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What Is Collaborative Divorce—and How Can Couples Counseling Help?
Divorce doesn’t have to mean chaos in the courtroom or years of resentment. For couples who want to separate with mutual respect and minimal damage—especially when children are involved—collaborative divorce offers a healthier, more human-centered path.
But what many couples don’t realize is this: counseling can play a powerful role in making the collaborative process smoother, more respectful, and even healing.
Let’s break it down.
🧾 What Is Collaborative Divorce?
Collaborative divorce is a legal process where both spouses commit to resolving their separation without going to court. Instead of “fighting it out” in front of a judge, you work with a team of professionals—lawyers, financial advisors, and sometimes therapists—to reach agreements on:
- Finances
- Child custody
- Parenting time
- Property division
- Communication boundaries
The goal? An outcome that works for both of you—and supports your long-term well-being.
It’s less adversarial than traditional divorce litigation, and it prioritizes transparency, cooperation, and respect.
🧠 Where Does Counseling Fit In?
You might be thinking: “If we’re divorcing, why would we do counseling?”
Great question. Collaborative divorce isn’t just about legal paperwork—it’s also about navigating the emotional minefield of ending a relationship. That’s where couples counseling can help, even when you’re not trying to “fix” the relationship.
Here’s how:
💬 1. Counseling Supports Better Communication
Even in the most amicable divorces, emotions run high. Counseling helps you:
- Express what you need without blame
- Stay calm during hard conversations
- Understand each other’s triggers
- Practice active listening
Less tension now = fewer conflicts later (especially when co-parenting).
🧒 2. Counseling Keeps It Child-Centered
If you have kids, they’re the ones who’ll feel the ripple effects of your divorce for years to come. A therapist can help you:
- Make child-focused decisions
- Create a parenting plan rooted in consistency and care
- Have difficult conversations with your kids in an age-appropriate way
Kids don’t need perfect parents—but they do need parents who can work together.
🔄 3. It Helps You Separate Emotionally, Not Just Legally
Divorce ends the legal bond, but emotional detachment is its own process. Couples counseling helps you:
- Work through grief, resentment, and guilt
- Avoid “unfinished business” that spills into co-parenting
- Build emotional boundaries that support healing
Therapy gives both of you space to leave the relationship with clarity and integrity.
🤝 4. It Models a Cooperative Spirit
Collaborative divorce only works if both parties are willing to compromise. Therapy reinforces the mindset of:
- Mutual respect
- Shared problem-solving
- Openness to hearing each other out
This emotional skillset can mean the difference between a peaceful divorce and one filled with costly delays and ongoing battles.
🙋♀️ But What If One of Us Doesn’t Want Therapy?
That’s okay. Individual therapy can still be extremely helpful during a collaborative divorce. Even if only one person is doing the emotional work, it:
- Reduces the chance of escalation
- Supports healthier boundary-setting
- Helps you stay calm and focused when the process gets challenging
💡 Collaborative Divorce Is About Ending Well
Not every relationship lasts forever—but that doesn’t mean it has to end in destruction. Collaborative divorce—and counseling that supports it—offers a way to part with dignity, clarity, and respect.
You’re not just closing a chapter. You’re laying the foundation for what comes next: co-parenting, healing, and the chance to rebuild your life on your own terms.
📅 Want Support Through a Collaborative Divorce?
I work with individuals and couples navigating divorce who want to:
- Reduce emotional conflict
- Co-parent respectfully
- Communicate clearly
- Separate with intention and care
👉 Click here to schedule a consultation and learn how therapy can support your collaborative divorce journey.
Co-Parenting After a Divorce: How Therapy Can Guide You
Co-parenting after a divorce isn’t easy—but it doesn’t have to be a war zone. Learn how therapy can help you communicate better, reduce conflict, and prioritize your child’s emotional health.
Divorce is tough. Co-parenting afterward? Sometimes even tougher.
