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Tag Archives: children
Temper Tantrums and the best ways to avoid them!
Whose been there, trying to rush to do errands and all of a suden your child throws a fit? Everybody has been there, let’s talk about how to avoid these temper tantrums!
1. Water- dehydration is a big cause of mood change especially in this heat. Make sure your kiddos are well hydrated throughout the day.
2. Food-same goes with food. If a child plays for an hour, feed them and make sure they have eaten enough before resuming activities.
3. Sleep-major temper tantrums can be avoided if you understand your child ‘s sleep schedule and do not plan a morn or activity if they are low on sleep.
4. Time-children need help transitioning from one activity to another, need time to adjust, give them a count down and be patient when they do not want to leave especially if already experencing 1-3,
5.Places- children behave better when they are not pressured to. If you need to bring them to an adult activity such as grocery shopping understand they can behave but will get bored easily, be prepared and have fun!
6. Electronic pacifiers- I call all of the iPads and phones that we give children to distract them. What happens when you do not have the devise and the child does not know how to act? I would suggest leaving immediately.
As fas as how to handle them, an average temper tantrums lasts between 1-3 minutes, if you try to intervene it will last longer. Normally children snap back immediately and reset but us adults are affected more. Try to remember why they are having their temper tantrums and that they can only handle so much!
Did I leave anything out? Would love to hear how you handle temper tantrums and ways to avoid them.
The time out debate
I hear parents talk about discipline all the time whether it’s the spanking debate or the time out debate. I am a big believer in time outs and I of course will tell you why!
In my opinion time out is a way for a parent and a child to reset and start over. If you are like me, I put my child in time out only when she does something that bothers me. Hence when I am bothered by my child, I need a time out. As parents this great intervention was given to us to be able to take a break, take a deep breathe and be able to calmly parent again.
Time outs need to be seen as an advantage to reset the behavior or mood and go along with your day. If you have a child who is not listening and it’s driving you crazy, then it’s time for you to reset and take a parent time out.
As parents we all get frustrated even down right angry with our children which is normal and the right emotion to feel. How you handle that anger is what makes you a different parent than the next.
Who agrees with me? Or better yet disagrees would love to hear how you deal with time outs
Relationship Seminar
On Wednesday evening, I had the opportunity to put on relationship seminar for some people in my community. Please enjoy the recorded video below.
Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT, LMFT, LMHC is a family therapist in Coral Springs Florida, has been in practice since 2004 and a pioneer in online therapy solutions. With offices centrally located in Coral Springs Florida, she offers webcam and other convenient, online options in addition to conventional office visits. She specializes in families, couples and parental issues.
Once a month, Dr. Lagrotte will be holding therapy seminars at Congregation Kol Tikvah in Parkland, Florida and is free for all who attend. In addition, she will be publishing recordings of the seminars on her website in the seminars section at facetofacetherapy.com/seminars/
Rekindling the romance
It was my 5 year anniversary last week and I had the opportunity to spend 2 days alone with my husband and I learned a very interesting thing, I actually love him and even better I like him. I was so scared to go home because I knew that the minute we walked in the house that we would go back into our parenting roles and the stress would resume.
Ha, I was right, we were back for 10 minutes and I felt as if the entire 2 days was zapped out of me. The question that remains is how do you rekindle the romance? I could say date nights? We do those and I am still tired and stressed about the day so trying to unwind while recognizing I might have to get up in the middle of the night just puts a damper on it. Is the only answer going away without the children? I sure hope not, lets find out if anyone else has an idea.
Does anyone have any good ideas on how to rekindle the romance?
Parenting Styles
I was at Lion Country Safari with my family today and of course being a therapist, I love to look around and see what everybody else is doing. On one side of me, I had a couple who ordered all fried food for themselves and for their children and on the other side I had a husband and wife order kids meals with fried food. Both families let their children sit by themselves while they sat at a different table. It occurred to me how many different parenting styles there are and if one is better than the other?
I believe that we are role models for our children and what we do they do as well. I try to live a healthy life and reflect that onto my children and wonder if others are thinking how their food choices affect their children’s choices.
I also do not believe in making my children finish their food. If they want dessert, it makes me believe that they have room for more food so I do make them finish in that case, but over feeding a child is just wrong to me and I think it leads to more problems in the future. I overheard a mother say to her child today, “You need to sit on your bottom and finish your food or else I have no problem yanking your pants down and spanking you right here.” Okay, so what is the issue for me here. It is actually the forcing your child to finish your food. I was watching this boy and he was full and he was done. So why was he forced to eat? I am not sure. Now, I am sure she was looking at my children who left half of their food and were up from the table throwing out our food and saying, “Gosh, why isn’t she parenting?
