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Tag Archives: happiness
Ready to Move Forward?
We are approaching the end of the year! Yes, we made it through another year! Love it! And love that we’re covering so much content in these newsletters together.
So, if you don’t already know how I feel about resolutions (ya know the things where you say you’re going to do all these new things in your life and then maybe you will do them or maybe you won’t) instead, I like to reflect back on what has worked this past year and how I can improve on it for next year.
Resolve to not have Resolutions
Work
Makes sense that I put this first right? Would you put this first? Seems to me that work is the easiest place in our lives to notice how well we are doing. Did you get that promotion or that bonus you were looking for? Are you where you want to be in your career? Think about all that you have done with work this year and let’s remember how great we are!
Relationship
I have to admit that I was going to put family next, but I changed my mind. I talk about relationships a lot and it’s pretty much where I focus most of my energy since it’s my work as well.
How’s your relationship going? Are you fighting less or more? Dating or ignoring each other? Take a minute and realize that if you look at it over the whole year, it might look different than just day to day!
Family
I think we can lump kids, parents, pets, etc into this category because they all take up equal amounts of my time. This past year, my parents and pets took up more time than my children so I’m looking forward to making them more of a priority next year. Who did you focus on this year? Was it worth it to you? Do you feel as if you have an energy left for yourself? Remember, 50% of your energy goes to you, 50% goes to everyone else. Raise your hand if you spend more than 50% on everyone else? Yes, let’s work to change that number up even if it’s just 1%.
Me time
Lastly and most importantly, is the me category. I put this last because for the most part that’s where we put ourselves and we need to have enough energy to be kind to ourselves. Let’s try to move this category up a few notches next year. We are working on ourselves now and for the future. What do you want to change? I want to learn how to self reflect and understand how I”m feeling when someone gets me upset. I’m going to start to work on it today!
Yes, the moral is that we don’t need lists, goals or resolutions to help us move forward with our lives. We need ourselves mostly and to stay connected to the ones around us.
I’m going to work on myself and find the areas that need to be changed, stay the same or let go.
I’m excited to hear what you are working on. Please reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know how you are doing.
I”m going to reflect and think about what I want to bring to you for the new year. If you have any topics that you are interested in, please let me know!!
Cheers for now and let’s move forward!
Staying in the Moment
First day of school thoughts, and there are a lot of them. This is something I’ve been working on for a while now and I wanted to take the time to write about it and share with you how I’m doing with it.
Too many times in my life, I have these great things happen and I don’t stay in the moment to appreciate them as much as I should. Well, to say it truthfully, I don’t spend any time on them at all. Why? I earn these moments and when I have them, I shy away from patting myself on the back. The best way to describe it is when the event happens, I’m already expecting it to be over and when it is over I’m looking forward to the next event.
So how do you stay in the moment?
Be Present
As a mom, wife, daughter, sister, mother and business owner, being present in all of these roles is a challenge. Learn to treat them separately so you can stay present in the moment. If I get an awe moment in my career, I need to stay in that moment for 120 seconds at least (that’s 2 whole minutes) before I switch roles or move on to another moment. Yes, let’s shoot for 2 minutes, but really, aim for 5 minutes.
What should I be doing in the moment?
Yes, this is truth. I’ve always wondered about the moment and especially meditation. I really respect the people that can meditate. Meditation is the act of being mindful and living in the moment. You should be actively thinking about yourself, how proud you are of yourself and how much you have accomplished.
What’s next?
After the moment passes and you were able to acknowledge yourself, now what? Are you on to the next moment? How about we hit the pause button for a bit and just live in this moment for as long as we can. There will be plenty of time for the next moment, rest assured.
My Moment
So today, I’m living in the moment. I have a 3rd and 1st grader and I love both of their teachers. I could say more but I’m practicing what I preach and staying in my small moment for now
Please let me know how you were able to capture your moment.
Let’s talk about physical health
Staying Healthy
Yes, I’m a marriage and family therapist and yes, I’m human and yea, sometimes, I feel I need to be superhuman to keep up with my day. The days I’m down, cold, PMS or tired are the days I realize I have superhuman powers and can accomplish a lot. So on the days that I’m off, I rest, refuel and take care of my health. There are some things that I do to keep myself in check and I thought I would share them with you.Read More
Five Things I Use In My Own Relationship to Stay Happy
Your Relationship in 2018
I hope everyone is off to a good start of 2018. I’m so happy to be doing what I love and taking care of myself. I tell all my clients that there is nothing that I tell them that I don’t do in my own relationship so I thought I’d share my top 5 ideas on how to keep your relationship going strong in the new year.
Top 5 Idea to Keep Your Relationship Strong
- Hello and Goodbye Rituals – I know it seems as if this is no biggie, but in reality, it really is! To greet your partner and for them to greet you back when you come home or leave the house is the first step to staying connected. I tell people that no matter what’s going on, you have 3 seconds to kiss, hug, high five or whatever your ritual becomes. Acknowledgement goes a long way when you want to stay connected.
- Stress Reducing Conversation – This one is also very important because if you do even have time to say hello/goodbye, then you have stress in your life. If you do, you need to talk about it. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then all you need to do is sit with your partner without any distractions and talk about a stress in your life. Your partner needs to listen and give empathetic support. Don’t give advice or take the other’s person side. Then switch listener/speaker roles. Trust me, it will help reduce the stress and you’ll feel closer too!
- Dates – Maybe this one should be a given but often, when I meet people, they tell me that dates are the last thing they think of. Really? How do you plan on connecting? Okay, maybe hiring a babysitter is not in the cards for you. You can take turns watching kids with another couple or even have dates at home. The point is to have them and keep having them. Ask each other out and make it special!
