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Tag Archives: family
I am a good parent!
Okay, for the most part and for that matter for most days I know I’m a good mom! Of course there are days when I doubt myself which today was one of them. Saying that me being me, I had to learn about myself and of course write about it.
How do you know your a good parent?
1. I think the first indication would be you read this post! Meaning if your questioning yourself, then your a good parent.
2. Do you spend quality time with your kids? If this is hard to do, at least develop a nightly ritual so all is forgiven each day!
3. Do you make sure your kids have food, clothes, enough sleep? We do not really think about that stuff but it is basic survival.
4. Do you drop or cancel your own thing for the sake of your child?
5. Do you put your child’s needs before your own?
These are just some of the ways you can tell your a good parent, but really if you do anything and everything for your child you will still doubt from time to time. Parenting is the most selfless job out there.
The way I handed to today is I texted a friend and asked her to remind me I was a good mom. Of course by the time she got back to me which was only 30 minutes later the feeling had past. What it boils down to me that if you question, your a great parent.
You of course can try my trick but also want to know your tricks on how you remind yourself your a great parent!
Family plans and other such communication!
I have been thinking of family plans to add to my list of ever growing ways for couples to communicate. What do I mean by this you ask? I was envolved in a chat about a couple that had different ideas about their relationship. The woman wants to get married mostly for religious reasons and the man is not proposing after being together for 11 years. Okay, at some point you need to realize that you have different ideas on family/relationships and figure out if there is a compromise in all of this. If so great, if not then you need to talk about separation.
Another reason I have been thinking of this is for a very simple reason as the thing we call “our morning routine” or for better words are “not morning routine.” We both do what it us necessary in the am but what if we had a morning routine?
So this idea of a family plan and relationship plan are to establish clear roles and diminish confusion and assumptions. I believe it is important to have 2 because if you lump them together something might get missed and the last thing I want is more confusion.
To make things simple start small such as a morning routine and state what parent/child is responsible for each thing. You can check back in a week from when you started it and either add, stay the same or revise!
Relationships should be treated the same way, start small, both have imput and revise/add often. Hopefully, this will lead to easier concrete communication to help each other understand each other point of view.
I’m working on my plans, let me know how yours go and if you already have one in place!
Ready or not here comes the school year!
We are officially ready for school! I will have one in vpk and the other one is just starting school. As some of you know we have been living out of our house for the last 5 weeks due to a water break. Of course we are moving back in the day my youngest starts school!
I thought I would share a few tips on how to ease back into your school routine without too much stress.
1. It’s time to readjust bedtime. Children that do not nap during the day need a good night sleep. Get into that routine now.
2. Talk about school and there routine, especially for the little ones, trust me they love routine!
3. Breakfast is important start of the day, if they have been home and used to snacking it will be hard to make it to lunch for older ones and snack time for younger ones.
4. Talk about a morning routine let them help decide how it will work and stick to it.
5. Plan the night before- lay out clothes, prepare lunch, anything to make your morning routine easier.
6. Most importantly plan on enough time for all that will come up, save up your patience and use it this upcoming week!
Back to school time is back to routine time and both parents and children love it! Remember if your frustrated most likely they are as well. You set the tone for all of this so sleep well, eat well and always remember to breathe!
Accidents and the movie “Frozen”
We have a strict “no getting into trouble” policy if you do something by accident or you tell the truth. That being said, my oldest was pushing my youngest on her bike and she fell off and hit her head. Of course my oldest was upset enough on her own to see her sister cry which there is no need to make her feel bad. All I said was “it was an accident” and dried the tears!
This incident made me think of the movie frozen. So many people have debated the two sisters but I am wondering why the parents get a pass? It is so Disney to have the parents absent in the movie.
Let’s recap… Elsa hurt her sister by accident and the way to fix it was to take away Anna’s memories and isolate both girls from the outside world and each other. Elsa’s powers grew out of fear because her parents were afraid of and for her. She never learned how to control them because love was taken away from her at a young age. It took her younger, stronger sister to defy how she was raised and never loose her bond to save her older sister.
Now, let’s see how my theory would have worked. Elsa hurt her sister by accident. Her parents said “you made a mistake and it’s okay and you need to learn from it.” The sisters grew up together and Elsa learned to control her powers with love!
Guess my version wouldn’t have been as good for the ratings but the point is to learn from mistakes and not criticize or judge. Children and us adults feel bad enough when we do something by accident to someone we love, we do not need any help feeling bad. Parent with love and respect and that is what you will get in return!
To Vacation or Not
So we woke up Saturday morning and decided to pack up the kids, the car and go for a mini vacation. Not the usual way I plan a trip but we found a hotel in the keys, had my mom walk our dog and off we went. As a business owner and a mom of 2 young children there is no such thing as vacation time per say but I am a true believer that vacations are good for the soul and the stress level!
As my stress seminar is fast approaching on May 21 @ Kol Tikvah at 7:30 I am always looking for new ways to reduce my stress. Now you would think that traveling with 2 small children in a car for 2 hours would add to the stress but I am quickly finding out that practice makes perfect. The more you take them, the easier it is. I left the house a mess, didn’t really forget anything and had a blast!
While I was away I thought of all the things we would have been doing this weekend such as birthday parties, hanging out with friends, going to pool and the gym which are all great but on the other hand, we exposed our girls to kayaking for the first time and wave runners. It was a new experience and one that I want to continue to do with them.
