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How Conflict Avoidance Can Lead to Affairs: A Wake-Up Call for Couples
“We never fight.”
At first glance, that might sound like the hallmark of a healthy relationship. But as many therapists know—peace on the surface doesn’t always mean peace within.
In fact, couples who avoid conflict often find themselves more vulnerable to emotional disconnection, unmet needs, and, in some cases, infidelity. If you or your partner tends to avoid confrontation, it’s worth exploring how this dynamic can unintentionally create space for an affair.
What Is Conflict Avoidance?
Conflict avoidance is the tendency to steer clear of disagreements, tough conversations, or emotional expression that could lead to tension. People who avoid conflict often minimize their own needs, walk on eggshells, or shut down entirely to “keep the peace.”
While the intention may be to protect the relationship, conflict avoidance often results in:
- Unspoken resentment
- Loneliness in the relationship
- Emotional needs going unmet
- A sense of being “roommates” rather than romantic partners
The Path from Avoidance to Affair
Avoiding conflict doesn’t just keep things quiet—it can also keep things stuck. Over time, one or both partners may begin to feel unheard, unseen, or emotionally disconnected. Here’s how this can play out:
1. Unmet Emotional Needs
When a partner doesn’t feel safe expressing dissatisfaction or longing, those needs don’t just disappear—they go underground. If they’re not being met at home, they may start seeking connection elsewhere.
2. Lack of Vulnerability
True intimacy requires vulnerability. But if partners don’t talk about the hard stuff—resentments, disappointments, desires—they miss the opportunity to grow closer. That emotional void can leave room for someone else to step in.
3. Idealization of Someone New
In an emotionally distant relationship, a new person can seem exciting and refreshing simply because they’re listening. This contrast creates a strong pull, even if the outside relationship starts as a friendship or emotional connection.
4. Avoiding Confrontation… Again
Even when an affair begins, the conflict-avoiding partner may not bring it up. Instead of addressing the relationship problems directly, the affair becomes an indirect outlet—a way to express pain, anger, or desire without saying a word.
Why Conflict Is Healthy in Relationships
Conflict isn’t the enemy—disconnection is. Healthy conflict, when handled with compassion and curiosity, helps couples:
- Understand each other more deeply
- Build trust by navigating hard topics together
- Keep resentment from festering
- Create emotional closeness and security
It’s not about fighting more. It’s about learning to talk about the hard stuff without fear or shutdown.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
If conflict avoidance is part of your dynamic, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. In therapy, couples can:
- Learn how to express themselves safely and constructively
- Understand the roots of conflict avoidance (often from childhood or past relationships)
- Rebuild emotional intimacy
- Identify and meet each other’s needs more openly
- Heal from the damage caused by emotional or physical affairs
Therapy creates a safe space to practice difficult conversations with support and guidance. Many couples say, “We should have done this years ago.”
Final Thoughts
Affairs don’t always come from blatant dissatisfaction—they often stem from silence. If you or your partner tends to avoid conflict, consider what might be going unspoken between you.
Talking about hard things can be uncomfortable, but it’s also how relationships grow. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Ready to move from avoidance to connection?
Let’s work together to create a space where your relationship can thrive—even in the hard conversations.
Financial Infidelity: Are You or Your Partner Keeping Money Secrets? (Take the Quiz!)
Let’s be honest—talking about money in a relationship can feel… ugh. Whether you’re trying to budget together, pay off debt, or just figure out who’s paying for dinner tonight, it’s not always easy.
But what happens when one of you starts hiding financial stuff from the other? That’s what we call financial infidelity—and it can sneak into relationships more easily than you think.
Before we dive in, let’s find out where you stand. 👇
💸 QUIZ TIME: Are You (or Your Partner) Being Totally Honest About Money?
Grab a pen, or just keep a mental tally. Answer YES or NO to the following:
- Have you ever hidden a purchase from your partner?
- Do you have a secret credit card, bank account, or stash of cash?
- Have you lied about how much you earn, owe, or spend?
- Do you get anxious when your partner brings up money?
- Have you ever “accidentally” left out financial details?
- Do you feel like your partner isn’t telling you everything about their finances?
- Are financial decisions mostly made by just one of you?
- Do you or your partner get defensive when asked about money?
- Have you avoided checking your joint finances because you “don’t want to know”?
- Do you feel like money is a constant source of tension or secrecy?
Now tally up:
- 0–2 YES – You’re probably in a pretty healthy spot, financially speaking! Keep the open convos going.
