Tag Archives: money
What is Financial Infidelity?

When someone thinks of the word infidelity, their first thoughts often travel to having a physical affair with someone. While this might be the first thing that pops into your mind, it isn’t the only form of infidelity that someone can commit. In fact, there are several others, including emotional infidelity and financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity is more common than you might believe. After all, they say that one of the main reasons couples argue is due to financial stressors in their relationship. Many signs of financial infidelity often go unnoticed by the other partner. While financial infidelity is not often discussed in society, it is a pervasive problem in some relationships.
What Is Financial Infidelity?
First, it should be noted that unnecessary spending or poor budgeting habits do not necessarily mean financial infidelity is being committed. Instead, financial infidelity is when someone is being untruthful or secretive about financial aspects of their life. This can be especially problematic for couples who share bank accounts, but all couples can suffer the consequences because of it.
Many consequences can result from financial infidelity. One of the biggest ones is that it impacts the relationship itself. Regardless of what they are about, secrets can be a root cause of tension and stress in a relationship. Secondly, when there are secrets regarding finances, it can cause the person hiding this big secret to continue to spiral out of control.
Signs of Financial Infidelity
While there are a variety of signs of financial infidelity, the following list highlights the most common ones that people can experience.
Secretive Spending Habits
As we said above, financial infidelity does not necessarily mean someone has poor spending habits. However, it becomes a sign of financial infidelity if someone is hiding these spending habits. They might have a shopping addiction that causes them to hide their purchases from their partner. Or, they may have a deeper problem, such as gambling.
Extra Income Is Hidden
Let’s face it: we all are likely working extra hustles or overtime to make ends meet. It’s one thing to make extra income to help ease the financial burden or as a way to surprise your partner with a gift or a big trip. However, hiding additional funds from your partner can be seen as a sign of financial infidelity. This becomes a problem when money is concealed with the purpose of using it for things someone doesn’t want their spouse to know about.
Lying About Spending Habits With Shared Bank Accounts
It’s common for many long-term or married couples to share bank accounts when they are living with each other. After all, it makes it much easier to handle shared expenses such as mortgages, rent, or utilities if you pay for everything out of one bank account.
Oftentimes, one person is mainly in charge of handling these shared bank accounts, generally speaking. If the person in charge of the finances isn’t truthful about spending, that is a major violation of trust.
How To Deal With Financial Infidelity
While financial infidelity is hard to deal with, it is possible to move on from it. If you are a person who is being secretive about money, the first step is to bring it out to the open. Do you want to do that? Likely not, as there are probably feelings of shame, guilt, or not thinking it’s a big deal. But, financial infidelity, in many ways, can be a sign of a deeper-rooted issue within the relationship as well as your individual self.
If you are interested in learning more about emotional infidelity or couples therapy, reach out to learn more.
Let’s stick with the sticky stuff

Are you doing okay? Lots to read lately I’m sure. We recently had our spring break and we took a family vacation!!! I’m excited and the best part is that it was budgeted beforehand. Yep, that’s right we have a budget and we talk about our budget twice a month. It’s a hard thing to talk about, it’s sticky and annoying and easier just to spend money, but guess what? You need to talk about the sticky stuff or else you shouldn’t be doing it.
Let’s talk about the sticky stuff or at least what I get all the time as sticky stuff.
Money
Might as well start with this one because I was just talking about it. If you are spending it, living it, then talk about it. Have a budget even if you aren’t living within your means right now. Being about to talk about it does help and trust me, it gets easier!
Sex
Yep, that’s right, if you’re doing it, you need to talk about it. Find out what’s working, what you enjoy, what’s not working and if you’re both satisfied with the amount of sex in your life. If you’re not, talk about it, if you are, then great, keep at it!!
Parenting styles
I talk about this one from time to time. Isn’t it cute when you see your partner laughing with your kids when it’s bedtime? NOPE, it’s bedtime. Well, to you it might be bedtime but for your partner, it might be bonding time. Again, don’t get mad, talk about it, find a common balance that works for both of you. Trust me, you don’t want to be with someone that thinks like yourself, that’s why you’re with someone different. Trust those differences and find a common balance.
Extended family
Um, so your partner wants you to take care of them when they are sick? What, you remember as a child being left alone and that’s how you like it. Are you kidding me, your partner’s mom is coming over to take care of them when they’re sick. Okay, you get the point. If your families think differently, that’s okay because guess what, you get to make up the rules now. Remember all of those rituals of connections, talk about them, come up with your own rituals and leave the extended family as extended.
I’m going to stop there because I’m hoping by now you get my point. Anything and everything can and should be talked about. It’s the sticky things that really should be talked about because they are even harder to talk about.
Do you talk about the sticky situations?
How does that work out for you? Did I miss yours? Tell me about it and also share how you talk through it.
I’m always open to hearing things you want me to write about. If you have a topic, please feel free to email me jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and share with me.
Spending, spending and more spending

Just looking at this title make you cringe? It does for me for sure! Who is a “spender”? Who is a saver and who is in the middle? Do you know what your relationship with money is? There are people that make a career out of helping people identify their hang ups with money. Do you act the same way your parents did or do you do something different? Every couple that I work with (and I mean everyone one) has something to say about money. Which is a good thing because if you are similar with money, that’s okay. But if you’re different that’s okay as well! The only thing that’s not okay is staying silent about it.Let’s break down the okays and the not okays about money in your relationship. |
NOT OKAY
Hiding things – I hear all sorts of people talk about how they hide purchases from their partner? Seriously, if you need to hide it, don’t buy it. Yes, it is a form of betrayal if you are buying things without your partner knowing about it. Coping – Are you mad at your partner for working too much? Do you think if you spend money that will make you happier? It might, but let’s make sure we are doing it for the right reasons. If you’re spending money out of spite, sit down and talk about it. Separation – Even reading that word is not okay right? It is okay to have separate accounts if that’s what you both want, if it’s not, then it’s not okay. Even if you have separate accounts and you’re married, they’re jointly owned. What’s not okay here is having secrets about your accounts. I didn’t say surprises. You can surprise your partner with a gift, but having a secret account that they don’t know about isn’t okay. Silence is so not golden here – If you can’t talk about it, then you shouldn’t be doing it! Even with separate accounts, you need to have a money talk at least 1x a month. Yes, you two need to sit down and talk about money. |
HOORARY, IT’S OKAY
Spending more than you make – I put this here because it’s a fact of life. Life is expensive and if you’re spending more than you make, it’s okay as long as it is temporary, you have a plan to change it and you’re talking about it. Staying at home is a job! – If you are a worker and you quit your job to take care of your children and you think that isn’t a job, stop right NOW. It’s so a job and each year they come up with a stay at home salary. In 2018 the salary was $162,000 and in 2019 its $160,000. You get my point. You’re working and stop feeling like you aren’t. It’s okay to stay-at-home and it’s okay to spend money like you are working, yes it’s okay. Messing up – If you mess up, spend without talking about it, feel bad about spending, etc, call for a chat and talk about it. It can only be resolved if you two talk, so talk. |
Get the point?
Mostly in the NOT OKAY category there are things where you hide stuff, in the OKAY category it’s mostly stuff that you talk about. Just talk about money please. I know it’s hard, I know its emotional but I promise the more you do it, the easier it will be!!! So just do it!! Let me know how you communicate about money!! |