You’re trying to rebuild your life, manage your own emotions, and raise emotionally healthy kids—all while navigating a partnership that’s changed forever. If you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or unsure of what’s “right,” you’re far from alone.
But here’s the good news: you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can help you co-parent with more peace, structure, and clarity—especially when it feels impossible.
💬 Why Co-Parenting Feels So Hard (Even If the Divorce Was “Amicable”)
Even the most well-intentioned co-parents hit roadblocks. Why?
- You have different parenting styles
- There’s unresolved resentment or guilt
- Communication feels loaded or hostile
- You’re adjusting to new routines and boundaries
- One (or both) of you are starting new relationships
And let’s not forget: kids are watching. Even if you keep the fights out of their earshot, they can feel the tension.
That’s where therapy comes in—not just to “talk it out,” but to build a new kind of partnership focused on your children’s well-being.
🧠 What Co-Parenting Therapy Actually Does
Think of co-parenting therapy as a blueprint for peaceful collaboration after the marriage ends. A therapist acts like a neutral third party—someone who helps you move from conflict to cooperation.
Here’s what you can expect:
✅ 1. Clearer Communication
You’ll learn how to express needs, frustrations, and expectations in ways that don’t trigger defensiveness or conflict.
“I need to talk about the school drop-off schedule” instead of “You never show up when you’re supposed to.”
✅ 2. Boundaries That Make Sense
Therapy helps define what’s okay—and not okay—in your new co-parenting relationship. That might mean:
- No late-night texts unless it’s urgent
- Consistent discipline across homes
- Respect for each other’s new relationships
✅ 3. A Child-First Focus
In sessions, you’ll shift the spotlight back to your child’s needs. That might mean agreeing on routines, supporting transitions between homes, or staying on the same page about school, health, and screen time.
Even if you disagree, therapy helps you build a united front—for your child’s security and trust.
❤️ Therapy Is Also for You
Co-parenting therapy isn’t just about logistics. It’s also a place to process:
- Your grief around the divorce
- Guilt or resentment about how things ended
- Worry about how your child is coping
The truth is, you can’t co-parent well if you’re emotionally exhausted. Therapy helps you refill your tank, stay grounded, and show up as the parent you want to be.
🙋♀️ What If Only One of Us Wants to Do Therapy?
Great question. While it’s ideal when both parents are involved, you can still make huge progress on your own.
Individual therapy can help you:
- Respond (not react) to your ex
- Set healthy boundaries
- Build emotional resilience
- Navigate tough conversations with clarity
You’d be surprised how much peace one parent can bring into the dynamic just by showing up differently.
🌱 It Doesn’t Have to Stay This Tense Forever
Right now, co-parenting might feel like a minefield. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
With the right tools—and support—you can move from survival mode to something healthier. Not just for your child, but for you, too.
🤝 Want Support with Co-Parenting?
I work with parents who want to:
- Reduce co-parenting conflict
- Learn effective communication skills
- Support their kids during the transition
- Set boundaries that work
Click here to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a more peaceful co-parenting journey.
The Influence of Family Background and Romantic Compatibility
While physical attraction and shared interests certainly play a role, research suggests that family background differences also impact a partnership’s longevity and success. The values and communication styles modeled in your family of origin significantly impact your choice of romantic partner.
If you grew up in a family openly discussing emotions, you may seek a partner who can communicate feelings easily. Conversely, if your family avoids emotional expression, you may feel most comfortable with a less expressive partner. Individuals from cultures that emphasize traditional gender roles often look for partners who will fulfill the complementary role. Those from cultures that espouse egalitarian relationships tend to seek partners with a similar outlook.
Relationship Dynamics
The communication patterns you observe within your family unit often translate to your romantic relationships.
Communication Habits
How your family communicated with one another in your formative years shapes your expectations and habits within your romantic partnerships. If your family was open, honest, and expressive, you likely value emotional intimacy and vulnerability in your relationships. Conversely, if your family is more reserved, you may struggle opening up to romantic partners or have difficulty broaching sensitive subjects.
