11555 Heron Bay Blvd #242, Parkland, FL 33076
Tag Archives: relationships
How to turn a negative into a positive
I have the pleasure of working with great minds and I get to help make them even better. I have an amazing client who went through a terrible break-up and she was able to turn this situation into a positive learning experience with my help of course!
Her and her boyfriend decided to move in together and he did not tell his close knit family about his move until after it already happened. His family blamed her and made her into a “scape goat”. She took the blame and tried to make the situation better but by doing that it only made it worse so she changed directions contacted a therapist and started working on herself. The first thing we decided together was to stop trying with his family and it worked and her and her boyfriend decided to break-up for a lot of reasons but mostly because of the situation with his family.
She went through the stages of grief and finally felt better. At that time I asked her to write a list of all the positives that came from her break-up and her experience with his family. This is what she came up with.
The Art of Compromise
I have been thinking about compromise lately because as a marriage and family therapist I have the pleasure of working with couples and one problem that some couples have is compromise. To really compromise it is not about one person winning and the other losing its about both people getting what they really want. Let me explain through an example:
In this relationship one partner is a doer and one is a thinker/planner. When things need to get done the doer wants it done and the planner wants to plan. Neither way is wrong and it is actually healthy to have that mix in their relationship in order to function but as you could guess it causes lots of arguments. When the doer wants something done lets say fixing a shower door. Where should the compromise be in this?
To fully compromise the doer should get a date that it can be done by and the planner can give that date and do the research to make it a great job! Both get what they want which is a shower door and neither have to fully compromise on who they are. That is the basis of all of this, is that when you are compromising who you are meaning giving in too much you loose yourself in your relationship. Communication needs to be changed and compromise needs to be mutually beneficial to both parties in the relationship to avoid all of those conflicts that couple’s love to have!
Compromise and communication are the main components of making a relationship work. Can anyone think of any other components that make a relationship work?
Relationship Seminar
On Wednesday evening, I had the opportunity to put on relationship seminar for some people in my community. Please enjoy the recorded video below.
Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMFT, LMHC is a family therapist in Coral Springs Florida, has been in practice since 2004 and a pioneer in online therapy solutions. With offices centrally located in Coral Springs Florida, she offers webcam and other convenient, online options in addition to conventional office visits. She specializes in families, couples and parental issues.
Once a month, Dr. Lagrotte will be holding therapy seminars at Congregation Kol Tikvah in Parkland, Florida and is free for all who attend. In addition, she will be publishing recordings of the seminars on her website in the seminars section at facetofacetherapy.com/seminars/
Learning from mistakes
It is the Jewish New Year and that means you get to throw out your sins and start anew for this year. If it was only that easy. How do you throw out your mistakes? Better question is how do you learn from your mistakes. How many times have you been pulled over for a speeding ticket? Do you tell yourself that you will not EVER speed again! Ha, how long does that last you, a week a month, a day? So, what is the motivation to not repeat the same mistakes?
If you are married or live with a partner I am sure you are always wondering when your partner will learn from their mistakes. Seriously, how many times can one person do something before it can change. I think the route of change is that the mistake has to be big enough and hurt enough in order to want to change. Take the speeding ticket, okay you had to pay it and it was not fun, but did it affect you for the long run? Does your partner/spouse forgive your mistakes when you say you are sorry and will try to do better? If so, then where is the motivation to change?
I am a believer that people can change, hence I am a therapist and talk to people all the time that want change in their lives. The people that come to therapy seeking change are the ones that do the best in therapy. It is the ones that want others or their environment to change that get stuck in the therapy room. Does not matter how you get to therapy, just matters what you do once you are there. The only person that can change is you and even if your motivation is driven by your spouse or partner, they cannot help you. If you lie and want help to stop lying it resides in you to change.
So, I guess the moral here is that it’s not learning from your mistakes, its learning to change so you stop making mistakes or you fix those mistakes and find new ones to make!
If you have any ideas on how to change or fix your mistakes please leave a comment.