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Author Archives: Dr. Lagrotte
How to Learn from Past Relationship Mistakes
As you look back on past relationships, dwelling on mistakes is natural. While reflection can provide insight, getting stuck in regret keeps you from moving forward. Rather than lamenting “what ifs,” view your relationship history as a learning experience. The challenges and missteps you’ve navigated have shaped who you are today.
To learn from past relationship mistakes, you must identify key issues. Analyze points of conflict and areas in which you struggled. Consider how you communicated and where you could have improved. Ask yourself hard questions to gain insight into your role in the relationship’s demise.
Once you identify issues, determine patterns. Do the same problems recur in your relationships? Are there certain types of partners or relationship dynamics you repeatedly choose that ultimately do not fulfill you? Recognizing unhealthy patterns is the first step to changing them.
Analyze Your Patterns
Recurring Themes
To avoid repeating mistakes, analyze your relationship history to identify themes. For example, do you frequently become involved with unavailable partners or struggle to communicate openly? Recognizing unhealthy patterns is the first step to changing them.
Attachment Style
Your attachment style refers to how you emotionally connect with romantic partners. If you have an anxious attachment style, you may worry about being abandoned and seek constant reassurance from your partner. An avoidant attachment style means you have difficulty trusting and depending on your partner. A secure attachment style leads to stable, healthy relationships. Knowing your attachment style can help you understand your behavior and needs.
Learn and Grow From Your Mistakes
To progress after a breakup, reflect on the experiences you’ve gained. Analyze what went wrong in the relationship and how you can grow from your mistakes.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
It can be difficult, but take responsibility for your shortcomings. Perhaps you struggled with communication or jealousy. Recognize your faults and determine how to strengthen yourself in those areas going forward.
Forgive Yourself and Your Partner
Harboring resentment will only make you bitter. While the end of a relationship is hard, forgive yourself and your ex. This allows you both to move on in a healthy way. Forgiveness is for you, not them.
Prioritize Self-Care
Make self-care a top priority. Pursue hobbies, social engagements, and personal interests that boost your confidence from within. By valuing yourself, you establish standards for how you deserve to be treated in relationships. Healthy self-esteem will help you spot incompatible partners sooner and avoid unhealthy dynamics.
Develop Realistic Expectations
Do not search for an idealized partner. Instead, look for compatibility based on mutual understanding and respect. Understand that relationships require effort and compromise, not perfection, to thrive. With realistic expectations, you open yourself to finding a caring partner with whom you can build a sustainable connection over the long term.
Commit to Personal Growth
Use your newfound wisdom to better yourself. If you struggle with communication, take a class on those skills. If you want to build confidence, start a new hobby. Improving yourself will lead to healthier relationships down the road.
Moving Forward
The past cannot be changed, but you can learn from it.
Date Intentionally
When embarking on new relationships, be deliberate about your intentions and priorities. Seek partners with whom you share mutual care, trust, and values. Evaluate what you offer a partner, and look for those offering complementary traits.
Communicate Openly
Candid communication is key. Discuss your desires openly and listen without judgment. Share your fears and insecurities, as well as your hopes and dreams. Ask probing questions to foster understanding. Make requests clearly and check that your partner comprehends your meaning. Accept that misunderstandings will happen; commit to resolving them respectfully.
If you feel like you are repeating past relationship mistakes, counseling can be an excellent way to recognize and change patterns. Contact our office to book a consultation to see how we can help you in your future dating endeavors.
Examining the Effect Unmet Childhood Needs Have on Adult Relationships
Our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment style — our expectations for how relationships work. If your childhood needs weren’t fully met, you may have developed an insecure attachment style that sabotages your adult relationships. These childhood experiences shape how we view relationships, forming the internal working models of attachment we carry into adulthood. When your childhood needs for love, nurturing, and security are unmet, building healthy relationships as an adult can be difficult. Here is how our unmet childhood impacts our adult relationships.
Common Unmet Childhood Needs That Affect Relationships
Lack of Affection
Did your parents express affection openly while you were growing up? If not, you may struggle to show affection in your adult relationships. Physical touch and verbal affirmations are important for development, and their lack can affect your ability to be intimate with partners. Try to express affection, even if it feels unnatural at first. With practice, it will get easier.