Conflict Resolution
How your family navigated disagreements and interpersonal conflicts provides a model for approaching differences of opinion with your partner. You have well-developed conflict-resolution skills if your family can have constructive arguments and come to mutually agreeable solutions. However, suppose anger and aggression characterized disputes in your family of origin. In that case, you may have an adversarial approach to navigating conflicts with your partner or avoid disagreements altogether due to discomfort.
Expressing Affection
How your family expressed care, warmth, and affection toward one another shapes your own expression of affection in relationships. If your family was openly affectionate, you likely value physical intimacy and words of affirmation from your partner. If affection in your family is more restrained, you may struggle to express emotion or feel uncomfortable receiving loving gestures from your partner. However, these dynamics are complex, and there are many exceptions to these general patterns.
Attachment Styles
Your attachment style refers to how you relate to people in close relationships. It is shaped by your interactions with caregivers during infancy and childhood. Knowing your attachment style and your partner’s can help strengthen your connection.
Secure Attachment
If you had sensitive and responsive caregivers, you likely developed a secure attachment style. You feel comfortable with intimacy and independence, and you trust that your partner will be there for you when needed.
Anxious Attachment
If your caregivers are inconsistent or unresponsive, you may have an anxious attachment style. You crave intimacy and worry about being abandoned. You may come across as clingy or jealous in relationships.
Avoidant Attachment
If your caregivers were distant or rejecting, you probably have an avoidant attachment style. You value independence over closeness and have difficulty trusting others. You may seem aloof or dismissive in relationships.
Assessing Compatibility — Going Beyond Surface-Level Connection
To determine whether a romantic connection will endure, you must evaluate compatibility on a deeper level.
Shared values and life goals. Do you have a similar outlook on major life decisions like marriage, children, finances, and careers? Aligning these fundamental areas establishes a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.
Communication style. Discussing challenging topics respectfully and finding compromise requires compatible communication approaches. Consider how you handle conflict, express affection, share details of your life, and engage in meaningful conversations.
Emotional and intellectual rapport. The strongest relationships are built on mutual understanding, support, and stimulation. Assess how well you connect emotionally and intellectually. Can you openly share feelings, pursue common interests, and challenge each other positively?
Commitment to personal growth. In order to thrive, relationships require continuous work and commitment to individual development. Consider each other’s willingness for self-improvement and ability to change behaviors damaging the relationship. With compatible dedication, you can evolve together in a healthy partnership.
As you navigate relationships, remember that shared values and life goals with your partner are just as critical to long-term success. Book marriage or premarital counseling today to learn how to take your relationship to another level.
Friends, kids, relationship, oh my!
Who’s excited for summer to be here? Well I mean the end of the school year, not the scorching heat we already have here in Florida. I know I am and of course I’ll tell you why.
For me, summer means looser schedules, later nights and much more happiness all the way around. We do some camp for the kids, do a family vacation and do some lay low time. But what about summer that I LOVE the most!
I have more time for everything in my life!
I kinda realized this last summer that when there’s no homework, no sports or scheduled activities, and we have a set easier schedule, I can relax, take it easy and enjoy life more.
What does this have to do with the title anyways? Well, for the better part of the year I’m super busy being mom, wife, daughter, worker, friend and everything else that there’s always a choice I have to make on which one is more important.
How do we decide who gets our time and how it’s divided equally among all those parts?
I had someone tell me when I went from one girl to two and I was wondering how the heck I’m going to deal with it all, I was told, “Toddlers have wants and babies have needs.” Ah, that makes sense, deal with the baby first right? Well, not always. So I learned to decide who needed my time more and then just tended to that girl at the time.