Yes, it is work and yes it costs money to travel but there are always deals to be had and ways to avoid stress so I am a new less stressed person which inspired me to write my first blog in forever.
So are you for or against vacations?
Relationship Seminar
On Wednesday evening, I had the opportunity to put on relationship seminar for some people in my community. Please enjoy the recorded video below.
Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMFT, LMHC is a family therapist in Coral Springs Florida, has been in practice since 2004 and a pioneer in online therapy solutions. With offices centrally located in Coral Springs Florida, she offers webcam and other convenient, online options in addition to conventional office visits. She specializes in families, couples and parental issues.
Once a month, Dr. Lagrotte will be holding therapy seminars at Congregation Kol Tikvah in Parkland, Florida and is free for all who attend. In addition, she will be publishing recordings of the seminars on her website in the seminars section at facetofacetherapy.com/seminars/
Saying yes to others means saying no to yourself!
I have said this phrase to people for a long time now, when you say yes to others you say no to yourself. So you might be asking, what does this mean. We all, mostly I mean myself have in the past spread myself way too thin and it has got me into trouble. I was a “yes” person and found it really hard to say no to people. Well, maybe it was because I was single or younger but I think I have finally found the balance and have learned to say NO.
I now have a career, a husband and two small children and it has made me realize how much more time I need for myself. I know sounds backwards right? When I was young and single I did not make time for myself but now I am older and wiser and I have learned the hard way that the only way to stay sane in this insane world is to make time for myself, have strong boundaries and still be the best person I can be. In fact, I do believe I am a better person with boundaries because I give where I want too and leave the rest for others.
People pleaser no more, I love people and helping them, hence my profession as a therapist, but I love even more the balance and boundaries that I have developed by learning the hard way “when you say yes to others, you say no to yourself”.
always living and learning
Venting vs Therapy
I have always enjoyed being a therapist because I have the wonderful opportunity of listening and helping individuals with issues that are disrupting to their everyday life. I believe we all need an outlet for expression which leads me to think about the differences between talking in therapy and venting to friends/family.
I recently counseled a couple and when you have 2 people especially 2 angry people you have 2 sides to your story. In the therapy room, I can be a reasonable voice in what seems to be endless he said/she said issues. Therapy is all about using “I” statements, and listening to yourself, your partner and your therapist.
So I want to share my professional opinion about the difference between venting and therapy.
VENTING is usually a one way street of releasing your inner emotions to normally a friend or family member. Naturally you would assume that venting to family and friends is perfect because they care. Actually that could be the problem. People who care for you will either be happy or concerned about you. So their advice would be bias along those lines.
THERAPY: is with a professional who have put in years of schooling and has added degrees to the understanding human behaviors and effective interventions. The only bias therapists have is to see you at your best with problem solving advice and long term solutions.
CONFIDENTIAL
VENTING: Even though you love your friends and family, you know there are just somethings you don’t even want them to know. Plus friends usually involve other to help come up with a solution.
THERAPY: It allows you to open up from deep within your soul and express what’s hiding in the corner. Never feel judged or scared that information will be leaked. A therapist will respect your privacy and keep the conversation one-on-one.
DIAGNOSIS
VENTING: Usually venting allows an individual to let go of the issues inside with the HOPE of finding an answer or comfort from the listener. Most of the time the listener will tell who is venting just what they want to hear.
THERAPY: You will receive professional help for your situation. Therapists are objective. We will tell you the best solution for your issues that you deal with. Since we are not part of your life there is not a concern about tainting the friend relationship.
I felt I had to express my thoughts on this subject because many individuals and skeptics think that “venting” is all you have to do to feel better. While feeling better could be a state that a client might reach, have answers and issues resolved is euphoria for the mind and soul.
Let’s ring in the New Year!
So for most of us, the holidays and behind us, the family is either gone or almost gone and it is now time to think about 2014! I am always hopeful about the New Year and want the year to be better than the previous one, but I have decided to have a new twist on resolutions. Instead of trying to make goals for 2014, lets try to focus on the great things that have happened in 2013. Let me go first
1. I started working again after a 5 year break
2. I celebrated 5 years of marriage!
3. My mom beat cancer again for her 3rd time!
and so many more! I always want to be a better person, but not at the expense of making myself feel guilty about something that I haven’t even done yet. Why do we do this to ourselves? Crazy right? So this year, how about we reflect on all the good and forget about how we can make ourselves crazy next year!
Let me hear about your accomplishments!
Traditions
I spent the day today with my family at Lion Country Safari and I can still remember going their myself as a child. I am happy to say that today was still a great memory as my previous ones as a child! As I was forming new memories with my children it got me thinking about traditions and how they are important to us. I can remember having my grandparents over for Friday night dinners as a child and when I got older, I would go out to breakfast with them every Saturday. Of course, I did not always enjoy getting up for breakfast or missing things on a Friday night but I do believe that the foundation that these traditions established for me as helped me as an adult.
My children are still young, so we do not have that many traditions as a family yet but after today, I would like that to change. We do eat breakfast together every morning and meal time is always a time for us to connect. We cannot always eat together of course but when we do, it is family time. I think we need to put down our phones, ipads, televisions, etc and work on connecting as a family more. I know that I benefited from it as a child and I can only hope that I can pass down those same values to my children.
Traditions can be anything that you do as a family. It does not have to be something that you did as a child but just something to connect as a family. I would love to hear about your traditions and how they have helped you connect with your family.