Feeling Unheard
Children need to feel heard and understood. If your family didn’t allow you to share your thoughts and feelings, you probably felt lonely and unimportant. As an adult, you may be reluctant to open up to others or have difficulty listening without judgment. Work on improving your communication skills through active listening and speaking your truth with compassion.
Lack of Encouragement
Our self-esteem is profoundly shaped by the encouragement we receive in childhood. If you lack cheerleaders, you may doubt yourself and your abilities. Practice positive self-talk, celebrate your wins, and look for a partner who believes in and lifts you. You deserve to feel encouraged and supported.
Unreliability
If the adults in your life were unpredictable or undependable, you likely developed an anxious attachment style. You may cling to partners, fear abandonment, or have trouble trusting that your needs will be met. Look for reliable and consistent people with whom to build secure attachments. You can heal from an unreliable past through healthy relationships and learn to trust again.
How Unmet Childhood Needs Impact Adult Relationships
Intimacy Issues
Some people don’t receive enough affection, validation, or quality time with their caregivers as kids. As adults, they may struggle to open up to romantic partners or have trouble sustaining emotional intimacy because they never learned how. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your partner and ask for the intimacy and affection you’ve always wanted.
Trouble Compromising
Not having your needs met as a child can make compromising within relationships difficult. You may feel resentful when you don’t get your way or feel anxious about not controlling outcomes. Practice active listening, be willing to understand other perspectives, and find mutually agreeable solutions. Learn to speak up for yourself while also respecting your partner’s needs.
Difficulty Trusting
If your childhood needs for safety, security, and reliability weren’t met, you may have trouble trusting your partner or being vulnerable in relationships. But don’t lose hope! Make sure to date someone who proves themselves trustworthy and communicates openly. As the relationship progresses, try opening up in small ways and look for signs that sharing more of yourself is safe. With time and patience, trust can be rebuilt.
Self-Esteem Problems
Not having your needs met as a child can damage your self-esteem, making you more prone to jealousy, control issues, or codependence in relationships. Work on loving yourself, setting boundaries, and not relying on your partner for validation. Pursue your interests and accomplishments to build confidence from the inside out. Learn to feel secure on your own two feet and have healthier relationships.
While changing the past is impossible, you can shape your future. If you had unmet needs growing up resulting in an attachment disorder, the first step toward healing is recognizing the need for healing. Book an appointment with us today so we can support you on this journey.
How To Let Go Of Trying To Be The Perfect Partner
You know what they say — nobody’s perfect. But that doesn’t stop you from trying your darndest to be the absolute best partner. You go above and beyond to keep them happy. You give it your all daily, determined to be everything they want or need. But the truth is, all that pressure you put on yourself will only backfire. Trying to be perfect will take its toll, leaving you exhausted, frustrated, and like a failure when you inevitably fall short. So, how do you learn to relax? How do you ignore unrealistic expectations and focus on being yourself?
Why You Should Let Go of Trying to Be Perfect
Being in a relationship means accepting your partner as they are, flaws and all. Similarly, you should allow yourself the same grace. Here are a few reasons why you should release yourself from the need to be perfect:
- You’re setting unrealistic expectations. No one is perfect, so expecting that of yourself or your partner is unrealistic and unfair. Focus on appreciating each other as you are.
- It leads to anxiety and self-doubt. Constantly worrying that you’re not measuring up can fill you with anxiety, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. Learn to accept yourself and embrace your imperfections.
- It creates distance in the relationship. If you’re always trying to hide your flaws and put on an act of perfection, you can’t achieve true intimacy and connection. Let your guard down and allow your partner to see the real you.
- You miss out on growth opportunities. Imperfection allows us to learn and grow. Accepting your flaws and shortcomings and those of your partner gives you room to learn from your mistakes, develop new skills, and become better people.
How to Embrace Imperfection and Deepen Your Connection
Let go of trying to be the “perfect” partner. The truth is, that’s a myth. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and every person has flaws, quirks, and imperfections. You’re going to make mistakes and bad decisions sometimes. Learn to forgive yourself. Your worth isn’t defined by your perceived flaws or shortcomings. Love yourself for who you are.