Where’s “my” time in all of this. I’m going at a rate of 1000, doing for others so when do I slow down and do for myself? Um, some would say that you only do for yourself when you do for others and some would say do for yourself first then others (that might have gotten a laugh out of you). Seriously, who does for themselves? So, let’s break it down into what I would like for you.
Yourself
You cannot do for others if you have nothing left to give. Nurture yourself, watch the show, eat the ice cream, take the day to do nothing. Up to you what that means just do it enough so you feel as if you are rested and ready to go!
Partner
The next on the list is your partner because they came before the kids and became more important than your family when you got married (we can debate this one later of course!) Nurturing your relationship will keep you out of my office!! If you decide to come in, I’m going to help you realize you need to put the effort into yourself.
Good Friends
I use the word “good” here because if you’re doing something out of obligation say that you are being forced to go to a party, revert back to number 1 or even 2. Good friends will always be there no matter how much time you spend with them.
Children
Gosh, they can really take up all of your time if you are not careful. Just the worry alone can eat away at your time. Be a parent, teach, love, nurture when you are able to. Yes, you can hand the kids off to the partner to have a day, yes you can do the same for them. Children always have needs, needs, needs. Great thing is that they also have unconditional love so you can mess up and that’s okay, works both ways!!
Family
I’m talking about in-laws, your parents, siblings, etc. All of those people in your life before you met your partner and you had those children. Yes, there are times when you put them first, but not before your own family. When you committed yourself to your partner, you formed a family and that’s where your priorities are. Lots of people still put there extended family before their partner and if I can get you to just think about that today, i’m doing something right!!
It is exhausting being all these things to all these people.
I didn’t even talk about all the other obligations we have for ourselves including work. There’s so much to do all the time and the only way you will get it done is nurture the relationships as you see fit. Yes, don’t just agree with me. I’m seeing and telling you what I believe to be true. I know its hard but one things I do want you to agree on is putting yourself first. No, it’s not selfish, it’s “selfull!”
Do you put yourself first? Do you have time for others? Would love to hear how you prioritize all of the things in your life.
Let’s stick with the sticky stuff
Are you doing okay? Lots to read lately I’m sure. We recently had our spring break and we took a family vacation!!! I’m excited and the best part is that it was budgeted beforehand. Yep, that’s right we have a budget and we talk about our budget twice a month. It’s a hard thing to talk about, it’s sticky and annoying and easier just to spend money, but guess what? You need to talk about the sticky stuff or else you shouldn’t be doing it.
Let’s talk about the sticky stuff or at least what I get all the time as sticky stuff.
Money
Might as well start with this one because I was just talking about it. If you are spending it, living it, then talk about it. Have a budget even if you aren’t living within your means right now. Being about to talk about it does help and trust me, it gets easier!
Sex
Yep, that’s right, if you’re doing it, you need to talk about it. Find out what’s working, what you enjoy, what’s not working and if you’re both satisfied with the amount of sex in your life. If you’re not, talk about it, if you are, then great, keep at it!!
Parenting styles
I talk about this one from time to time. Isn’t it cute when you see your partner laughing with your kids when it’s bedtime? NOPE, it’s bedtime. Well, to you it might be bedtime but for your partner, it might be bonding time. Again, don’t get mad, talk about it, find a common balance that works for both of you. Trust me, you don’t want to be with someone that thinks like yourself, that’s why you’re with someone different. Trust those differences and find a common balance.
Extended family
Um, so your partner wants you to take care of them when they are sick? What, you remember as a child being left alone and that’s how you like it. Are you kidding me, your partner’s mom is coming over to take care of them when they’re sick. Okay, you get the point. If your families think differently, that’s okay because guess what, you get to make up the rules now. Remember all of those rituals of connections, talk about them, come up with your own rituals and leave the extended family as extended.
I’m going to stop there because I’m hoping by now you get my point. Anything and everything can and should be talked about. It’s the sticky things that really should be talked about because they are even harder to talk about.
Do you talk about the sticky situations?
