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Tag Archives: life
We can do this together!
| How are you doing today? We’re already in March, almost in April even, and the year is in full swing. How are you doing on those goals you set up for yourself? How is your partner doing on the same goals? Did you read that correctly? Yes, of course you made goals/resolutions together to accomplish this year, right? |
| Well, if you’re reading this and thinking, umm, nope, I didn’t think about this before… no worries, let’s start to think about it now and figure out what goals/resolutions you should do together. |
| Spending time together How are you doing with this one? Are you making time for each other? Are you putting your relationship somewhat on the top list of things to do? If not, that’s okay, let’s say at least an hour a day or one date night a week for now. Parenting Are you two aligned on parenting? This is always a struggle for sure but an important goal to have when you’re trying to stay sane! Work on what this means for you and how you will accomplish your goals with parenting. Nutrient Gosh, there are so many different eating plans out there now. Which one are you on? Are you both aligned how you’re eating? It helps out a lot to have a partner in crime if say you’re doing intermittent fasting and you’re trying to fast and still do everything else. Yes, you can reach out to others but that’s not the point of joining. Do it together and see how you can support each other. Exercise Was this on your goal list for the year? How are you doing with it? Are you both on the same page as far as exercise is going? At least are you in the same chapter? If not, let’s work on it. Support each other and try to boost each other up. Careers Whether you both work or if one of you works and other stays at home, there’s a balance that always needs to be in place. Are you supportive in your roles together? Are you feeling as your partner has your back? Talk about this and see where you are. I’m hoping the answer is YES. There isn’t much else in this world if your partner doesn’t have your back. |
Yep, you can do this together!!!
| Yep, you can do this together!!!Thinking about changing something up in your life? Are you worried that your partner is not by your side? I use that word partner a lot and it has so many important meanings for sure. I would love to know how you support each other and what you do together to have each other’s back. |
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
We’re into the month of January, so how are those New Year’s plans coming along? Are you working on yourself? Are you thinking about going back to school or changing jobs? Have you been thinking about your relationship lately and how it’s going? How often do you think about leaving your relationship? What are your motivation for staying?
Let’s break down the reasons to stay or leave
Reasons for staying!
Love – Okay, I picked an easy one to start with. Yes, but do you still love your partner? If you do, then staying is an easy decision to make because whatever’s going on doesn’t seem so bad compared to how you feel about your partner.
Compatibility – Do you agree about the big stuff? Are you able to find shows to watch together? Is picking dinner a battle? If you agree on the big stuff, then that is something to really think about when you’re looking at the big picture.
Communication – How well do you communicate? Do your needs get met? If they do, that’s golden and to me, that’s the #1 reason to stay. If you and your partner communicate well together, you are set for life!
Work well together – Have you been talking forever about things and they don’t get resolved or have you seen improvements on the thousands of things that need to change? If you’re both working on things and willing to keep working on them, that’s the real deal right there!
Reasons for leaving!
Children/family – So, are you wondering why I put this here? Staying for the sake of the children is a bad idea. Lots of people do it but some realize that they don’t have to and their children will be okay if they are separated. Your children want you to be happy, not just for them but truly happy. If you cannot do that together then it’s okay to separate.
Abuse/Addiction – I’m going to put these two together because they have similar qualities to them. If you’re with someone that has an addiction or is abusive to you and will not get help for themselves, then that’s a reason to leave. It’s okay to and you can do it!
Changed directions – What about the situation that we hear about all the time that you drift apart. It happens. Life takes on new roles for people. If you weren’t working on staying connected and you’re in new places in your life, then maybe splitting up is good for you or maybe you can try, up to you.
No passion – Okay, we get it, together for 20 years, yes, the passion dies down, but what’s left in its place? There needs to be something there to connect you two. If not, you’re better off leaving.
And what about infidelity?
Okay, not sure if you’re wondering why i didn’t add cheating to either of these lists? Since, affair work is my passion and it’s what I do, I can say that it falls into both categories depending on the situation and how it’s dealt with. It’s easier to leave, but so much more rewarding to stay and work through things.
So, who agrees with my list? Anything I majorly missed? Reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know.
And if you’re thinking about therapy, take this free quiz now https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/quiz/relationship-need-counseling
Ready to Move Forward?
We are approaching the end of the year! Yes, we made it through another year! Love it! And love that we’re covering so much content in these newsletters together.
So, if you don’t already know how I feel about resolutions (ya know the things where you say you’re going to do all these new things in your life and then maybe you will do them or maybe you won’t) instead, I like to reflect back on what has worked this past year and how I can improve on it for next year.