Stop Criticizing and Start Appreciating
When you try to be perfect, you are more prone to seeing the flaws in others. It’s easy to get caught up in criticizing your partner’s messy habits or tendency to be late. But criticism, no matter how constructive, erodes intimacy. Try to notice what you appreciate about your partner each day. Appreciate the joyful moments you share. Express gratitude for your partner and relationship. The good times far outweigh the bad if you try to notice them. Create more opportunities to bond over new experiences. Concentrate on developing your strengths and the qualities that make you a good partner.
Accept That You Will Disagree
No two people see eye to eye all the time. Learn to accept disagreement and conflict as a natural part of a healthy relationship. Stay calm and listen to each other rather than attacking or becoming defensive. Some of the deepest intimacy comes from working through challenges together. Learn to compromise by listening to other perspectives, finding common ground, and willingness to meet in the middle. A compromise that satisfies both parties is ideal. Know when to agree to disagree.
Embrace Vulnerability
Share your deepest fears, longings, and imperfections with your partner. Be fully yourself, without pretense or judgment. Make it safe for them to do the same. Vulnerability is the foundation of emotional intimacy and connection. When you embrace imperfection, drop your masks, and reveal your true selves to each other — that’s where the magic happens.
We all want to be the perfect partner, but trying too hard to be flawless only leads to anxiety, resentment, and feeling like a fraud. No one is perfect, so stop putting pressure on yourself and your relationship. Book an appointment with us, and we’ll provide an outside, unbiased perspective to help you work through challenges together.
Examining the Effect Unmet Childhood Needs Have on Adult Relationships
Our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment style — our expectations for how relationships work. If your childhood needs weren’t fully met, you may have developed an insecure attachment style that sabotages your adult relationships. These childhood experiences shape how we view relationships, forming the internal working models of attachment we carry into adulthood. When your childhood needs for love, nurturing, and security are unmet, building healthy relationships as an adult can be difficult. Here is how our unmet childhood impacts our adult relationships.
Common Unmet Childhood Needs That Affect Relationships
Lack of Affection
Did your parents express affection openly while you were growing up? If not, you may struggle to show affection in your adult relationships. Physical touch and verbal affirmations are important for development, and their lack can affect your ability to be intimate with partners. Try to express affection, even if it feels unnatural at first. With practice, it will get easier.
Feeling Unheard
Children need to feel heard and understood. If your family didn’t allow you to share your thoughts and feelings, you probably felt lonely and unimportant. As an adult, you may be reluctant to open up to others or have difficulty listening without judgment. Work on improving your communication skills through active listening and speaking your truth with compassion.
Lack of Encouragement
Our self-esteem is profoundly shaped by the encouragement we receive in childhood. If you lack cheerleaders, you may doubt yourself and your abilities. Practice positive self-talk, celebrate your wins, and look for a partner who believes in and lifts you. You deserve to feel encouraged and supported.
Unreliability
If the adults in your life were unpredictable or undependable, you likely developed an anxious attachment style. You may cling to partners, fear abandonment, or have trouble trusting that your needs will be met. Look for reliable and consistent people with whom to build secure attachments. You can heal from an unreliable past through healthy relationships and learn to trust again.
How Unmet Childhood Needs Impact Adult Relationships
Intimacy Issues
Some people don’t receive enough affection, validation, or quality time with their caregivers as kids. As adults, they may struggle to open up to romantic partners or have trouble sustaining emotional intimacy because they never learned how. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your partner and ask for the intimacy and affection you’ve always wanted.
Trouble Compromising
Not having your needs met as a child can make compromising within relationships difficult. You may feel resentful when you don’t get your way or feel anxious about not controlling outcomes. Practice active listening, be willing to understand other perspectives, and find mutually agreeable solutions. Learn to speak up for yourself while also respecting your partner’s needs.
Difficulty Trusting
If your childhood needs for safety, security, and reliability weren’t met, you may have trouble trusting your partner or being vulnerable in relationships. But don’t lose hope! Make sure to date someone who proves themselves trustworthy and communicates openly. As the relationship progresses, try opening up in small ways and look for signs that sharing more of yourself is safe. With time and patience, trust can be rebuilt.