How does that work out for you? Did I miss yours? Tell me about it and also share how you talk through it.
I’m always open to hearing things you want me to write about. If you have a topic, please feel free to email me jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and share with me.
Extended family, love ’em or leave ’em?
I’m always writing about things that I experience as well as things I find that will be helpful to you. There are a few phrases that I repeat over and over again and this is one of them, “When you become a couple everyone else is considered extended family.” What does this mean to you or even me? It becomes really simple when you think about an umbrella or even a roof over your head, walls around you and everyone else looking inside through a window. Yep. what does that mean in real life to you?
It means YOU always choose your partner
What are some ways to protect yourself from fighting about extended families or even feeling stressed because you’re being pulled in too many directions?
Let’s break it down here
Choose me
Life becomes simple when you don’t have a choice and you always know what to choose. Choosing your partner, your children over your parents, or siblings makes it easier to have a closer relationship with your partner.
Talk about it
If either of you are having a hard time with your family, your partner’s family or close friends, this is the ideal time to have one of those stress reducing conversations and put some points in the emotional bank. You have each other’s back for sure.
Back-to-back
When your partner is venting, it’s a great time to have their back. Meaning, don’t get upset with them, just listen, be supportive and hold your upset emotions in. If you get upset as well, then it WILL lead to a different conversation or even a fight.
Pick your battles
Let’s go back to the first rule about siding with your partner. This will be something that you both will have to decide. If you or your partner has a family member that is upsetting, decide together what to get into with them and figure out together how to deal with it.
Holidays
If holidays are fun for you with your families, great! If not, you both need to decide what it means to be a family and what you want to show your family.
Hear me now! IT IS OKAY TO SKIP HOLIDAYS.
I put that in caps because I didn’t want you to miss it. Enjoy your time with your family and your holidays should be enjoyable.
Does this make sense? If it does, then you need to work to figure out what part of this does, talk to your partner and decide together how to deal with it. Don’t make your partner the enemy. Don’t take out your frustrations on your partner because of your family.
REMEMBER TO CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER!
More than just surviving
Happy Spring Break and more than happy to be back in the groove today!!! I had the pleasure of going on a vacation last week and since it was a short trip, we decided to drive. Each way was about 9 hours and the way up we did it straight through and on the way back we broke up the trip. Boy oh boy was it an adventure.
I’m not saying that in a negative way, I’m saying that it was awesome!!!
Time to get my point right?
Well, it was a family trip and since we’re always a couple, we look for ways to stay connected when we travel. Anyone know what I mean? Do I mean you drop the kids off at a camp? Nope, not on this trip.
As I constantly say, you’re always a couple and you’re always working on your relationship. Here’s some tips that I found helpful to stay connected on this trip.
- Separate Rooms – If you can swing this, I highly recommend it. We are very fortunate that when we travel, we can rent houses now which accommodate families. (AirBNB? Yes please!) And yes, sleeping with your partner alone on a family trip can do wonders for intimacy.
- Adult Time – Anyone continue their rituals of connections when they travel? If you do, great! If you don’t, let’s come up with a few travel rituals that work for both of you and start using them ASAP.
- Talk it out – Yes, of course there were a few tense moments on the trip, especially in the car. If your partner is upsetting you, talk it out and figure out what’s bothering you. Mostly likely it’s a trigger that is upsetting you that you need to figure out.
- Planning or Not Planning – Umm, I’m 100% a planner, my hubby, no so much. He’s more of the let’s live in the moment type. If your styles are different, come up with a compromise that works. For us, mostly our days were planned out, meals are on the go. Yes, still getting used to it, but it works well both ways so no one way is right or wrong.
- Don’t overdo it! – Vacations are supposed to be fun, right? So DON’T over do it. There’s so much to see in this world, yes you can stop and smell the roses if that’s what you want to do. Enjoy your time.