Resolve to not have Resolutions
Work
Makes sense that I put this first right? Would you put this first? Seems to me that work is the easiest place in our lives to notice how well we are doing. Did you get that promotion or that bonus you were looking for? Are you where you want to be in your career? Think about all that you have done with work this year and let’s remember how great we are!
Relationship
I have to admit that I was going to put family next, but I changed my mind. I talk about relationships a lot and it’s pretty much where I focus most of my energy since it’s my work as well.
How’s your relationship going? Are you fighting less or more? Dating or ignoring each other? Take a minute and realize that if you look at it over the whole year, it might look different than just day to day!
Family
I think we can lump kids, parents, pets, etc into this category because they all take up equal amounts of my time. This past year, my parents and pets took up more time than my children so I’m looking forward to making them more of a priority next year. Who did you focus on this year? Was it worth it to you? Do you feel as if you have an energy left for yourself? Remember, 50% of your energy goes to you, 50% goes to everyone else. Raise your hand if you spend more than 50% on everyone else? Yes, let’s work to change that number up even if it’s just 1%.
Me time
Lastly and most importantly, is the me category. I put this last because for the most part that’s where we put ourselves and we need to have enough energy to be kind to ourselves. Let’s try to move this category up a few notches next year. We are working on ourselves now and for the future. What do you want to change? I want to learn how to self reflect and understand how I”m feeling when someone gets me upset. I’m going to start to work on it today!
Yes, the moral is that we don’t need lists, goals or resolutions to help us move forward with our lives. We need ourselves mostly and to stay connected to the ones around us.
I’m going to work on myself and find the areas that need to be changed, stay the same or let go.
I’m excited to hear what you are working on. Please reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know how you are doing.
I”m going to reflect and think about what I want to bring to you for the new year. If you have any topics that you are interested in, please let me know!!
Cheers for now and let’s move forward!
Top 5 Reasons People Cheat
You saw the title, the Top 5 Reasons People Cheat. What do you think the number #1 infidelity reason is? Do you think it’s sex addiction? If you do, you’re wrong. Do you think that people that cheat end up divorced? Nope, not if I can help it.
What happens to make a relationship fall apart?
Life Happens
Yes, this sounds so vague, but it’s so true. You’re together for how many years? Your children sleep in your bed, you don’t get dressed for the day, date nights are laughable events that just don’t happen and you just drift apart.
Communication
Well, it’s really that you stop communicating when you find yourself drifting apart. Can you remember the last time you two just sat down and talked about things? Do you find yourself being able to talk to someone else more easily? Is that person a friend or is that person more than a friend?
Stressors
I’m talking about the life events that happen such as health problems, change in financial status or problems with extended family. Anything that affects both of you very much and you don’t deal with it. You just go along as if life is fine, until one day it isn’t and you don’t know how to handle things. These stressors can make you turn to the person that you can talk to, have fun with and forget about the stressors for awhile.
No More Fighting
You just read “no more fighting” and thought “Yeah!! This is a good thing right?” Wrong! When you stop fighting, you stop caring. If you care what your partner thinks, does, or says, then you’re still in it. When you get to the point that you just give up and are burnt out, that is the time that you reach out to the “other person.”
It Just Happens
I know, you don’t believe me but yes, it does just happen. It’s a mistake or things are bad or you want to act like a different person when you travel. It does just happen when all of the other things are not in place, so we will need to keep those things in place in order for those temptations at bay.
What Happens Afterwards?
I’m here to tell you that most people say that cheating is a deal breaker, but it’s 100% not the truth at all. If you’re together, whether married or just in a relationship for 20 years, that is a lot to give up for mistakes that have happened along the way. Give yourself a few moments to breathe and let’s see if we can work on this together for you.
I’m here to help and this is what I do. I guide couples through the ups and downs of this raw, emotional time. You don’t have to know what you want, you just have to show up and let the process work for you.
Thanks for listening and if you want more information on how we work on affair recovery, you can check out this https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/gottman-method/infidelity-therapy/
Relationship Load
What’s Relationship Load?
I read a really good article the other day about how much we take on in our lives and how it can overload us to the point where we can’t do simple tasks. Why do we do this to ourselves? I think the need for “underloading” has come and I think there’s also a need to underload in your relationship as well.
What the heck am I talking about when I say underload in your relationship?
