11555 Heron Bay Blvd #242, Parkland, FL 33076
Tag Archives: kids
At-home Life
How are you doing? I’m hoping you’re well and surviving this “new normal” that we’re all trying to figure out. Are we surviving? Of course, but are we figuring out how to stay connected during these times?
Staying Connected?
Who is using their rituals of connections? Have you figured out a way to continue your rituals while you’re social distancing? Or are you social distancing from each other? If it’s the first one great, please share what you are doing. But if it’s the latter, then let’s talk about what you can/should be doing at this time.
First off, you should know that I’m offering online counseling so if you feel you need to reach out to set up a session, let’s do it and get you two back on track. Besides that, here are some tips to help during this time!
- Greetings– Set up 5 minutes in the am where you check in with each other, coordinate schedules and hopefully meet up for lunch!
- Tag out- Kids driving you crazy? Talk about it, tag out and let the other parent take over. I know it’s a tough time right now, continue to talk about it.
- Dates- Now more than ever it’s time to laugh, spend time together and connect. Yes, it will be at home, but even better to find connections at home!
- Routines- Need one, stick to one and continue to have a routine every day. If you’re homeschooling, working and trying to do it all, then let’s talk and figure out a routine for you that works.
- Check-ins- It is so important right now to check in with each other and make sure you’re not taking your frustrations out on each other. Make sure your frustrations are in check and if you do lash out, just recognize it and say your sorry before your partner gets too upset.
- Connection rituals– Whether it’s cards, eating together, watching a show, find some time to be alone with each other and connect every day!
Okay, I’m going to stop now because as I stated, this is uncharted territory and we are learning as we go. This is going to go on for a while and I wanted to check in to make sure everyone is okay, handling things and working through what you need to work through.
We’re in this together
Remember, we’re going through this together so let’s be kind to ourselves and others by socially distancing while staying connected!
Please check in and let me know how you’re doing. I really want to know. If you’re needing a session and want to do something online, we can do that easy peasy.
Take care for now!
Friends, kids, relationship, oh my!
Who’s excited for summer to be here? Well I mean the end of the school year, not the scorching heat we already have here in Florida. I know I am and of course I’ll tell you why.
For me, summer means looser schedules, later nights and much more happiness all the way around. We do some camp for the kids, do a family vacation and do some lay low time. But what about summer that I LOVE the most!
I have more time for everything in my life!
I kinda realized this last summer that when there’s no homework, no sports or scheduled activities, and we have a set easier schedule, I can relax, take it easy and enjoy life more.
What does this have to do with the title anyways? Well, for the better part of the year I’m super busy being mom, wife, daughter, worker, friend and everything else that there’s always a choice I have to make on which one is more important.
How do we decide who gets our time and how it’s divided equally among all those parts?
I had someone tell me when I went from one girl to two and I was wondering how the heck I’m going to deal with it all, I was told, “Toddlers have wants and babies have needs.” Ah, that makes sense, deal with the baby first right? Well, not always. So I learned to decide who needed my time more and then just tended to that girl at the time.
Where’s “my” time in all of this. I’m going at a rate of 1000, doing for others so when do I slow down and do for myself? Um, some would say that you only do for yourself when you do for others and some would say do for yourself first then others (that might have gotten a laugh out of you). Seriously, who does for themselves? So, let’s break it down into what I would like for you.
Yourself
You cannot do for others if you have nothing left to give. Nurture yourself, watch the show, eat the ice cream, take the day to do nothing. Up to you what that means just do it enough so you feel as if you are rested and ready to go!
Partner
The next on the list is your partner because they came before the kids and became more important than your family when you got married (we can debate this one later of course!) Nurturing your relationship will keep you out of my office!! If you decide to come in, I’m going to help you realize you need to put the effort into yourself.
Good Friends
I use the word “good” here because if you’re doing something out of obligation say that you are being forced to go to a party, revert back to number 1 or even 2. Good friends will always be there no matter how much time you spend with them.
Children
Gosh, they can really take up all of your time if you are not careful. Just the worry alone can eat away at your time. Be a parent, teach, love, nurture when you are able to. Yes, you can hand the kids off to the partner to have a day, yes you can do the same for them. Children always have needs, needs, needs. Great thing is that they also have unconditional love so you can mess up and that’s okay, works both ways!!