Self-Esteem Problems
Not having your needs met as a child can damage your self-esteem, making you more prone to jealousy, control issues, or codependence in relationships. Work on loving yourself, setting boundaries, and not relying on your partner for validation. Pursue your interests and accomplishments to build confidence from the inside out. Learn to feel secure on your own two feet and have healthier relationships.
While changing the past is impossible, you can shape your future. If you had unmet needs growing up resulting in an attachment disorder, the first step toward healing is recognizing the need for healing. Book an appointment with us today so we can support you on this journey.
Why Insecurity Is Affecting Your Relationship and What To Do About It
You know that nagging feeling — the one telling you you’re not good enough for your partner? That’s insecurity talking. Insecurity can poison even the healthiest relationships, making you doubt yourself and your partner. It’s normal to feel insecure in a relationship from time to time. But chronic insecurity can damage the foundation of trust and intimacy you’ve built. If your partner frequently doubts themselves, you, or the relationship, it’s essential to understand why.
How Insecurity Negatively Impacts Your Relationship
Insecurity inevitably seeps into a relationship. It makes you question your partner’s feelings and motives, even when there’s no reason to doubt them.
1. Constantly Seeking Validation
Feeling insecure means constantly seeking validation from your partner. While reassurance is normal in a healthy relationship, needing it daily or multiple times a day is exhausting for your partner and makes you seem needy. It also prevents real intimacy from forming.
2. Having Trouble Trusting
When you’re insecure, you have difficulty trusting that your partner’s feelings for you are honest and lasting. You may accuse them of things they haven’t done or worry they will leave you for someone else. This lack of trust damages the foundation of your relationship and may even become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. Depending on Your Partner for Happiness
Relying on your partner to make you feel happy and secure puts an unrealistic burden on the relationship. No one person can be responsible for another’s happiness and security. When you make your partner the center of your world, you lose your sense of self and independence, causing resentment.
4. Comparing Yourself to Others
Feeling insecure often means comparing yourself to others and worrying you don’t measure up in your partner’s eyes. But the truth is, your partner chose to be with you for who you are — flaws and all. Comparing yourself to others only makes you feel worse and damages your self-esteem and the relationship.
Tips to Overcome Insecurity as a Couple
1. Communicate Openly
Talk to your partner about your feelings of insecurity. Let them know specifically what triggers your doubts and anxieties. Hearing them reassure you can help put your mind at ease. Make sure the lines of communication stay open — if new concerns arise, express them immediately instead of bottling them up.
2. Reassure Each Other
Give your partner frequent compliments, affection, and words of affirmation. Hold hands, tell each other you love them. Physical intimacy leads to emotional intimacy and security. Also, express your commitment to the relationship and future together.
3. Learn to Love Yourself First
The foundation of any healthy relationship is self-love. When you accept and appreciate yourself, you will be in a much better position to find a caring partner who loves you for who you are. However, many people struggle with insecurity and a lack of self-esteem, which can seriously damage relationships.
4. Address the Root Cause of Your Insecurity
Your insecurity likely stems from past experiences that caused you to doubt yourself. Maybe you had critical parents, bullying, or unhealthy relationships. The first step is acknowledging how these experiences impacted your self-worth. Speaking to a therapist or counselor can help you work through these issues.
5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Notice your negative thoughts about yourself and try to reframe them in a more positive, realistic way. For example, if you think, “No one will ever love me,” change that to, “I am worthy of love, and there are caring people who will appreciate me.” Speak to yourself with compassion and encouragement. Over time, the negative self-talk will fade.
6. Set Boundaries
Don’t let your insecurity cause you to become overly accommodating or a people-pleaser. Prioritize your needs while respecting your partner’s. Say “no” when you need to, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings. Healthy boundaries will boost your confidence and lead to better connections.
Avoid blaming each other, and focus on open communication. If you need help achieving this, book an appointment with us today.
How Insecurity Can Affect Your Relationship
Even if they don’t admit it, every person is insecure about something. We all would like to change something about ourselves, even if we don’t admit it out loud. We may not like our physical appearance or some part of our personality.
Additionally, it’s common to feel insecure about the people in our lives. You might question the intentions of your partner or a new friend. Maybe you grapple with questions such as, “Why haven’t they left me yet,” and catastrophize the event of your partner leaving, even if there’s no evidence of that occurring.