- Live in the moment – This means different things for different people but for us, we take minimal pictures and really enjoy each other and what we are doing. Help each other out with this one. If you’re looking at your vacation through your camera, put it away and explore what’s right in front of you.
Enjoy that vacation
Being able to enjoy a family vacation with my partner has been a work in progress for sure. Maybe some of you are better at this than others but for me, I had to work up to this point. It helps that our kids are really enjoying their time together and we push them to hang out. Great part about this is there’s always another opportunity to try again.
So, who’s planning a trip?
How was your last one? Any tips to share with all of us?
I can’t wait to hear from you about your tried and true methods to enjoy your vacations!!
Ready to Move Forward?
We are approaching the end of the year! Yes, we made it through another year! Love it! And love that we’re covering so much content in these newsletters together.
So, if you don’t already know how I feel about resolutions (ya know the things where you say you’re going to do all these new things in your life and then maybe you will do them or maybe you won’t) instead, I like to reflect back on what has worked this past year and how I can improve on it for next year.
Resolve to not have Resolutions
Work
Makes sense that I put this first right? Would you put this first? Seems to me that work is the easiest place in our lives to notice how well we are doing. Did you get that promotion or that bonus you were looking for? Are you where you want to be in your career? Think about all that you have done with work this year and let’s remember how great we are!
Relationship
I have to admit that I was going to put family next, but I changed my mind. I talk about relationships a lot and it’s pretty much where I focus most of my energy since it’s my work as well.
How’s your relationship going? Are you fighting less or more? Dating or ignoring each other? Take a minute and realize that if you look at it over the whole year, it might look different than just day to day!
Family
I think we can lump kids, parents, pets, etc into this category because they all take up equal amounts of my time. This past year, my parents and pets took up more time than my children so I’m looking forward to making them more of a priority next year. Who did you focus on this year? Was it worth it to you? Do you feel as if you have an energy left for yourself? Remember, 50% of your energy goes to you, 50% goes to everyone else. Raise your hand if you spend more than 50% on everyone else? Yes, let’s work to change that number up even if it’s just 1%.
Me time
Lastly and most importantly, is the me category. I put this last because for the most part that’s where we put ourselves and we need to have enough energy to be kind to ourselves. Let’s try to move this category up a few notches next year. We are working on ourselves now and for the future. What do you want to change? I want to learn how to self reflect and understand how I”m feeling when someone gets me upset. I’m going to start to work on it today!
Yes, the moral is that we don’t need lists, goals or resolutions to help us move forward with our lives. We need ourselves mostly and to stay connected to the ones around us.
I’m going to work on myself and find the areas that need to be changed, stay the same or let go.
I’m excited to hear what you are working on. Please reach out jennifer@facetofacetherapy.com and let me know how you are doing.
I”m going to reflect and think about what I want to bring to you for the new year. If you have any topics that you are interested in, please let me know!!
Cheers for now and let’s move forward!
On your mark, get set… GO!
On your mark, get set and go! Where are you going? Yes, it’s the race that we all do or don’t partake in to the end of the year. For me, my end begins at Halloween. November and December just seem to fly by very quickly. What are you going to do to stay sane until the end of the year!?
A few ideas to keep you sane
- Get Organized – Okay, right now you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to wear to the holiday party, who you want to buy gifts for and who you don’t (it’s okay to take some people off your list). Start getting organized so you can calmly make it through the holidays!
- Stay Healthy – As your stress level goes up, your immune system goes down. How do you avoid getting sick around the holidays? Stay calm, find ways to reduce your stress and remember you’re just one person.
- Just Say No – This is always an important one for me and I’m getting better and better at it. Find out what you enjoy, what you want to do and the rest of it, say no thank you. No, you don’t have to go to all the holiday parties. No, you don’t have to volunteer at your child’s school. If you have the time, go for it, if you don’t, ditch the guilt and just say no
- It’s Budgeting Time – Really, you’re just one person and you can only do some much. You need to have a conversation with yourself and/or your partner if you have one and come up with a budget for the holidays and stick to it. Seriously, people go into major debt because of the holidays and that’s not going to be you. So many cute, inexpensive ideas. Talk to the family about a secret gift exchange, come up with creative ways to reduce your budget so you’re staying stress free about money.