Family
I’m talking about in-laws, your parents, siblings, etc. All of those people in your life before you met your partner and you had those children. Yes, there are times when you put them first, but not before your own family. When you committed yourself to your partner, you formed a family and that’s where your priorities are. Lots of people still put there extended family before their partner and if I can get you to just think about that today, i’m doing something right!!
It is exhausting being all these things to all these people.
I didn’t even talk about all the other obligations we have for ourselves including work. There’s so much to do all the time and the only way you will get it done is nurture the relationships as you see fit. Yes, don’t just agree with me. I’m seeing and telling you what I believe to be true. I know its hard but one things I do want you to agree on is putting yourself first. No, it’s not selfish, it’s “selfull!”
Do you put yourself first? Do you have time for others? Would love to hear how you prioritize all of the things in your life.
More than just surviving
Happy Spring Break and more than happy to be back in the groove today!!! I had the pleasure of going on a vacation last week and since it was a short trip, we decided to drive. Each way was about 9 hours and the way up we did it straight through and on the way back we broke up the trip. Boy oh boy was it an adventure.
I’m not saying that in a negative way, I’m saying that it was awesome!!!
Time to get my point right?
Well, it was a family trip and since we’re always a couple, we look for ways to stay connected when we travel. Anyone know what I mean? Do I mean you drop the kids off at a camp? Nope, not on this trip.
As I constantly say, you’re always a couple and you’re always working on your relationship. Here’s some tips that I found helpful to stay connected on this trip.
- Separate Rooms – If you can swing this, I highly recommend it. We are very fortunate that when we travel, we can rent houses now which accommodate families. (AirBNB? Yes please!) And yes, sleeping with your partner alone on a family trip can do wonders for intimacy.
- Adult Time – Anyone continue their rituals of connections when they travel? If you do, great! If you don’t, let’s come up with a few travel rituals that work for both of you and start using them ASAP.
- Talk it out – Yes, of course there were a few tense moments on the trip, especially in the car. If your partner is upsetting you, talk it out and figure out what’s bothering you. Mostly likely it’s a trigger that is upsetting you that you need to figure out.
- Planning or Not Planning – Umm, I’m 100% a planner, my hubby, no so much. He’s more of the let’s live in the moment type. If your styles are different, come up with a compromise that works. For us, mostly our days were planned out, meals are on the go. Yes, still getting used to it, but it works well both ways so no one way is right or wrong.
- Don’t overdo it! – Vacations are supposed to be fun, right? So DON’T over do it. There’s so much to see in this world, yes you can stop and smell the roses if that’s what you want to do. Enjoy your time.
- Live in the moment – This means different things for different people but for us, we take minimal pictures and really enjoy each other and what we are doing. Help each other out with this one. If you’re looking at your vacation through your camera, put it away and explore what’s right in front of you.
Enjoy that vacation
Being able to enjoy a family vacation with my partner has been a work in progress for sure. Maybe some of you are better at this than others but for me, I had to work up to this point. It helps that our kids are really enjoying their time together and we push them to hang out. Great part about this is there’s always another opportunity to try again.
So, who’s planning a trip?
How was your last one? Any tips to share with all of us?
I can’t wait to hear from you about your tried and true methods to enjoy your vacations!!
Are You Organized?
Hoorary! Back to school today for us!
Do I really mean hoorary?
I think so. We got our girls off to school this morning. It was enjoyable and fun this morning. We left early and had lots of time to get them settled in their classrooms.
How is this possible? Let’s talk about organization to help us with the morning and nighttime routines.
Nighttime
Yes, the organization should start the night before. Everything that can be done the night before should be done. Pick out clothes, get snacks ready, fill up water bottles and anything else you can think of. The most important thing the night before is getting enough sleep. Put these lovies to bed early and let them sleep for as long as they can.
Morning
Good morning to you! Right, are you a morning person? If not, or even if you are, the job still has to get done. So I’m going to say that either you, your partner and/or your children are not morning people. Some of you are, but some aren’t. Let’s start by placing an alarm clock into your children’s room. Yes, this has been a game changer for me. When they wake up by themselves, they awake so much easier.
