help us understand better.
Do you know your triggers? Did you know that you were getting triggered each time you had a fight about how you were feeling inside? If you didn’t know, this is the time to self reflect and start to understand what gets you upset and what triggers you, then you can begin to understand more about the concept, no, it’s not you, it’s me. Once you understand your triggers, or can at least identify one, reach out and let me know how you stopped yourself from getting upset.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you!
Top 5 Reasons People Cheat
You saw the title, the Top 5 Reasons People Cheat. What do you think the number #1 infidelity reason is? Do you think it’s sex addiction? If you do, you’re wrong. Do you think that people that cheat end up divorced? Nope, not if I can help it.
What happens to make a relationship fall apart?
Life Happens
Yes, this sounds so vague, but it’s so true. You’re together for how many years? Your children sleep in your bed, you don’t get dressed for the day, date nights are laughable events that just don’t happen and you just drift apart.
Communication
Well, it’s really that you stop communicating when you find yourself drifting apart. Can you remember the last time you two just sat down and talked about things? Do you find yourself being able to talk to someone else more easily? Is that person a friend or is that person more than a friend?
Stressors
I’m talking about the life events that happen such as health problems, change in financial status or problems with extended family. Anything that affects both of you very much and you don’t deal with it. You just go along as if life is fine, until one day it isn’t and you don’t know how to handle things. These stressors can make you turn to the person that you can talk to, have fun with and forget about the stressors for awhile.
No More Fighting
You just read “no more fighting” and thought “Yeah!! This is a good thing right?” Wrong! When you stop fighting, you stop caring. If you care what your partner thinks, does, or says, then you’re still in it. When you get to the point that you just give up and are burnt out, that is the time that you reach out to the “other person.”
It Just Happens
I know, you don’t believe me but yes, it does just happen. It’s a mistake or things are bad or you want to act like a different person when you travel. It does just happen when all of the other things are not in place, so we will need to keep those things in place in order for those temptations at bay.
What Happens Afterwards?
I’m here to tell you that most people say that cheating is a deal breaker, but it’s 100% not the truth at all. If you’re together, whether married or just in a relationship for 20 years, that is a lot to give up for mistakes that have happened along the way. Give yourself a few moments to breathe and let’s see if we can work on this together for you.
I’m here to help and this is what I do. I guide couples through the ups and downs of this raw, emotional time. You don’t have to know what you want, you just have to show up and let the process work for you.
Thanks for listening and if you want more information on how we work on affair recovery, you can check out this https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/gottman-method/infidelity-therapy/
On your mark, get set… GO!
On your mark, get set and go! Where are you going? Yes, it’s the race that we all do or don’t partake in to the end of the year. For me, my end begins at Halloween. November and December just seem to fly by very quickly. What are you going to do to stay sane until the end of the year!?
A few ideas to keep you sane
- Get Organized – Okay, right now you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to wear to the holiday party, who you want to buy gifts for and who you don’t (it’s okay to take some people off your list). Start getting organized so you can calmly make it through the holidays!
- Stay Healthy – As your stress level goes up, your immune system goes down. How do you avoid getting sick around the holidays? Stay calm, find ways to reduce your stress and remember you’re just one person.
- Just Say No – This is always an important one for me and I’m getting better and better at it. Find out what you enjoy, what you want to do and the rest of it, say no thank you. No, you don’t have to go to all the holiday parties. No, you don’t have to volunteer at your child’s school. If you have the time, go for it, if you don’t, ditch the guilt and just say no
- It’s Budgeting Time – Really, you’re just one person and you can only do some much. You need to have a conversation with yourself and/or your partner if you have one and come up with a budget for the holidays and stick to it. Seriously, people go into major debt because of the holidays and that’s not going to be you. So many cute, inexpensive ideas. Talk to the family about a secret gift exchange, come up with creative ways to reduce your budget so you’re staying stress free about money.
- Delegate, Delegate and Delegate – Um yeah, I know you have heard this before, but you’re not the most important person in the universe. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Find your tribe, split up the tasks and hand off as much as you can. The world will not end if you don’t do it all yourself. Learn to share and hand things off!
- Take Time For Yourself – Well, if you laughed at this, then maybe you need to re-read some of the other ones! Yes, if you’re feeling the stress, it’s time to take a breather and work on decompressing. Trust me, you’ll be better for it in the end.
- Who’s Up For Eating – Did you enjoy thanksgiving? I’m not one of those that counts calories on holidays but in general, I’m a healthy eater. One day is fine, stress eating is not (because if you are stressed, then you’re not reading what I am writing). If you find yourself stress eating, then take a step backwards and follow the other steps.
I’m going to stop there for now because that’s enough for this post. I really want you to try to enjoy yourself this holiday season. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, you have my permission to pamper yourself, delegate your tasks and enjoy your time!
If you’re feeling stressed out, reach out to me and I can help for sure!
Let’s talk about physical health
Staying Healthy
Yes, I’m a marriage and family therapist and yes, I’m human and yea, sometimes, I feel I need to be superhuman to keep up with my day. The days I’m down, cold, PMS or tired are the days I realize I have superhuman powers and can accomplish a lot. So on the days that I’m off, I rest, refuel and take care of my health. There are some things that I do to keep myself in check and I thought I would share them with you.Read More
Five Things I Use In My Own Relationship to Stay Happy
Your Relationship in 2018
I hope everyone is off to a good start of 2018. I’m so happy to be doing what I love and taking care of myself. I tell all my clients that there is nothing that I tell them that I don’t do in my own relationship so I thought I’d share my top 5 ideas on how to keep your relationship going strong in the new year.
Top 5 Idea to Keep Your Relationship Strong
- Hello and Goodbye Rituals – I know it seems as if this is no biggie, but in reality, it really is! To greet your partner and for them to greet you back when you come home or leave the house is the first step to staying connected. I tell people that no matter what’s going on, you have 3 seconds to kiss, hug, high five or whatever your ritual becomes. Acknowledgement goes a long way when you want to stay connected.
- Stress Reducing Conversation – This one is also very important because if you do even have time to say hello/goodbye, then you have stress in your life. If you do, you need to talk about it. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then all you need to do is sit with your partner without any distractions and talk about a stress in your life. Your partner needs to listen and give empathetic support. Don’t give advice or take the other’s person side. Then switch listener/speaker roles. Trust me, it will help reduce the stress and you’ll feel closer too!
- Dates – Maybe this one should be a given but often, when I meet people, they tell me that dates are the last thing they think of. Really? How do you plan on connecting? Okay, maybe hiring a babysitter is not in the cards for you. You can take turns watching kids with another couple or even have dates at home. The point is to have them and keep having them. Ask each other out and make it special!
- 10 Minute Talks – There are a ton of conversational starters out there to help you have conversations if you are stuck on talking about your job, kids, house, etc. Find a relationship conversation starter and start taking at least 10 minutes a day.
- Give Appreciation – Talk nice to each other and compliment each other on what’s working. Give each other a reason to keep on doing what you want them to do. When you ask nicely, it helps and when you give appreciation, it helps make you feel loved and cherished.
So, those are to me the top 5 that I use to help my relationship. I do not pretend to be perfect at everything. But I also know that you cannot have a good relationship if you don’t put the effort in.
How About Those 2018 Relationship Goals?
You can add some of these to your relationship and see how it goes. Let me know!