Tag Archives: conflict
How Insecurity Can Affect Your Relationship
May 22, 2024
Even if they don’t admit it, every person is insecure about something. We all would like to change something about ourselves, even if we don’t admit it out loud. We may not like our physical appearance or some part of our personality.
Additionally, it’s common to feel insecure about the people in our lives. You might question the intentions of your partner or a new friend. Maybe you grapple with questions such as, “Why haven’t they left me yet,” and catastrophize the event of your partner leaving, even if there’s no evidence of that occurring.
While we all have insecurities, they can impact our relationships. Here are a few ways and, most importantly, how to deal with them.
Insecurity and Its Impact On Relationships
Constant Need for Reassurance
It’s normal and completely human to feel the need for validation occasionally. After all, we all want to know that we are loved, appreciated, or any number of things. But how often are you doing this? Does it seem as if you are the one constantly asking for reassurance about your own worth with your partner?
This could be a sign of many things. One, it is a classic sign that, in some ways, you are insecure about your relationship or your place in your partner’s life. Alternatively, it could indicate that your partner isn’t communicating with you. Also, how often are you giving your partner the same reassurance?
Regardless of the situation, this creates an imbalance in the relationship when it seems one-sided versus a partnership.
Codependency
When you rely on someone else for happiness, you lose some of your independence. This can also lead to a risk of the relationship becoming codependent.
When you are insecure about your relationship or yourself, you will turn to your partner to seek validation. As we mentioned earlier, that’s completely fine. However, when you cannot find a good give-and-take, it can put a lot of strain on the relationship.
Sometimes, one partner relies more on the other, but it should never be one-sided.
Conflict
Inevitably, insecurity leads to arguments and tension in a relationship. When one partner constantly needs reassurance, it adds consistent pressure on the other person to do so. High tensions in a relationship can affect the relationship by causing a couple to argue about absolutely everything.
Insecurities can lead to toxic behaviors that are fueled by jealousy. For example, due to insecurities in a relationship, you might unintentionally cause arguments. When one person is constantly doubting the other, it can put a wedge between them. One of the consequences of this could be that trust is lost.
How to Deal With Insecurity
If you are dealing with insecurity in your relationship, it is likely making you feel as if the relationship is doomed. However, even though insecurity is present in the relationship, that does not mean the relationship is toxic.
While insecurities may not harm the relationship, they can cause some of the issues we listed above and more if they become out of control. Dealing with insecurities, whether it is with ourselves or our partners, is a deeply personal experience. When it comes to our own insecurities, we often don’t want to face them due to the root cause of why they are occurring. And knowing your partner has insecurities is just as challenging because you don’t want to bring them up and hurt their feelings.
If you aren’t sure where to start, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for couples counseling. Therapy can help you tackle the issues that are causing problems in your relationship as well as strengthen your connection with each other.
Healthy Conflict Can Create a Healthy Relationship
January 8, 2024
Healthy conflict seems like an oxymoron. After all, how can any type of conflict be good? While it may seem odd to say it, conflict in a relationship can be a good thing! You just need to know how to do it right.
Even though you and your partner mesh well and may share similar interests or hobbies, you are still two individual people. You may have a life together, but you also have your own things going on, such as careers or other obligations. Factoring all of this in, not knowing how to communicate with each other can be a recipe for disaster. All couples face these issues, especially the longer they are together.
If you are tired of repeating the same arguments and tension cycles, healthy conflict can create a better relationship. Here’s how to start.
How To Have Healthy Conflict In A Relationship
Be Honest, But Not Cruel
Let’s face it: we all experience times when our partner frustrates us. They may do or say things we wish they wouldn’t, or don’t, for that matter. We get into little arguments over seemingly pointless and dumb stuff that really doesn’t matter.
When facing stress and tension in our lives, we often blurt out how we feel or what we think about a certain situation. While you should always be honest with each other, there are better ways to go about it.
It may seem elementary to say this, but think before you speak. Instead of saying the first thing that comes to your mind, pause and ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to say going to help the situation? How will my partner take this? Am I speaking from a place of honesty or anger?”
