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Tag Archives: parenting
All those things that I wish I was told when I was pregnant
I am a reader and love to read books. Of course when I found out I was pregnant, I started reading and reading and finally in my third trimester, I was done reading and felt that I was as prepared as I could be to be a mom. Boy was I wrong. There are so many things that are missing from those books and I thought I would share my top ones with you.
1. Ok, so your happy that you don’t have a period for 10 months, but after your baby is born, there is a period that defines all periods. The hospital gave me elephant pads and it was scary. Don’t worry, it ends but you might never have the same periods again.
2.Your body is different, yes there are people that go back to pre-pregnancy in an instant, but the norm is to take your time, my wedding band and engagement ring still do not fit, people’s feet change size and some never loose their bellies.
3.You do not have the time to worry about the temperature of the water when you go into the pool. I used to go into the pool slowly, not anymore since I have to be in there before the kids are.
4.How do you deal with the mom guilt when both children want your attention? I’m hoping someone has the answer for this one, because I surely do not.
All said and done, I would say my life with children is far more rewarding than without. Do you have any to add to this list? Please share your stories!
When should you say yes or no as a parent?
As a parent of 2 very stubborn children, I have had to learn very quickly when to pick my battles and when to stand my ground. This concept can also be known as when to say yes or when to say no. Here are some hard set lines on when I say no.
1. Respect– always say thank-you, please and you are welcome.
2. Violence-No hitting, biting, scratching or anything else. I do not do it to them so they will not do it to me or anyone else.
3. Personal hygiene-They need to take baths, brush teeth, brush hair, etc
Anything else is on a case by case basis. I have a way of letting them think they are getting there way when I really am. Saying yes is about figuring out what you are okay with and then find a way to compromise the rest. I want my children to be happy, but I also want them to grow up with rules and boundaries. It is a struggle everyday, but that is what support is for and tomorrow is always another day to fight the good fight called parenting!
Affection
Okay, so I have two children and I have noticed lately that both of them show affection differently. I was curious if they really show affection differently or do I respond to them in different ways. I have one child who is as reserved as reserved can be, getting a hug out of her is a major accomplishment, then the other child is blowing kisses, reaching for hugs and always showing affection. I give them equal attention, show them equal affection and constantly tell them that I love them. I kiss and hug them all the time and when I get hugs and kisses back it makes my day. I am not a believer in pushing for affection so if I ask for a kiss and I get shut down, I am okay with it.
I was reading an article recently and the pro’s and cons of pushing for affection and I believe this is a charged issue with parents. I think about parents that give and give affection without getting anything in return such as with autistic children and then of course I feel bad about my need for affection. Bottom line for me is that I do know that both my children love me and they always know I love them, so the big question remains?
Should you force affection or take what you get?
Discipline
I was at my wits end yesterday with one of my daughters and it got me to thinking about all the different types of discipline out there and which one is the best method? I was shopping with my girls and I saw a mom hit her daughter on the arm for doing a minor infraction and I was thinking to myself that my girls do not know how patient I am with them. My oldest daughter is 3 ½ now and she gives me a run for my money. So which are the best types of discipline especially when you are at your wits end as I am all the time!
Time outs – Personally, I think these are more for the adults than the children. It gives us some time to cool off and deal with the discipline in a calm manner. I am sure that I am not the only one that has gotten so upset when their child did something and needed a few minutes to calm down before dealing with the problem and the consequences.
Addressing the problem – In our house there are some offenses that are immediate time-outs such as hitting, biting or talking back, unfortunately I have had to add covering when coughing since that seems to be the new defiance moment. Mostly, I believe that addressing the problem immediately works well for us. We had to do major work to get our daughter to understand how to apologize for her actions. Did I mention how stubborn she is? Now, when she knows she did something wrong it is say you’re sorry or go to time out? She mostly will say her sorry immediately and I know when she really means it. That is another one, I hear children apologize all the time but they just say it. I do believe it is important to mean what you say so if you believe your child is just apologizing to do it and not really mean it then you might have to take an additional step in reintroducing what saying I’m sorry really means.
Spanking – I believe that violence leads to violence and there is way too much violence around us for myself to be spreading it in our house. Saying that there are times when you feel the need to spank your child. Just make sure you are calm when you do it, because if you are not you might regret how you hit and what you are teaching by hitting. The law states if you leave a mark on your child it is child abuse and you can get into trouble. Unfortunately it does not apply to the reverse. If your child hits you that need to be address immediately and you need to work out what is going on and how you can fix the situation before it gets out of hand. Remember they might be young now, but they will grow and get stronger so the sooner you get a handle on the hitting, biting, scratching, etc. the better for you!
Consequences – My rule of thumb for these are do not make one unless it works for you. Back to the time out, this is what they are for. It is so much better to wait to give the consequence or even let your child choose their own consequence. They usually pick something so much better than you could have thought of. If you make a consequence, stick to it makes it a reasonable amount of time and appropriate to the action.
Did I leave any discipline methods out? Let me know in the comment section.