- 3–5 YES – Some red flags are popping up. Might be time to sit down and get real with each other.
- 6+ YES – There may be some serious financial secrets going on. A heart-to-heart (and maybe a pro) could help you get back on track.
So, What Is Financial Infidelity?
It’s when one person hides or lies about money stuff in a relationship. This could be as “small” as a hidden purchase or as big as a secret debt.
And no, it’s not just about being shady—it often comes from fear, guilt, or just not knowing how to bring it up. But that doesn’t make it harmless. Money lies can break trust just like any other kind of cheating.
Common Signs of Financial Infidelity
- Unexplained charges or missing money
- A partner gets weirdly defensive about financial questions
- Surprise debts or bills
- Secret spending or hidden accounts
- You feel like you’re not part of major financial decisions
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not doomed. 💬
What to Do if It’s Happening
- Talk it out (without blame) – No yelling matches. Just honesty.
- Lay everything out – That means ALL the accounts, debts, and spending.
- Figure out the “why” – What’s behind the secrecy? Fear? Shame? Control?
- Work on a plan – Budget, save, or get out of debt together.
- Rebuild the trust – Slowly, with consistency and openness.
- Call in the pros if needed – Therapists and financial advisors can be game-changers.
How to Keep Your Finances Honest & Healthy
- 💬 Talk about money regularly – Even if it’s just once a month.
- 💡 Agree on spending boundaries – Like “no surprise purchases over $200.”
- 🔐 Use tools together – Budgeting apps like YNAB or Mint can help keep things transparent.
- ❤️ Make money goals a couple thing – Save for a trip, pay off debt, dream big together.
Final Thoughts
Financial infidelity might not be as talked about as cheating—but it can do just as much damage. The good news? With some honesty, teamwork, and maybe a little outside support, it can be fixed.
You’re not alone, and your relationship (and your finances) are absolutely worth working on.
How Does Online Infidelity Affect Relationships?
Have you ever caught your partner secretly chatting with an ex on Facebook? Or maybe you’ve been the one sliding into someone’s DMs when you shouldn’t. You might think cheating is straightforward, but the online world has blurred those lines. When it comes to online infidelity, you’re dealing with a whole new ballgame. It’s not just about physical encounters anymore. Emotional cheating is when you’re sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, and experiences with someone who isn’t your partner. You might not be physically touching, but you’re definitely crossing some boundaries.
- Sharing personal secrets
- Flirting through texts or social media
- Turning to someone else for emotional support
These might seem harmless, but they can pack a punch to your relationship’s trust.
Physical Cheating Goes Virtual
Ever heard of physical cheating online? Yep, it’s a thing. Think of sexting, exchanging explicit photos, or even virtual sex. While you’re not physically in the same room, these acts are still considered sexual in nature and can be just as hurtful to your partner. Remember, what counts as cheating can vary from couple to couple. After all, in the digital age, infidelity is just a click away.
The Impacts of Online Infidelity on Relationships
You might think that what happens online stays online, but when it comes to infidelity, the virtual world can have very real consequences for your relationship.
Trust Takes a Hit
When you discover your partner’s been unfaithful online, it’s like a wrecking ball to your trust. Suddenly, every notification on their phone becomes suspicious, and you might find yourself questioning everything they say. It’s a tough spot to be in, and rebuilding that trust? It’s no walk in the park.
Emotional Distance Grows
Online affairs can create a Grand Canyon-sized gap between you and your partner. You might feel betrayed, angry, or just plain hurt. Meanwhile, your partner might be dealing with guilt or trying to justify their actions. This emotional rollercoaster can leave you both feeling miles apart, even when you’re in the same room.
Self-Esteem Struggles
Finding out your partner’s been chatting with someone else online can damage your self-esteem. You might start questioning your worth or wondering what the other person has that you don’t. It’s an easy mental trap to fall into, but remember, their actions are about them, not you.
Intimacy Issues
When the trust is gone, physical intimacy often follows suit. You might find yourself less interested in being close to your partner, or they might pull away out of guilt. Either way, this lack of connection can further strain your relationship, creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.
Rebuilding Trust After Online Infidelity
So, you’ve discovered your partner’s online infidelity. As painful as it can be, it doesn’t need to be the death knell of your relationship. Rebuilding trust is possible, though it’ll take time, effort, and much patience.
Open Up Those Communication Lines
First things first, you need to talk it out. And we mean really talk. No holding back, no sugar-coating. Be honest about your feelings, and encourage your partner to do the same. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s crucial for healing. Remember, this isn’t a one-and-done conversation. You’ll need to keep the dialogue going as you work through this together.
