Tag Archives: friends
Friends, kids, relationship, oh my!
May 28, 2019
Who’s excited for summer to be here? Well I mean the end of the school year, not the scorching heat we already have here in Florida. I know I am and of course I’ll tell you why.
For me, summer means looser schedules, later nights and much more happiness all the way around. We do some camp for the kids, do a family vacation and do some lay low time. But what about summer that I LOVE the most!
I have more time for everything in my life!
I kinda realized this last summer that when there’s no homework, no sports or scheduled activities, and we have a set easier schedule, I can relax, take it easy and enjoy life more.
What does this have to do with the title anyways? Well, for the better part of the year I’m super busy being mom, wife, daughter, worker, friend and everything else that there’s always a choice I have to make on which one is more important.
How do we decide who gets our time and how it’s divided equally among all those parts?
I had someone tell me when I went from one girl to two and I was wondering how the heck I’m going to deal with it all, I was told, “Toddlers have wants and babies have needs.” Ah, that makes sense, deal with the baby first right? Well, not always. So I learned to decide who needed my time more and then just tended to that girl at the time.
Where’s “my” time in all of this. I’m going at a rate of 1000, doing for others so when do I slow down and do for myself? Um, some would say that you only do for yourself when you do for others and some would say do for yourself first then others (that might have gotten a laugh out of you). Seriously, who does for themselves? So, let’s break it down into what I would like for you.
Yourself
You cannot do for others if you have nothing left to give. Nurture yourself, watch the show, eat the ice cream, take the day to do nothing. Up to you what that means just do it enough so you feel as if you are rested and ready to go!
Partner
The next on the list is your partner because they came before the kids and became more important than your family when you got married (we can debate this one later of course!) Nurturing your relationship will keep you out of my office!! If you decide to come in, I’m going to help you realize you need to put the effort into yourself.
Good Friends
I use the word “good” here because if you’re doing something out of obligation say that you are being forced to go to a party, revert back to number 1 or even 2. Good friends will always be there no matter how much time you spend with them.
Children
Gosh, they can really take up all of your time if you are not careful. Just the worry alone can eat away at your time. Be a parent, teach, love, nurture when you are able to. Yes, you can hand the kids off to the partner to have a day, yes you can do the same for them. Children always have needs, needs, needs. Great thing is that they also have unconditional love so you can mess up and that’s okay, works both ways!!
Family
I’m talking about in-laws, your parents, siblings, etc. All of those people in your life before you met your partner and you had those children. Yes, there are times when you put them first, but not before your own family. When you committed yourself to your partner, you formed a family and that’s where your priorities are. Lots of people still put there extended family before their partner and if I can get you to just think about that today, i’m doing something right!!
It is exhausting being all these things to all these people.
I didn’t even talk about all the other obligations we have for ourselves including work. There’s so much to do all the time and the only way you will get it done is nurture the relationships as you see fit. Yes, don’t just agree with me. I’m seeing and telling you what I believe to be true. I know its hard but one things I do want you to agree on is putting yourself first. No, it’s not selfish, it’s “selfull!”
Do you put yourself first? Do you have time for others? Would love to hear how you prioritize all of the things in your life.
Venting vs Therapy
January 12, 2014
I have always enjoyed being a therapist because I have the wonderful opportunity of listening and helping individuals with issues that are disrupting to their everyday life. I believe we all need an outlet for expression which leads me to think about the differences between talking in therapy and venting to friends/family.
I recently counseled a couple and when you have 2 people especially 2 angry people you have 2 sides to your story. In the therapy room, I can be a reasonable voice in what seems to be endless he said/she said issues. Therapy is all about using “I” statements, and listening to yourself, your partner and your therapist.
So I want to share my professional opinion about the difference between venting and therapy.
VENTING is usually a one way street of releasing your inner emotions to normally a friend or family member. Naturally you would assume that venting to family and friends is perfect because they care. Actually that could be the problem. People who care for you will either be happy or concerned about you. So their advice would be bias along those lines.
THERAPY: is with a professional who have put in years of schooling and has added degrees to the understanding human behaviors and effective interventions. The only bias therapists have is to see you at your best with problem solving advice and long term solutions.
CONFIDENTIAL
VENTING: Even though you love your friends and family, you know there are just somethings you don’t even want them to know. Plus friends usually involve other to help come up with a solution.
THERAPY: It allows you to open up from deep within your soul and express what’s hiding in the corner. Never feel judged or scared that information will be leaked. A therapist will respect your privacy and keep the conversation one-on-one.
DIAGNOSIS
VENTING: Usually venting allows an individual to let go of the issues inside with the HOPE of finding an answer or comfort from the listener. Most of the time the listener will tell who is venting just what they want to hear.
THERAPY: You will receive professional help for your situation. Therapists are objective. We will tell you the best solution for your issues that you deal with. Since we are not part of your life there is not a concern about tainting the friend relationship.
I felt I had to express my thoughts on this subject because many individuals and skeptics think that “venting” is all you have to do to feel better. While feeling better could be a state that a client might reach, have answers and issues resolved is euphoria for the mind and soul.