While we all have insecurities, they can impact our relationships. Here are a few ways and, most importantly, how to deal with them.
Insecurity and Its Impact On Relationships
Constant Need for Reassurance
It’s normal and completely human to feel the need for validation occasionally. After all, we all want to know that we are loved, appreciated, or any number of things. But how often are you doing this? Does it seem as if you are the one constantly asking for reassurance about your own worth with your partner?
This could be a sign of many things. One, it is a classic sign that, in some ways, you are insecure about your relationship or your place in your partner’s life. Alternatively, it could indicate that your partner isn’t communicating with you. Also, how often are you giving your partner the same reassurance?
Regardless of the situation, this creates an imbalance in the relationship when it seems one-sided versus a partnership.
Codependency
When you rely on someone else for happiness, you lose some of your independence. This can also lead to a risk of the relationship becoming codependent.
When you are insecure about your relationship or yourself, you will turn to your partner to seek validation. As we mentioned earlier, that’s completely fine. However, when you cannot find a good give-and-take, it can put a lot of strain on the relationship.
Sometimes, one partner relies more on the other, but it should never be one-sided.
Conflict
Inevitably, insecurity leads to arguments and tension in a relationship. When one partner constantly needs reassurance, it adds consistent pressure on the other person to do so. High tensions in a relationship can affect the relationship by causing a couple to argue about absolutely everything.
Insecurities can lead to toxic behaviors that are fueled by jealousy. For example, due to insecurities in a relationship, you might unintentionally cause arguments. When one person is constantly doubting the other, it can put a wedge between them. One of the consequences of this could be that trust is lost.
How to Deal With Insecurity
If you are dealing with insecurity in your relationship, it is likely making you feel as if the relationship is doomed. However, even though insecurity is present in the relationship, that does not mean the relationship is toxic.
While insecurities may not harm the relationship, they can cause some of the issues we listed above and more if they become out of control. Dealing with insecurities, whether it is with ourselves or our partners, is a deeply personal experience. When it comes to our own insecurities, we often don’t want to face them due to the root cause of why they are occurring. And knowing your partner has insecurities is just as challenging because you don’t want to bring them up and hurt their feelings.
If you aren’t sure where to start, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for couples counseling. Therapy can help you tackle the issues that are causing problems in your relationship as well as strengthen your connection with each other.
The Importance of Intellectual Chemistry in Relationships
When most people talk about chemistry in a relationship, their minds travel to physical chemistry. Of course, physical chemistry is often the very first connection we make with another person we may want to date. While physical chemistry is important in a relationship, other areas should not be overlooked. For example, it’s also important for a couple to have strong emotional and intellectual chemistry.
Intellectual chemistry plays a crucial role in the overall happiness levels of the couple. But why is this so important?
What Is Intellectual Chemistry and Why Is It Important?
Intellectual chemistry does not mean that you need to find someone who is just as smart or smarter than you. Rather, it refers to connecting with someone and engaging in conversations that stimulate you. Communication is one of the basic building blocks of every healthy relationship. When you have good communication with your partner, it adds value and substance to it.
It Encourages Growth
Intellectual chemistry encourages each individual person to learn and promotes self-growth. It provides a space for you to inspire each other and explore new ideas or topics together. When you are helping each other grow, it helps to strengthen the connection between each other.
It Encourages Expression
Knowing you can trust your partner is another crucial ingredient for a healthy relationship. Good intellectual chemistry makes you more likely to open up to each other and express your thoughts and feelings. You trust that your thoughts and feelings are validated and your partner understands where you are coming from. Neither of you will feel as if you will just be dismissed. Will there be misunderstandings? Of course, there will be.
Good communication with each other does not mean you will always be on the same page all the time. Instead, you may disagree, but you know that your partner will at least attempt to understand your perspective.
It Encourages Emotional Intimacy
In most cases, if one key area of intimacy is missing from a relationship, it can impact the relationship overall. Sharing intellectual chemistry with your partner will help you connect emotionally and physically. As we mentioned above, having strong intellectual chemistry encourages you to be open and understanding with each other.
It Encourages a Great Support System
Knowing you are connecting with your partner on multiple levels helps you feel validated and secure in the relationship. No matter what happens within your personal lives, you know firsthand that they have your back. And they know the same to be true for you.