Set Clear Boundaries
Now’s the time to establish some ground rules. What’s okay and what’s not when it comes to online interactions? It may be time to unfriend certain people or limit social media use. Whatever you decide, make sure you’re both on the same page. Don’t be afraid to ask for transparency, either. If seeing your partner’s phone or computer would help ease your mind, speak up. Just be careful not to let it turn into constant surveillance — that’s not healthy for anyone.
Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, a neutral third party can work wonders. Consider couples therapy to help navigate this rough patch. A therapist can provide tools and strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.
This digital form of infidelity erodes trust, breeds insecurity, and can leave both partners feeling betrayed and confused. But all hope isn’t lost if you find yourself in this situation. We can help you navigate this path through our marriage, betrayal, or infidelity counseling sessions. Book a consultation with us today.
What is Financial Infidelity?
When someone thinks of the word infidelity, their first thoughts often travel to having a physical affair with someone. While this might be the first thing that pops into your mind, it isn’t the only form of infidelity that someone can commit. In fact, there are several others, including emotional infidelity and financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity is more common than you might believe. After all, they say that one of the main reasons couples argue is due to financial stressors in their relationship. Many signs of financial infidelity often go unnoticed by the other partner. While financial infidelity is not often discussed in society, it is a pervasive problem in some relationships.
What Is Financial Infidelity?
First, it should be noted that unnecessary spending or poor budgeting habits do not necessarily mean financial infidelity is being committed. Instead, financial infidelity is when someone is being untruthful or secretive about financial aspects of their life. This can be especially problematic for couples who share bank accounts, but all couples can suffer the consequences because of it.
Many consequences can result from financial infidelity. One of the biggest ones is that it impacts the relationship itself. Regardless of what they are about, secrets can be a root cause of tension and stress in a relationship. Secondly, when there are secrets regarding finances, it can cause the person hiding this big secret to continue to spiral out of control.
Signs of Financial Infidelity
While there are a variety of signs of financial infidelity, the following list highlights the most common ones that people can experience.
Secretive Spending Habits
As we said above, financial infidelity does not necessarily mean someone has poor spending habits. However, it becomes a sign of financial infidelity if someone is hiding these spending habits. They might have a shopping addiction that causes them to hide their purchases from their partner. Or, they may have a deeper problem, such as gambling.
Extra Income Is Hidden
Let’s face it: we all are likely working extra hustles or overtime to make ends meet. It’s one thing to make extra income to help ease the financial burden or as a way to surprise your partner with a gift or a big trip. However, hiding additional funds from your partner can be seen as a sign of financial infidelity. This becomes a problem when money is concealed with the purpose of using it for things someone doesn’t want their spouse to know about.
Lying About Spending Habits With Shared Bank Accounts
It’s common for many long-term or married couples to share bank accounts when they are living with each other. After all, it makes it much easier to handle shared expenses such as mortgages, rent, or utilities if you pay for everything out of one bank account.
Oftentimes, one person is mainly in charge of handling these shared bank accounts, generally speaking. If the person in charge of the finances isn’t truthful about spending, that is a major violation of trust.
How To Deal With Financial Infidelity
While financial infidelity is hard to deal with, it is possible to move on from it. If you are a person who is being secretive about money, the first step is to bring it out to the open. Do you want to do that? Likely not, as there are probably feelings of shame, guilt, or not thinking it’s a big deal. But, financial infidelity, in many ways, can be a sign of a deeper-rooted issue within the relationship as well as your individual self.
If you are interested in learning more about emotional infidelity or couples therapy, reach out to learn more.
Getting Past Infidelity Triggers
Finding out your partner has been unfaithful can be a jarring experience, regardless of if the infidelity was emotional or sexual, one time or repeat. Similarly, experiencing infidelity second-hand as a child or close friend can cause shockwaves.
But the truth remains that every person brings expectations to a relationship. When communicated, these expectations become boundaries. Violated boundaries and dashed expectations elicit a painful response that strikes from the core of your need for security and partnership. It shouldn’t be surprising that this can be imprinted as trauma.
Trauma is often triggered or set off by events, smells, situations, people, etc., that remind you of elements of infidelity. Your triggers may sabotage relationships or successes in your life.
And still, knowing all of this doesn’t get to the heart of why you’re here. How does one get past the triggers of infidelity?