- Delegate, Delegate and Delegate – Um yeah, I know you have heard this before, but you’re not the most important person in the universe. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Find your tribe, split up the tasks and hand off as much as you can. The world will not end if you don’t do it all yourself. Learn to share and hand things off!
- Take Time For Yourself – Well, if you laughed at this, then maybe you need to re-read some of the other ones! Yes, if you’re feeling the stress, it’s time to take a breather and work on decompressing. Trust me, you’ll be better for it in the end.
- Who’s Up For Eating – Did you enjoy thanksgiving? I’m not one of those that counts calories on holidays but in general, I’m a healthy eater. One day is fine, stress eating is not (because if you are stressed, then you’re not reading what I am writing). If you find yourself stress eating, then take a step backwards and follow the other steps.
I’m going to stop there for now because that’s enough for this post. I really want you to try to enjoy yourself this holiday season. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, you have my permission to pamper yourself, delegate your tasks and enjoy your time!
If you’re feeling stressed out, reach out to me and I can help for sure!
Choices, choices and more choices
Life is Full of Choices
Ok, life is full of choices and it’s very confusing what choices you should make on a day to day basis. What if I told you that you make so many choices a day and that the ones you are making are the right ones! Hooray right? Well, they might not always seem as if they’re the right ones but at the time you’re making them they are.
This blog courtesy of…
This blog is courtesy of my loving, 8 year old daughter. I’m a moderately strict parent, meaning, I discipline when I have to, make tough choices when I have to and hold up to the wrath that only a child can bring. Why, you ask? Because I’m a parent and that’s what parents do. Every time we say no, we are teaching a lesson, everytime we set a limit it’s for their good and that’s called parenting.
Make a Choice
I tell my daughters that when they make a choice they can make one that will lead to a reward or a consequence. They have to choose which one they’ll make. I believe that I give them guidance along the way to at least tell them that they’re making a decision that will lead to a consequence and it is up to them to decide how to proceed. Sometimes, they proceed, other times they stop and change the course of action. Once again, I’m not telling them what to do, I’m guiding them to make choices that are good for them… and for me of course!
The Outcome
Well, my 8 year old daughter got upset with me last week because she didn’t get her way. I asked her to do something 3 times and that’s my limit. She did it and then asked for dessert afterwards. Haha, that was a nice try; “no dessert because it’s past the time for dessert,” I told her. She made the choice to not listen and spend her time the way she wanted which caused her to miss out on something she wanted.
As 8 year olds go, she got an attitude with me and that’s not something I tolerate. Luckily, we have a great relationship so it doesn’t come out all the time. When her attitude does come out, watch out world, there’s a force to be reckoned with.
So, once she calmed down, she apologized to me. I have to say, her apologies are very sincere. I explained this concept about choices to her and she chose to play around and not do what she needed to do and so she didn’t get what she wanted.
Hence, choices are so complicated and for a young mind. It’s even more so because she doesn’t think past her current choice, just the one that she’s making. She says, “Mommy, life is so confusing to me.” Yes, I 100% agreed with her! I said, “it is, and the choices we make lead us down a certain path.” Good for her (and me) that we’re in this together 100% and I’ll back her up and help her make choices that will get her what she wants.
Did she learn a lesson?
Maybe she did or maybe she didn’t. I sure learned a lesson that life is complicated and the choices that you make are the ones that put you on your path. You’re making so many and I’d hope that the choices you make are getting you what you want.
Share Your Stories
I loved this story and wanted to share it with you. If you have a similar story, let’s hear it and we can learn from your story as well. Looking forward to hearing your stories!