Tag Archives: anger
I’m angry! Are you?
June 11, 2019
Happy summer to you! I sometimes talk about myself in sessions and I always get looks of relief to know that yes, I get mad at my husband, my kids, my family and YES, I am human.
Here’s the trick to anger, at least for me. It’s really how you deal with it that is how you feel afterwards.
I’m kind of a sensitive person and I take things to heart. I’m also a giver and I love to make other people happy. I know these things about myself and I also know that I’m a yeller and my husband is the quiet one.
I really don’t like being the yeller in the family. If you meet me, you wouldn’t think I’m the yeller so you know what I did one day? I decided I wasn’t going to yell anymore! You ask me how I did that? I really didn’t like the way I felt after yelling was over. Besides the fact that my throat was hurting me, I really didn’t like who I was. Yes, I was a bit scary.
How do you change?
So, how do you change something about yourself when you want to? Let’s break it down.
Know thyself!
I couldn’t really do this if I didn’t understand why I was yelling. I could blame my husband for this because he’s the silent one and I need communication, but what good would that do. I had to really look deep into myself and figure out the reasons I was yelling. Once I did that, I was able to change the way I spoke when I got angry.
No blaming
As I just said, it’s so easy to blame someone else. “Well, if they would talk more, I wouldn’t yell so much.” Nope, no way, that’s not how it works. Nobody makes you do anything. If I want to change myself, I have to change myself. Changing the people around me is not going to work.
Less stress, more calm
I like to think I’m a calm person, but if I’m yelling, am I really a calm person? Nope. So what can I do to calm myself when I feel like yelling? I can exercise, take some deep breaths, read, or anything to calm me down instead of yelling.
Trial and error
Anytime you want to change something about yourself, it is tough stuff! Even if you know it’s good for you to do, give yourself some breaks, please. We are so hard on ourselves and we need to be gentle. If you mess up, try again. Eventually, you will get it if you work hard enough on it.
So, do I still get angry?
Of course I do, it’s part of life and I’m only human. Do I yell still? Not so much and I feel as if I’ve grown from it. Yes, it’s possible to evolve if you want to.
Do you want to change how you deal with anything? If so, give me a shout and let me know.
Exercise time out
May 12, 2014
I had a very interesting conversation today and what else do you do with interesting conversations except blog about them. I have been hearing a lot of what I believe to be Mom’s trying to understand boys energy level and how they can get them to calm down. Do they really need to calm down? There are so many places where boys have to be calm, in school, restaurants and the list goes on but in those rare occasions that boys get to be boys they sometimes release all of their energy in one place and that might confuse or scare an adult watching them by saying they need to calm down.
I do not think they need to calm down and I think they need to be encouraged to get that energy out in the right place and time. In this conversation I had today, I came up with an exercise time-out. This is where you either suggest to your boy a few activities to do or they can come up with them by themselves depending on age and when the energy level gets too high and you can see the frustration starting to kick in, its time for an energy time-out. This can be as simple as running around the yard for 5 minutes, running up and down stairs if you have them or riding a bike. This time-out is designed to get the energy out before your boy does something with the anger. In time, they can help you figure out what they need and how they can get to do these exercise time outs. Make it fun and remember boys will be boys and they are full of energy. Lets work to get that energy out in a positive manner and help them learn something about themselves at the same time!