- 10 Minute Talks – There are a ton of conversational starters out there to help you have conversations if you are stuck on talking about your job, kids, house, etc. Find a relationship conversation starter and start taking at least 10 minutes a day.
- Give Appreciation – Talk nice to each other and compliment each other on what’s working. Give each other a reason to keep on doing what you want them to do. When you ask nicely, it helps and when you give appreciation, it helps make you feel loved and cherished.
So, those are to me the top 5 that I use to help my relationship. I do not pretend to be perfect at everything. But I also know that you cannot have a good relationship if you don’t put the effort in.
How About Those 2018 Relationship Goals?
You can add some of these to your relationship and see how it goes. Let me know!
Staying Calm
I have always imagined myself as a calm person and I strive to live that way. I have had two incidents lately that have questioned how I can stay calm when other people are so upset? I am struggling with this because I do believe that staying calm, listening to my inner voice and going slower will help me in the long run.
Here are some ways that I am going to practice to stay calmRead More
Live life as you want to live.
I have been absent for quite some time from this blog writing and it goes to the heart of this post because I have been focusing more on my family than my business. Not to say that I am not giving my all but my all is redirected at this moment. I have been telling my clients more and more lately that you need to live life the way you want it to be. What does that mean and why should you do it?
If you are having troubles at work, home or with the family, think about what and how you would be happy and once you find that out, others around you will be happier. If you are living to try to please others and not yourself than you will only end up regretting it and working on pleasing them. I am not telling you to be selfish, I am telling you to be self-full. What is the difference you ask? When you are self-full you work on doing good for yourself than others will benefit from it. When you are selfish, you are only thinking about yourself.
I have realized that my live is worth living the way I want it to be. That does not mean quitting my life and starting over. It means adding happiness to it and working on myself to live life to the fullest.
With that being said, how would you describe living life to the fullest?
How do you be a good parent and friend?
Ok, so I see a lot of people around and even talk to a few of them and I always wonder if my family is different? I have small children and they always seem to know when I am about to get on a work call, talk to another parent or just need some time to myself. I am a very hands on mom and I will play with my children when they ask me, but when do I get a chance to play?
The answer is as always the good old balance of life, children and time for yourself. I recently spoke on stress and asked the audience the amount of time you should devote to yourself, most people especially parents say the most 25% but actually it should be 50% and I think I need to clarify that the 50% need to waking hours!
So, how is this done! One of the first things I ever learned in my Master’s program or one of the first things I remember is that you need to always work on yourself, then your relationship, then your children. Hello, how is that possible? I think so. Lets work on the steps.
1. Remove the guilt that is involved in parenting and stop feeling guilty all the time for either just taking time for yourself or even
spending money on yourself. Remember the guilt means you are a good parent!
2. Find someone else to watch your children. No, they will not be the same as you, you will need to let go and remember that it is good for
them and you to be with others.
3. Ask someone on a date! Find another parent that you connect with and hang out.
And remember that you are a better person when you are a calmer person! Be calm and be a good parent at the same time. Get away from your children so you can work on yourself and develop friendships that will make you happy.
How to stay thankful!
I love thanksgiving! Every year we talk about cutting corners, even the possibility of going out to eat, but when it comes down to it, this is the holiday that means family around a table in the house eating everything they can find! We always go around and say what we are thankful for and I am always so thankful for my family, friends and even my wonderful career path, but this year I think I will add a different spin on things and try to figure out how to remain thankful all year-long.
This concept reminds me of hurricane season, especially the part where you lose electricity and you turn to your neighbors to help or just to bond. Whenever the electricity is out, I have noticed that families come out of their houses, interact with others and lend a helping hand if needed. When the electricity goes back on, you remark how great it was to be part of the community, even if it was just in your own house and remind yourself that you need to keep it up. Honestly, who really keeps it up? The same goes with being thankful, how do we remain thankful for all of our blessings all year-long?
1. Always volunteer and remind yourself of all that you have.
2. Donate items to those in need all year-long.
3. Teach others how to be thankful of what they have.
4. Implement a plan to slow down and remind yourself of all that you have.
5. Look around and see your life through someone else’s eyes.
I am one of the lucky ones that I can remind myself of all that I am thankful for and one way that I can do this for sure is when I am driving in traffic and come upon an accident. I do not get upset for the extra time that I had to wait for the accident because I am safe in my car while somebody else is hurting or even worse. To remember the acts of kindness that we do to others and others to do us is the best way to stay thankful.
Let me know your thoughts on how to say thankful all year round and let’s hold each other to this promise of staying thankful!
Communication is the Key
If you have ever been in my therapy office, you would have heard me say these words…
“If you are thinking about it, then say it!”
Communication is so important in a relationship and the only way the relationship moves forward. I have had couples come to me and say that the true meaning of love is being able to finish each other’s sentences. I tell them that leads to assumptions and fights!
I think we have all been out to dinner and see couples who just do not talk and when things are good, you joke with each other that will never happen to us! Well, fast forward a few years with life, stress, family and all the other things that can come into your life you are now that couple that has nothing to say to each other. What do you do?
My clients will tell you that I am constantly giving them tips on how to communicate to avoid a fight and here is a communication exercise that I gave to a couple recently and I thought I would share it with all of you.
How do you start talking when all you have been doing is fighting and talking about kids, house, etc? I call this the communication game. You and your partner pick different topics to talk about each night. Some of the ones we came up with are:
- Humor
- Family
- Goals
- Intimacy
- Emotions
- Listening
- Board game night
These are just examples on how you can start communicating again. Try doing this for 15 minutes each night. If you need to add a fight night, then do so, if you need to add 2 fight nights then that’s okay as well. The trick is to get talking and reconnecting as a couple.
As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!
Stress Seminar
We had another great seminar last Wednesday. Here’s the video for those that were unable to attend. See you next time!