Morning Routine
I’m going to separate this one because waking up is hard enough and then doing what you need to do in the morning is even harder. Oh my! First, give yourself enough time to wake up before the craziness. If you need to get out of the house at the same time as the kiddos, take a shower before the craziness starts. If not, get up and enjoy your quiet time. Once the kids are up and dressed, it’s making and eating breakfast, brushing teeth, brushing hair and getting out the door. You need to leave some lead time into your schedule for the occasional clothes change or hair crisis. Congrats, now you’re out the door!
Afternoon
This is different for everyone depending on your schedule. If your children come home from school, first thing is taking a look at the backpack. Yes, I highly recommend looking in the backpack the minute they arrive. Are there forms you need to sign? Are there snacks that have spilled? Of course, then there’s the homework. If your kids stay at aftercare, same routine, just later. Checking that backpack is the key to success. If your children are older, hopefully you have this down pat by now and they’re bringing things to you!
Partner, Divide and Conquer!
This one is so up to you! You both know what you strive for and what you need to do. Figure out which task is your thing and own it. If you feel you’re doing too much, it’s time to talk and figure out how to reorganize and share the load.
Hope these tips helped you. If I have left any out that you think would help others, please reach out to let me know.
Choices, choices and more choices
Life is Full of Choices
Ok, life is full of choices and it’s very confusing what choices you should make on a day to day basis. What if I told you that you make so many choices a day and that the ones you are making are the right ones! Hooray right? Well, they might not always seem as if they’re the right ones but at the time you’re making them they are.
This blog courtesy of…
This blog is courtesy of my loving, 8 year old daughter. I’m a moderately strict parent, meaning, I discipline when I have to, make tough choices when I have to and hold up to the wrath that only a child can bring. Why, you ask? Because I’m a parent and that’s what parents do. Every time we say no, we are teaching a lesson, everytime we set a limit it’s for their good and that’s called parenting.
Make a Choice
I tell my daughters that when they make a choice they can make one that will lead to a reward or a consequence. They have to choose which one they’ll make. I believe that I give them guidance along the way to at least tell them that they’re making a decision that will lead to a consequence and it is up to them to decide how to proceed. Sometimes, they proceed, other times they stop and change the course of action. Once again, I’m not telling them what to do, I’m guiding them to make choices that are good for them… and for me of course!
The Outcome
Well, my 8 year old daughter got upset with me last week because she didn’t get her way. I asked her to do something 3 times and that’s my limit. She did it and then asked for dessert afterwards. Haha, that was a nice try; “no dessert because it’s past the time for dessert,” I told her. She made the choice to not listen and spend her time the way she wanted which caused her to miss out on something she wanted.
As 8 year olds go, she got an attitude with me and that’s not something I tolerate. Luckily, we have a great relationship so it doesn’t come out all the time. When her attitude does come out, watch out world, there’s a force to be reckoned with.
So, once she calmed down, she apologized to me. I have to say, her apologies are very sincere. I explained this concept about choices to her and she chose to play around and not do what she needed to do and so she didn’t get what she wanted.
Hence, choices are so complicated and for a young mind. It’s even more so because she doesn’t think past her current choice, just the one that she’s making. She says, “Mommy, life is so confusing to me.” Yes, I 100% agreed with her! I said, “it is, and the choices we make lead us down a certain path.” Good for her (and me) that we’re in this together 100% and I’ll back her up and help her make choices that will get her what she wants.
Did she learn a lesson?
Maybe she did or maybe she didn’t. I sure learned a lesson that life is complicated and the choices that you make are the ones that put you on your path. You’re making so many and I’d hope that the choices you make are getting you what you want.
Share Your Stories
I loved this story and wanted to share it with you. If you have a similar story, let’s hear it and we can learn from your story as well. Looking forward to hearing your stories!
Professionals United for Parkland (PU4P)
I’m so excited to be a part of the the Professionals United for Parkland (PU4P). I had the pleasure of doing an interview (see below) about our work and what we’ve been up to and I haven’t written about it personally yet and, as I said in the interview, it is very personal to me.Read More
Make Some Couples Time
Yes, you can make couples time
Have you ever heard the phrase, “You know you have children when having a 5 minute conversation takes all day.” This is a joke of course, but is it? We spend so much time on our children and what time we have left we spend on what? Umm, that’s a great question and I think we should talk about it today.
