We are in the home stretch of the year!

Hello, December, and how are you doing?  Did you do any stuffing for Thanksgiving or did you just eat yummy food?  I hope it was more about eating than stuffing your feelings because this month is another time that can either be great or so/so.  So let’s talk about the holidays coming up and of course, we will talk about your relationship.

Are you done with your holiday shopping, just getting started, or somewhere in the middle?  The holidays are almost here and whatever you celebrate, you should enjoy your time right? 

Are you the one who buys the gifts?

If so, do you share with your partner what gifts you get or do you keep them a surprise?  That’s what we’re talking about here, the idea that surprises are exciting but secrets not so much.  So, let’s talk about the difference and how we can avoid keeping secrets in our relationship.

Are some secrets Okay?

I just gave you an example of a surprise right?  If you are keeping your presents from each other and excited to share when it’s time to open them, that’s great!  It shows genuine affection to get your partner a gift in your relationship and get all giddy on your partner opening your gift.  You  can do surprises in other ways, such as date nights (you are doing dates correct?)  If you like to keep the element of surprise in your romance go for it, if you need more of a plan then that’s okay as well.  Now we know what can stay a secret right?

What’s not okay to keep a secret?

Um, anything else.  What do I mean? Well, what should we share with our partner?  If you ask me,  the answer is everything but  I’m realistic and I know there are some things that you still need to keep to yourself, but I need you to ask yourself why do you want to keep this from your partner.  Will it hurt them or you? Do you feel embarrassed by what you are keeping to yourself, even if you are keeping your stress to yourself that is way too much?  

In marriage and/or long-term relationships, your partner is your ally and should be on the same team when it comes to how you feel.  Okay, if you like different sports teams then for one day it’s okay to route for your team!  At least make it fun for yourself and enjoy the back and forth about your teams and make sure you come together afterwards and work on reconnecting.

How do you start sharing everything?

Ah, the big T words are what this is about.  Trust, Trust, and more trust.  You need to be able to be vulnerable with each other to share anything.  If I know my partner will be mad at the amount of gifts I bought my family for the holidays, I  might be tempted to keep the amount from him (yes that’s a secret).  If he asks how much I  spent, do I get defensive and wonder why he is asking or just know he is just curious?  Okay,  here is where trust comes in.  Have you talked about this before?  Do you feel guilty about how much you have spent? If so you might get upset with him asking, but in reality, you should be able to talk about this and everything.

So, are you keeping secrets and/or surprises from your partner?  If so, let’s figure out how to make those conversations easier so you want to share them with your partner.