So which is right or wrong? The answer is simple, there is no right or wrong, it is just what you know. I can only hope that we all continue to try to be better people for our children so they have the best example to follow. We only know what we have been taught and we are all doing the best we can, but is that good enough? Should we be doing better?
Let me know your thoughts because I would like feedback on this topic.
Back To School
Whether it is this week, next week or it has already happened, back to school is in full swing. My children are young, but we are still getting excited for school. We got our back to school supplies, backpack is packed and lunch is ready for tomorrow. What does back to school mean to me?
Schedule-I hear from a lot of people that their schedules are more relaxed in the summer time. As I have learned from experience over and over again, children thrive on schedule and routine. It is great for them and great for us. Keep them on a schedule and share that schedule for them as well.
Activities-Along with those schedules comes all the activities that the fall brings. Whether its sports, dance or something else there is more activities than space in this blog. Just remember that the activities need to be fun and also have time for family and play. If there is a time when the schedule becomes too much, this is where you need to cut the time. Trust me, your children will survive and be thankful in the end.
Emotions-Whether its your own or your child’s emotions can flare up around the time of drop off or even pick up. Have enough time for your child, remember that there might have been something that upset them during the day and they are letting it out after school is over. Just take time and talk, make sure they are not hungry, tired or thirsty before those activities.
As always, this is a collaborative approach so if you have anything to add, please let me know.
All those things that I wish I was told when I was pregnant
I am a reader and love to read books. Of course when I found out I was pregnant, I started reading and reading and finally in my third trimester, I was done reading and felt that I was as prepared as I could be to be a mom. Boy was I wrong. There are so many things that are missing from those books and I thought I would share my top ones with you.
1. Ok, so your happy that you don’t have a period for 10 months, but after your baby is born, there is a period that defines all periods. The hospital gave me elephant pads and it was scary. Don’t worry, it ends but you might never have the same periods again.
2.Your body is different, yes there are people that go back to pre-pregnancy in an instant, but the norm is to take your time, my wedding band and engagement ring still do not fit, people’s feet change size and some never loose their bellies.
3.You do not have the time to worry about the temperature of the water when you go into the pool. I used to go into the pool slowly, not anymore since I have to be in there before the kids are.
4.How do you deal with the mom guilt when both children want your attention? I’m hoping someone has the answer for this one, because I surely do not.
All said and done, I would say my life with children is far more rewarding than without. Do you have any to add to this list? Please share your stories!
Traditions
I spent the day today with my family at Lion Country Safari and I can still remember going their myself as a child. I am happy to say that today was still a great memory as my previous ones as a child! As I was forming new memories with my children it got me thinking about traditions and how they are important to us. I can remember having my grandparents over for Friday night dinners as a child and when I got older, I would go out to breakfast with them every Saturday. Of course, I did not always enjoy getting up for breakfast or missing things on a Friday night but I do believe that the foundation that these traditions established for me as helped me as an adult.
My children are still young, so we do not have that many traditions as a family yet but after today, I would like that to change. We do eat breakfast together every morning and meal time is always a time for us to connect. We cannot always eat together of course but when we do, it is family time. I think we need to put down our phones, ipads, televisions, etc and work on connecting as a family more. I know that I benefited from it as a child and I can only hope that I can pass down those same values to my children.
Traditions can be anything that you do as a family. It does not have to be something that you did as a child but just something to connect as a family. I would love to hear about your traditions and how they have helped you connect with your family.
Affection
Okay, so I have two children and I have noticed lately that both of them show affection differently. I was curious if they really show affection differently or do I respond to them in different ways. I have one child who is as reserved as reserved can be, getting a hug out of her is a major accomplishment, then the other child is blowing kisses, reaching for hugs and always showing affection. I give them equal attention, show them equal affection and constantly tell them that I love them. I kiss and hug them all the time and when I get hugs and kisses back it makes my day. I am not a believer in pushing for affection so if I ask for a kiss and I get shut down, I am okay with it.
I was reading an article recently and the pro’s and cons of pushing for affection and I believe this is a charged issue with parents. I think about parents that give and give affection without getting anything in return such as with autistic children and then of course I feel bad about my need for affection. Bottom line for me is that I do know that both my children love me and they always know I love them, so the big question remains?
Should you force affection or take what you get?