It Helps You Set Boundaries
When we talk about strong intellectual chemistry, we encourage an open flow of communication about various topics and ideas. Now, that doesn’t mean you will agree with each other on every single topic. There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree about certain topics.
When you understand what topics tend to lead to arguments and conflict and you can’t seem to resolve them, intellectual chemistry can be beneficial. You can agree that certain topics, such as politics, are off-limits because your views are entirely different. Be respectful of each other’s differing views and learn to set boundaries on what you will bring up with each other.
How to Improve Intellectual Chemistry
No relationship is perfect. Even with strong intellectual chemistry, it will not always go smoothly. You’ll get into arguments about little things or even big things. The point of having intellectual chemistry is not to make your relationship flawless.
Instead, the point is to strengthen your connection and improve communication. Fostering these two things can improve your intellectual chemistry and heal any past wounds. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy and how it can help.
Why Intellectual Chemistry Matters in a Relationship
When we think of chemistry in a relationship, our thoughts first travel to physical chemistry. While many people believe physical chemistry to be the most important aspect of a relationship, it’s only one of many.
Any relationship has four pillars of chemistry — physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. They are all important, but each couple will value these types of chemistry differently.
Intellectual chemistry is one of the pillars of a relationship that is often overlooked. So why is it important?
What Is Intellectual Chemistry?
Intellectual chemistry refers to feeling mentally attracted to the person we are with. While intellectual chemistry might not be as important as the other pillars to some couples, one thing is for certain: fostering a strong mental connection with your partner can improve the relationship overall.
Why Is It Important?
Most relationships begin with physical attraction. However, as time passes, physical attraction often loses its grip on being the sole focus of the relationship. During this shift, your mental connection with your partner becomes increasingly vital.
Humans, more or less, are social creatures. We crave connection with other people and generally look to our relationships as the source of fulfillment in several areas. But how do you know your intellectual chemistry is strong?
Signs of Strong Intellectual Chemistry
1. Talking to Each Other Is Easy
This is a sign of strong intellectual chemistry if you never have to interpret your partner’s words or rephrase your own. Another strong sign is when you don’t feel bored by your conversations. The ability to have easy conversations with each other doesn’t mean you always agree with each other. In fact, you’ll likely have many conversations where you don’t see eye to eye.
However, when you can communicate effectively, these conversations won’t become a fight but a valuable discussion.
2. You Respect Each Other’s Opinions
You and your partner likely have many things in common. On the other hand, you’ll probably have just as many topics that you don’t. No matter what, though, you should always respect each other’s opinions. A couple with strong intellectual chemistry won’t let their differences come between them.
3. You Help Each Other Grow
Another strong sign of intellectual chemistry is when you and your partner work as a team. While you are also focused on individual growth, you should naturally want to see your partner grow. You’re dedicated to helping them become better people — not because you think they are flawed but because you want to see them be the absolute best version of themselves.
How to Strengthen Your Intellectual Chemistry
After reading through those signs, you likely have an idea of how you can improve your relationship. However, fostering a strong intellectual chemistry doesn’t always come naturally to everyone, especially if there has been a breakdown in communication in the past. Strengthening your intellectual chemistry is possible, but it won’t be an overnight change.
A great way to strengthen your bond is to do things together that are interactive. Watch movies or TV shows and discuss what happened and what you like most about the show. Try reading the same book together and discussing that. Or, take a cooking class or other hobby skill class. By doing fun things together, you not only get to shake things up from the status quo, but you can also use it as a way to become closer to them emotionally.
If you are struggling with your relationship, feel free to reach out to learn more about couples therapy. Whether you are constantly arguing or don’t feel a connection with them, we can help you get that spark back.
What is Emotional Neglect in a Relationship?
No relationship is perfect. When you are in a relationship with another person, it takes sacrifice and commitment from both to make things work. Things won’t always work smoothly, though, but that’s normal. Spotting issues in a relationship, whether from the outside or inside, can be challenging.
While it is sometimes overlooked, one of the more challenging parts of a relationship is balancing each other’s needs and wants. While physical intimacy is often the main focus of a relationship, emotional intimacy is equally important. It may be surprising to hear, but emotional neglect is very real and has a damaging effect on a person’s mental health as well as the relationship.