How do you sneak in time as a couple to stay connected?
- Get those’s kids to bed- Yes, set a realistic bedtime based on their age and give yourself enough time to connect. One night a week, plan a date at home, eat after the kids go to bed and enjoy each other’s company.
- Finish your conversation- How many times can you hear your name before you stop what you’re doing and run to your child? If you’re in the middle of talking to your partner, let your child know that you love them and will be with them in a minute. You might be surprised that what they needed help with they could do on their own.
- Dates- This is hard as well because you’re already spending so much money on your children that you now want to spend money to get a babysitter and go out. Yes, do it, have a standing date whether it is 1x a month or 1x a week. Have something to look forward to.
- Sleeping together- This seems like a given but it’s not. Couples tend to sleep in separate bedrooms for various reasons. The truth is that you need to stop it and get into bed together. If it’s not possible, at least hop into bed together to have a nighttime ritual then part ways.
- Your children sleeping with you- I’m going to say this with all the love in the world… your children don’t need to sleep with you to feel connected to you. If there is a temporary problem, then deal with it but don’t make it a habit and don’t replace your partner with your child.
- Spend time on yourself- To be a better parent and partner, you need to “be you” first and always. Whatever this means to you, you do “you” and the rest will follow.
I’m sure that I missed a few so I’d love to hear what you do to stay connected. Loving yourself and your partner doesn’t make you love your children any less. Doing for your relationship shows your children how to have a loving relationship. Let you do “you” and let them do “them” and come together when you’re all done!
How I Feel About the Parkland School Shooting
I am Parkland
Hi, as most of you know I live and work in Parkland. Last week, our small town was struck by a horrific act. I have been hearing so many stories and have refrained from writing as of yet because, for the most part, I have just been helping people heal and coordinate services.Read More
Let’s Do 2018!
Happy New Year and Welcome to 2018! This will be a good year for me and I hope for you as well. My business is moving in the right direction, relationship is good, kids are good and I am turning 45 this year! I really like to focus on the past year instead of focusing on the future and the unknown. How can I make a plan for the future without knowing about the past?
So here goes my year review of 2017
The Good
I finally have 2 children in elementary school. I made it to the top of the mountain, as I like to call it. No more spending an hour in the store when I can run in for 5 seconds. Additional bonus to this is that they’ll both be in the same school for 4 years! Yep, same schedule for 4 years, I should just stop right now and enjoy this.
As I said, since both of my children are in school, I have time to focus on me. Wahoo, well, not that much time but still time. I get a massage or facial 1x a month. I go on date lunches with my husband when he works from home and I can exercise during the day! All good stuff.
My relationship has been worked on for the last 10 years and thankful for the The Gottman Method, lots of communication and clarification on what I need. I understand my love language and more importantly, my husband understand it as well. I get his and we both try to give as much as we can to each other!
Most importantly, we are healthy. I have crazy healthy kids. Myself, I try to stay healthy to help my sanity at all times. We try to eat right and work on ourselves when we can.
The Bad
It has also been a challenging year with health of my parents, craziness of trying to do the stay-at-home mom thing while working on my career.
My family is very important to me and when one person is not well, it affects us all. My mom had some health problems this year and my dad had some as well. Always puts all the small stuff in perspective when you are dealing with health problems. I will take healthy family over anything else and do not mind the small stuff anymore. Happy to report that everyone is on the mend and we are looking forward to a healthy 2018.
I struggle with the balance of working and doing the mom stuff. I know that it is not a bad really. I really enjoying the time i spend with my family and I really enjoy the time I spend with my clients. Always a struggle to find the right balance and where I am needed the most.
So, as in all of this craziness of the past year, I really think there was more good than bad. In saying that, I would love to know about your past year and how everything turned out for you.
Patience
The beginning of school is always a time of rushing, getting things ready and adjusting to a new routine. For me, as I’m sure for a lot of you, it’s also a time for holding on to your patience as well as your sanity! I have 2 girls in school now, yes I made it. My youngest just started Kindergarden and I am finally at that stage where I have my days to myself! Ah, if only it was that easy!Read More