Read More
Professionals United for Parkland (PU4P)
I’m so excited to be a part of the the Professionals United for Parkland (PU4P). I had the pleasure of doing an interview (see below) about our work and what we’ve been up to and I haven’t written about it personally yet and, as I said in the interview, it is very personal to me.Read More
How do you check in with your partner?
Hi, it’s Spring Break over here and I’m writing for the first time in a long time. As most of you know, our town of Parkland has had an enormous tragedy and we all all trying to do the best we can with finding our way through this and everything else. So I mentioned it’s Spring Break and yes, I have the time to blog.
How, you ask?
Where are my children and husband you ask? Well, today they are at the Palm Beach Zoo and yesterday then went to Shark Valley. Yes, without me and all my organizing and planning. Yes, my husband is with our children and they are all having a great time!
How is this possible?
Well, it really wasn’t that hard. I used my words and said, “Honey, you are going to spend the first 2 days of spring break with the girls.” He of course said that will be great and they are having fun. So, back to the question of this blog, how do you check in with your partner? Let’s look at some creative ways to do so.
- Have a nightly meeting- This does not have to be long but has to happen. Talk about your needs, what you wish for and how to listen to your partner.
- Do not hold back- If you wish for something, such as a break from parenting or making dinner, let your partner know by verbally saying so, you will be surprised how easy it is.
- Have those intimate talks- The best way to stay connected is to stay connected, seriously talk the intimate talk, use your books, games, etc to stay connected.
- Make sure both of your needs are met- This is a 2 way street meaning you go both ways. Make sure both of your needs are getting met.
- Take a time out if you need it- There is no glory in finishing first. If you need time to yourself, please take it.
- Dates, dates, dates- If you have read anything that I have written so far, you know how important this one is, do it and keep doing it. Ask your partner out, hint hint, it feels nice to be asked out!
Life is always complicated
It’s true. And it’s busy, stressful and more and there are so many excuses not to check in with your partner. Life can get to you if you let it. So don’t let it! Work on staying connected by checking in all the time, asking for hugs, kisses and dates.
Please share how you stay connected with your partner, would love to hear about it!
Make Some Couples Time
Yes, you can make couples time
Have you ever heard the phrase, “You know you have children when having a 5 minute conversation takes all day.” This is a joke of course, but is it? We spend so much time on our children and what time we have left we spend on what? Umm, that’s a great question and I think we should talk about it today.
How do you sneak in time as a couple to stay connected?
- Get those’s kids to bed- Yes, set a realistic bedtime based on their age and give yourself enough time to connect. One night a week, plan a date at home, eat after the kids go to bed and enjoy each other’s company.
- Finish your conversation- How many times can you hear your name before you stop what you’re doing and run to your child? If you’re in the middle of talking to your partner, let your child know that you love them and will be with them in a minute. You might be surprised that what they needed help with they could do on their own.
- Dates- This is hard as well because you’re already spending so much money on your children that you now want to spend money to get a babysitter and go out. Yes, do it, have a standing date whether it is 1x a month or 1x a week. Have something to look forward to.
- Sleeping together- This seems like a given but it’s not. Couples tend to sleep in separate bedrooms for various reasons. The truth is that you need to stop it and get into bed together. If it’s not possible, at least hop into bed together to have a nighttime ritual then part ways.
- Your children sleeping with you- I’m going to say this with all the love in the world… your children don’t need to sleep with you to feel connected to you. If there is a temporary problem, then deal with it but don’t make it a habit and don’t replace your partner with your child.
- Spend time on yourself- To be a better parent and partner, you need to “be you” first and always. Whatever this means to you, you do “you” and the rest will follow.
I’m sure that I missed a few so I’d love to hear what you do to stay connected. Loving yourself and your partner doesn’t make you love your children any less. Doing for your relationship shows your children how to have a loving relationship. Let you do “you” and let them do “them” and come together when you’re all done!
How I Feel About the Parkland School Shooting
I am Parkland
Hi, as most of you know I live and work in Parkland. Last week, our small town was struck by a horrific act. I have been hearing so many stories and have refrained from writing as of yet because, for the most part, I have just been helping people heal and coordinate services.Read More
Let’s talk about physical health
Staying Healthy
Yes, I’m a marriage and family therapist and yes, I’m human and yea, sometimes, I feel I need to be superhuman to keep up with my day. The days I’m down, cold, PMS or tired are the days I realize I have superhuman powers and can accomplish a lot. So on the days that I’m off, I rest, refuel and take care of my health. There are some things that I do to keep myself in check and I thought I would share them with you.Read More