Be Gentle
Before you go into fix-it mode, find yourself a moment of self-compassion. Self-compassion exercises allow you to speak kindly to yourself in moments of vulnerability. Many of these exercises are meditative and help to soothe fear responses. Try a few of Kristen Neff’s meditations at https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations
Grieve
Your infidelity triggers may show up in lifetimes past the event or directly after a violation. Allow yourself to be curious about what comes up. Grieving and authentically allowing the associated feelings to pass is a way of acknowledging your triggers. Common displays of grief show up as:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Journal the process
Journaling is an excellent way of clarifying what your triggers may be. By writing down your experiences, you may find patterns of triggers. This exploration allows you to renegotiate your boundaries with others around you. Journaling also allows you to tell or retell a narrative from a more helpful perspective.
Lean on Friends
Your support system is going to be comprised of many different people. Choose your core group wisely. It may be second nature to explain your triggers to others but try to find 2 or 3 people you can lean on. This way, you’re more likely to be supported and understood than having your feelings brushed to the side.
Deep Breathing
Deep breathing actually works. It triggers your vagal nerve, the nerve responsible for activating relaxation and digestion. This nerve runs from your face through your internal organs, digestive tract, and bladder. To massage this nerve, deep breathing needs to be low and slow.
Here’s how to do it:
- Set aside time to practice breathing.
- Place one hand on your chest and the other on or below your belly button.
- Breathe slowly and deeply through your nose, ensuring your belly button rises and your chest stays still.
- Hold your breath for a few seconds.
- Slowly exhale through your mouth.
- Visualize your belly button moving back towards your spine and slightly up towards your stomach.
- Repeat steps 3-5.
You can do this exercise as often as you need to. Just 10 minutes of deep breathing can help you relax, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being.
Group Support
Support groups are great ways to increase your understanding of infidelity-related triggers. There is no better way to gain perspective than listening to others going through similar situations.
And finally, enlist the support of a licensed therapist, mental health counselor, or clinical social worker. Moving through infidelity triggers can impact all areas of life. Look for therapists with a trauma background or those who specialize in infidelity. Call us today to schedule a consultation for affair recovery and learn about our practice. Your time and healing journey are worth the professional insight.
Emotional Infidelity, What is it?
Your partner has been staying late at work for the last few months. You oversee a text message from their coworker – thanking them for “being there for them” this week. You think nothing of it until you start to add in other clues. Your partner has been growing distant. They continue to leave early and come home late, day after day. And at the Holiday party, someone mentioned their work spouse – a term you had not registered as anything more than workplace banter. Wait, is your partner having an affair?
Emotional infidelity is tricky to spot and difficult to acknowledge. At its core, infidelity assumes intimacy, but when an affair lacks physical intimacy or sexual conduct, it becomes emotional infidelity. These affairs can be as damaging as physical affairs because they violate a sense of reality in the non-offending partner. This violation can lead to relational trauma and deep mistrust within the relationship. If the partner has previous experience with infidelity, this can be devastating, leaving little to no room to move forward.
If you’re wondering how emotional infidelity might begin, look at these situations.
Work Wife/Work Husband
Emotional infidelity may show up in close working relationships. Often, individuals who work closely together may bond over the ups and downs of their workplace or a rogue boss. An emotional affair starts when these individuals rely on one another for emotional support and non-sexual needs. This need for emotional support applies to other situations as well.
Online Relationships
Many find online relationships start as emotional, partly due to a lack of proximity or opportunity for physical relationships. In apps and online games, individuals may find the support they need in a difficult time on the other side of the screen. These online relationships are not the only friendship that can cross the line.
Close Friends
Friendships that cross the emotional boundary are not always outside of everyday life. You may find that friends become emotional stand-ins for a significant other. These relationships continue through deep connections that are not happening in primary relationships.
Signs of Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity is covert and not entirely obvious. These signs may not cause concern when independent of one another. Together, however, another story is told:
- Defensiveness when your partner is confronted.
- Deleted texts or emails/ deleted search history.
- Code Names in phone
- Lying
- Declines in intimacy.
- Partner confides with others about your relationship.
- Substantial time away from home & primary relationship- long nights at work, spending extra time online, etc.
The Impact of Emotional Infidelity
Infidelity can elicit a host of internalized questions about you. And yet, it likely has very little to do with you. Still, your mind may wander to your part in this. Be honest with yourself- your partner has become involved with someone else. Take time to investigate your needs. Can your current relationships continue with the emotional affair ongoing? What do you need to know or be sure of? And finally, who is your support system? You may find the help you need through a grief group or a with a mental health counselor. Even a trusted friend may speak volumes to what you’re going through. Regardless, this is a devastating experience—be gentle with yourself.