Listen Without Needing to Speak
We all want to be seen and heard by the people in our lives. Keep this in mind: your partner feels the same exact way. While you are in a discussion about something or disagreeing, listen to them and resist the urge to speak. That means trying not to interrupt them until they are finished.
You should still try to give cues that you are listening, such as nodding your head or even saying something like, “I understand.” But you should only interject if what you are going to say shows you are really listening. You’ll have time to say what you need to say!
Not interrupting each other can help conflict stay healthy instead of a screaming match when you are just talking over one another.
Treat Each Other With Respect
When communicating with each other, remember that you should always be respectful towards your partner in how you speak to them. That means you should avoid things like name-calling, belittling, or blaming them outright.
Shifting your language can also go a long way to ensure conflict stays healthy. For instance, your instinct may be to say something like, “You never listen to me!” Here, this can come off as accusatory and may cause them to become defensive. Instead, switch the language so it expresses how you feel. “I feel as if you haven’t been listening to me lately.” It is saying the same thing, essentially, but the approach is less accusatory.
How Therapy Can Help
It’s not easy to admit that you or your relationship is struggling. If we’re being honest, every relationship goes through ebbs and flows that test it. With that said, though, if you are finding yourselves in a toxic cycle of arguing, don’t be afraid to reach out for help through couples therapy or marriage counseling.
You can learn effective communication skills while getting to the root cause of the most tension and stress in your relationship.
Managing Conflict
July 26, 2023
Would it be surprising to hear that conflict is not a bad thing?
For most couples, the word conflict is synonymous with arguments, tension, and feeling frustrated with one another. Unfortunately, for many couples, this is exactly what the word conflict translates to in their relationship. However, when conflict is managed the right way, it doesn’t have to lead to a screaming match. Getting into an argument does not mean that the relationship is toxic or dysfunctional. It only turns that way when there is a communication breakdown. Fortunately, learning how to manage conflict for a healthier relationship effectively is possible.
How To Engage In Healthy Conflict
Show respect – even while in conflict
One of the basic foundations of a relationship is respect. Yes, you might become frustrated with one another, but screaming matches don’t help anything. Insulting each other or name-calling is never okay, either. After all, when was the last time that either resulted in the conflict being resolved peacefully? When one or both of you feel disrespected in any way, it inevitably leads to more conflict and tension. This often leads to an argument about one thing turning into something else entirely. Before you speak, take a step back to think about if what you want to say will result in mutual understanding and resolution. If you aren’t sure, it will likely be best to leave it unspoken for now.
Shift your statements
We all want our opinions to be heard. We want the other person to understand our side and perspective. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to articulate this correctly. What this results in are statements that are focused on them and not you. You may consider using “I Statements (wikipedia link)“. For example, you might say, “You never care about what I have to say,” which can be seen as very accusatory. Instead, shift this statement to, “I just feel like you never take me seriously or listen to me when I talk.” Do you see the difference? The second statement expresses how you feel about the situation. You are still saying what you need to, but in a way that won’t immediately cause your partner to become defensive.
Own up to your mistakes
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and have slip-ups. We all have misunderstandings and say things that we regret later on. It’s hard to admit when we are wrong. In conflict, howoften do we only focus on what our partner did or said? It’s uncomfortable for humans to admit they also played a role in the tension and conflict. Part of conflict resolution is admitting to each other that you made a mistake. Apologize for your words and actions and ask them to forgive you. As a team, you can then move forward while being able to leave it in the past.
Look at the bigger picture
It’s common for most couples to get into arguments about household responsibilities. Many don’t realize they aren’t arguing about the dishwasher not being unloaded or the laundry needing to be washed. When couples argue about household responsibilities, it’s often a sign of something else entirely. It’s just a small tip of the iceberg showing above the surface. You can learn to have healthier conflict by taking a step back and thinking about why else you are arguing. Are you stressed because of work and taking it out on each other? Do you feel as if, overall, your partner isn’t pulling their weight with the household responsibilities?
Nobody wants to intentionally causes arguments with their partner. Instead, many smaller issues often pile up that cause couples to find themselves in a cycle of conflict. If you are not communicating effectively with your partner, feel free to reach out for couples therapy. Together, we can help you learn to manage conflict so it no longer becomes a source of stress and tension between you.