What Is Emotional Neglect?
At its core, emotional neglect involves the absence of emotional responsiveness or support within a relationship. In cases like this, it is not about what is being done but what is not.
There are many ways that emotional neglect can manifest in a relationship. These may include:
Failure to nurture the emotional connection with each other.
Not validating one partner’s feelings.
Not allowing a safe space for expression and honesty.
Emotional neglect does not leave a physical scar. However, the effects of emotional neglect can be just as profound and impactful as physical neglect or abuse.
A big challenge with detecting emotional neglect is the fact that it is very subtle in nature. Often, it starts to take root in a relationship gradually and goes unnoticed. It often doesn’t even start intentionally. Instead, it takes root because we all live busy lives and become preoccupied with other responsibilities.
What Is The Impact Of Emotional Neglect?
When emotional neglect goes unnoticed, it can create feelings of loneliness, resentment, and insecurity. This often erodes the foundation of trust and honesty in a relationship, two of the main foundations of any relationship.
Why does this happen? There are so many different reasons for emotional neglect. Beyond life’s common hustle and bustle, someone may be neglectful because of issues stemming from their childhood or past relationships. Or, they may struggle with something internally pulling their focus away from their partner.
Can You Heal From Emotional Neglect?
Just like you can heal from physical scars, you can move forward with your partner if you feel as if your emotions are being neglected.
5 Tips to Better Communicate with Your ADHD Partner
All couples have different communication styles. You will very rarely see two individuals who communicate in the same exact way. This couldn’t be any more true for couples where one partner has ADHD.
ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, contrary to popular belief, is something that impacts adults, too, not just children. Having ADHD, or any other condition, does not mean that there is anything wrong with the person. Instead, being neurodivergent just means that the brain behaves differently.
Healthy communication in a relationship that is impacted by ADHD is absolutely possible. Getting there takes some work, but the same can be said for all relationships.
Here are five tips to communicate with your ADHD partner.
5 Tips to Better Communicate with Your ADHD Partner
1. Understand ADHD
The first step to being able to communicate with your partner is to understand what they have. There is a lot of misinformation and misconceptions about what living with ADHD is like. So, one of the first steps is researching how ADHD impacts somebody’s life.
By doing the proper research, you’ll be able to recognize the signs of ADHD in your partner that you may not have realized was due to the condition.
2. Focus On What They Are Saying
While they are talking, ensure that you aren’t distracted. That means putting away your phone or turning off the TV while in the middle of a conversation.
Being easily distracted is something that many, if not all, ADHDers struggle with. There’s a good chance that when you are talking together, they already have trouble focusing on the conversation. Showing them you are committed to paying attention during these times can also help them focus.
3. Don’t Take Things Too Personally
Someone who has ADHD is often impulsive. Often, they do or say things without thinking first. There’s nothing wrong with that in a lot of situations. However, this can often lead to disagreements when communicating.
How often have you heard your partner with ADHD say something that seems mean, condescending, or hurtful toward you? We can’t speak for all cases, but in many, this is often unintentional. Impulse control refers not just to behaviors but to words as well.
We all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret, and someone with ADHD will often “go there” without even realizing it. Blurting things out that are on their mind is something that people with ADHD may do. So, when communicating with them, keep this in mind.
4. Accept Your Differences In Communication
We all have different communication styles. Often, these communication styles stem from early childhood relationships that we were influenced by. Keep in mind that no one actively chooses to communicate or react in the ways that they do. Rather, it is a learned behavior.
Learned behaviors can be retaught, but it won’t happen overnight. Instead of trying to change each other outright, couples should try to accept their differences and then learn to compromise to reach common middle ground. This is especially important for those who have ADHD because they likely already feel frustrated by this condition as it is. You should never make your partner feel worse about something they can’t control.
5. Try Counseling
It’s commonplace to blame communication issues on one set thing instead of looking at the bigger picture. The truth is, while ADHD can influence communication styles, there is often more to it than just that.
If there is a breakdown in communication between you and your partner, ADHD may influence it, but that doesn’t mean it’s the cause. Working with a counselor can help you learn the root cause of your problems and then work together.
Reach out to learn more about how couples therapy can help improve your communication with your ADHD partner.