If you have yet to unpack the depths of this infidelity, enlist the help of a professional. Therapists can help you sort through your experience and provide tools to regulate your emotions. Couples counselors may even work with both of you to help reinstate the violated sense of trust. Ultimately, you must decide your next move and a good therapist will honor your choice. Reach out to us to learn more about therapy for betrayal trauma.
Should I Like That Post or Keep Scrolling?
Happy summertime! Are you finding any more time in your schedule to relax? Are your kids in camp or at home driving you crazy already? Summer is a more relaxed time in our house and in between camps and free time, everyone has a bit more time on their hands.
I hear from people all the time about social media, someone is on it too much, someone doesn’t like it at all, screen time was up this week etc etc. Is there anything wrong with spending your down time on social media? Well, that all depends on what you are doing there and how much you trust each other.
Let’s talk about John and Sue
John uses insta for his business and feels it’s the best way to connect with his customers. So John is on insta a lot for business and Sue is okay with that until she happens to find his phone and then realize he is liking pictures that really have nothing to do with his business and he is chatting with other girls on insta.
Well, Sue is livid and John is trying to understand what he did wrong? Did he do anything wrong…… Um, the bottom line with trust is just that, TRUST is the core that keeps a relationship together and you have it until you don’t.
John still really doesn’t understand what he did wrong and keeps defending his actions, he didn’t cheat, didn’t meet with anyone, definitely didn’t have sex with anyone, just hit like on a few bikini pictures. Sue is trying to explain to John that hitting like on those pictures has nothing to do with his business and everything to do with how he feels about the picture.
Okay, John kind of gets it but now Sue doesn’t want John on insta and doesn’t trust him anymore and he is losing business because he just cancels his insta account.
Do you want to know what happens?
All of this has to do with trust and John and Sue had to work on repairing trust in their relationship. John got some individual counseling and realized that he has some attachment issues and didn’t want to get too close to Sue. In couples counseling John and Sue had to find forgiveness and look at the cracks in their relationship to repair and find new ways to connect.
Can trust be repaired?
The short answer is YES! It’s hard and it’s not for everyone. When you’re betrayed, it hurts. When your partner doesn’t understand what they did was betrayal, that hurts even more.
What can you do?
Each relationship needs to define trust. John and Sue definitely had to talk about the boundaries of their relationship and work on rebuilding trust.
Have some open conversations. If I did this, would you be upset? Figure out where your boundaries are before it leads to betrayal.
Who are you talking to?
Who knows that my passion is working with affairs? The reason this has become my passion is because I see how much time and effort couples put into their relationship when they work through an affair.
YES! You can successfully work through an affair.
I’ve had a few conversations lately with people who didn’t really think they were having an affair. Of course it makes me wonder…
So what is an emotional affair?
By definition, the term emotional affair is used in the media to categorise or explain a certain type of relationship. High levels of non-sexual emotional intimacy in adults may occur without the participants being bound by other intimate relationships or may occur between people in other relationships. (Wikipedia)
Okay that’s the Wikipedia definition. I define emotional affairs as anyone that you’re talking to outside of your relationship that you enjoy talking to more than your partner.
Let’s break down some areas where the line gets shady on emotional affairs
- Texting only – Can you really be cheating if you never meet someone in person? Do you smile when you get the texts? Are you waiting to tell that person about your day? If so, yes you are CHEATING.
- Hiding sex toys – You can cheat without involving anyone else with sex toys by hiding them from your partner. If you wait until your partner leaves to pleasure yourself, then you are withholding info from them.
- It’s just lunch – Let’s say you have lunch with someone each week and you keep it casual, but you don’t share with your partner because you think they’ll get upset. Guess what? They will get upset because you aren’t sharing and the doubt creeps in.
- Bye bye, going to the gym now – Do you exercise at the same time everyday? Is there someone there that you see all the time and you two have gotten to be friendly. Do you get excited at the idea of seeing them? If so, this is an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR
Just remember that it wasn’t always so hard to talk to your partner and if you stop talking to them, you will find someone else to talk to. Have the hard conversations. Talk about your days. Share your inner world and stay connected.
As with everything I write, there is always more stuff to say and i do love it when you reach out and tell me what’s going on in your life. If you have an alternate way to explain emotional affairs, let me know. If you don’t agree with me, then let me know that too.
