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Tag Archives: Couples
What I learned from the level 1 Gottman training
I have been so excited to attend the level 1 Gottman training ever since I found out about it. FAU presented it at a reduced rate which for me was a great added bonus. Of course as life is I did not expect to be moving into a hotel room for at least 4 weeks due to a water pipe breaking under my house. Nether less it packed up the car the morning of the first session to arrive at my hotel that night.
After getting completely lost on FAU campus the training finally started. Didn’t really know it was a 2 day video of John and Julie Gottman but I managed to sit for 8 hours each day and reenergize my desire to be the best couples therapist I can be.
The first interesting thing I learned is that the Gottman’s use a 3 session assessment. First session together, second session individual and third session together. Well, now I know why I love them, this is the same format I used in my ACP to finish my doctorate.
I also learned that most of the concepts being presented were ones that I already know which was reassuring as a therapist. I think the one thing I took away from the two day training is that I need to take a step back and let my clients interact more. The Gottman approach is all about the therapist sitting back and being a guide. I will allow my clients more room to explore how they can talk to themselves.
On the second day I run into a problem where I was told information via text that I could not fix because I wasn’t there. Instead of getting mad at the person, I let them know I was frustrated because I am a fixer and was unable to fix. I do believe this training helped me see I need to and teach others how best to speak from the “I” position.
The question remains will I go on to level 2 training. I am thinking yes! And I cannot wait to learn more.
Stay tuned for more tidbits from my experience at this training.
The Art of Compromise
I have been thinking about compromise lately because as a marriage and family therapist I have the pleasure of working with couples and one problem that some couples have is compromise. To really compromise it is not about one person winning and the other losing its about both people getting what they really want. Let me explain through an example:
In this relationship one partner is a doer and one is a thinker/planner. When things need to get done the doer wants it done and the planner wants to plan. Neither way is wrong and it is actually healthy to have that mix in their relationship in order to function but as you could guess it causes lots of arguments. When the doer wants something done lets say fixing a shower door. Where should the compromise be in this?
To fully compromise the doer should get a date that it can be done by and the planner can give that date and do the research to make it a great job! Both get what they want which is a shower door and neither have to fully compromise on who they are. That is the basis of all of this, is that when you are compromising who you are meaning giving in too much you loose yourself in your relationship. Communication needs to be changed and compromise needs to be mutually beneficial to both parties in the relationship to avoid all of those conflicts that couple’s love to have!
Compromise and communication are the main components of making a relationship work. Can anyone think of any other components that make a relationship work?
Relationship Seminar
On Wednesday evening, I had the opportunity to put on relationship seminar for some people in my community. Please enjoy the recorded video below.
Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMFT, LMHC is a family therapist in Coral Springs Florida, has been in practice since 2004 and a pioneer in online therapy solutions. With offices centrally located in Coral Springs Florida, she offers webcam and other convenient, online options in addition to conventional office visits. She specializes in families, couples and parental issues.
Once a month, Dr. Lagrotte will be holding therapy seminars at Congregation Kol Tikvah in Parkland, Florida and is free for all who attend. In addition, she will be publishing recordings of the seminars on her website in the seminars section at facetofacetherapy.com/seminars/
Rekindling the romance
It was my 5 year anniversary last week and I had the opportunity to spend 2 days alone with my husband and I learned a very interesting thing, I actually love him and even better I like him. I was so scared to go home because I knew that the minute we walked in the house that we would go back into our parenting roles and the stress would resume.
Ha, I was right, we were back for 10 minutes and I felt as if the entire 2 days was zapped out of me. The question that remains is how do you rekindle the romance? I could say date nights? We do those and I am still tired and stressed about the day so trying to unwind while recognizing I might have to get up in the middle of the night just puts a damper on it. Is the only answer going away without the children? I sure hope not, lets find out if anyone else has an idea.
Does anyone have any good ideas on how to rekindle the romance?
All those things that I wish I was told when I was pregnant
I am a reader and love to read books. Of course when I found out I was pregnant, I started reading and reading and finally in my third trimester, I was done reading and felt that I was as prepared as I could be to be a mom. Boy was I wrong. There are so many things that are missing from those books and I thought I would share my top ones with you.
1. Ok, so your happy that you don’t have a period for 10 months, but after your baby is born, there is a period that defines all periods. The hospital gave me elephant pads and it was scary. Don’t worry, it ends but you might never have the same periods again.
2.Your body is different, yes there are people that go back to pre-pregnancy in an instant, but the norm is to take your time, my wedding band and engagement ring still do not fit, people’s feet change size and some never loose their bellies.
3.You do not have the time to worry about the temperature of the water when you go into the pool. I used to go into the pool slowly, not anymore since I have to be in there before the kids are.
4.How do you deal with the mom guilt when both children want your attention? I’m hoping someone has the answer for this one, because I surely do not.
All said and done, I would say my life with children is far more rewarding than without. Do you have any to add to this list? Please share your stories!