If you think your partner is cheating on you, here is a quiz to take https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/quiz/infidelity
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
We’re into the month of January, so how are those New Year’s plans coming along? Are you working on yourself? Are you thinking about going back to school or changing jobs? Have you been thinking about your relationship lately and how it’s going? How often do you think about leaving your relationship? What are your motivation for staying?
Let’s break down the reasons to stay or leave
Reasons for staying!
Love – Okay, I picked an easy one to start with. Yes, but do you still love your partner? If you do, then staying is an easy decision to make because whatever’s going on doesn’t seem so bad compared to how you feel about your partner.
Compatibility – Do you agree about the big stuff? Are you able to find shows to watch together? Is picking dinner a battle? If you agree on the big stuff, then that is something to really think about when you’re looking at the big picture.
Communication – How well do you communicate? Do your needs get met? If they do, that’s golden and to me, that’s the #1 reason to stay. If you and your partner communicate well together, you are set for life!
Work well together – Have you been talking forever about things and they don’t get resolved or have you seen improvements on the thousands of things that need to change? If you’re both working on things and willing to keep working on them, that’s the real deal right there!
Reasons for leaving!
Children/family – So, are you wondering why I put this here? Staying for the sake of the children is a bad idea. Lots of people do it but some realize that they don’t have to and their children will be okay if they are separated. Your children want you to be happy, not just for them but truly happy. If you cannot do that together then it’s okay to separate.
Abuse/Addiction – I’m going to put these two together because they have similar qualities to them. If you’re with someone that has an addiction or is abusive to you and will not get help for themselves, then that’s a reason to leave. It’s okay to and you can do it!
Changed directions – What about the situation that we hear about all the time that you drift apart. It happens. Life takes on new roles for people. If you weren’t working on staying connected and you’re in new places in your life, then maybe splitting up is good for you or maybe you can try, up to you.
No passion – Okay, we get it, together for 20 years, yes, the passion dies down, but what’s left in its place? There needs to be something there to connect you two. If not, you’re better off leaving.
And what about infidelity?
Okay, not sure if you’re wondering why i didn’t add cheating to either of these lists? Since, affair work is my passion and it’s what I do, I can say that it falls into both categories depending on the situation and how it’s dealt with. It’s easier to leave, but so much more rewarding to stay and work through things.
So, who agrees with my list? Anything I majorly missed? Reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know.
And if you’re thinking about therapy, take this free quiz now https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/quiz/relationship-need-counseling
Top 5 Reasons People Cheat
You saw the title, the Top 5 Reasons People Cheat. What do you think the number #1 infidelity reason is? Do you think it’s sex addiction? If you do, you’re wrong. Do you think that people that cheat end up divorced? Nope, not if I can help it.
What happens to make a relationship fall apart?
Life Happens
Yes, this sounds so vague, but it’s so true. You’re together for how many years? Your children sleep in your bed, you don’t get dressed for the day, date nights are laughable events that just don’t happen and you just drift apart.
Communication
Well, it’s really that you stop communicating when you find yourself drifting apart. Can you remember the last time you two just sat down and talked about things? Do you find yourself being able to talk to someone else more easily? Is that person a friend or is that person more than a friend?
Stressors
I’m talking about the life events that happen such as health problems, change in financial status or problems with extended family. Anything that affects both of you very much and you don’t deal with it. You just go along as if life is fine, until one day it isn’t and you don’t know how to handle things. These stressors can make you turn to the person that you can talk to, have fun with and forget about the stressors for awhile.
No More Fighting
You just read “no more fighting” and thought “Yeah!! This is a good thing right?” Wrong! When you stop fighting, you stop caring. If you care what your partner thinks, does, or says, then you’re still in it. When you get to the point that you just give up and are burnt out, that is the time that you reach out to the “other person.”
It Just Happens
I know, you don’t believe me but yes, it does just happen. It’s a mistake or things are bad or you want to act like a different person when you travel. It does just happen when all of the other things are not in place, so we will need to keep those things in place in order for those temptations at bay.
What Happens Afterwards?
I’m here to tell you that most people say that cheating is a deal breaker, but it’s 100% not the truth at all. If you’re together, whether married or just in a relationship for 20 years, that is a lot to give up for mistakes that have happened along the way. Give yourself a few moments to breathe and let’s see if we can work on this together for you.
I’m here to help and this is what I do. I guide couples through the ups and downs of this raw, emotional time. You don’t have to know what you want, you just have to show up and let the process work for you.
Thanks for listening and if you want more information on how we work on affair recovery, you can check out this https://www.facetofacetherapy.com/gottman-method/infidelity-therapy/