Hi and hope are doing well! I get on these kicks and my clients know that and put up with me and I want to share my last kick with you as well. No, it’s not you, it’s me. Who really believes it when someone says this to them? Have you ever had a break-up in your life and you heard this phrase? If so, welcome to the club. This phrase can be so hard to hear and I have finally cracked the code on what it means to me and I just wanted to share with you!

No, it’s not you, it’s me relates to the kick I’ve been on that deals with what you can control.

What you can control breaks down to this:

What you do and How you react

Seems pretty simple right, but how does this affect your relationship? Well, how many times have you blamed your partner for getting you upset? Have you really looked at those times and asked yourself, hey self how could I have reacted differently or what should I do differently next time?

Let’s break this down even further to what really changes a conversation to a fight. It’s called triggers and those are the things that really prevent you from controlling how you act and how you react. I can be the calmest person, but if I get triggered, watch out, either relationship tiger or mama bear can come out and attack at any moment.

What are some triggers and how do we notice them?

What Triggered Me…

• I felt excluded I felt powerless I felt unheard I felt scolded
• I felt judged I felt blamed I felt disrespected I felt lack of attention
• I felt uncared for I felt lonely I felt ignored I felt controlled
• I felt forgotten I felt unsafe I felt unloved I felt frustrated
• I felt disconnected I felt trapped I felt lack of passion I felt manipulated

You notice how all of these start with “I felt”?

I will tell you that when you are in an argument with someone that you love and you get triggered, it’s not them that causes you to get triggered, it’s you. Triggers are within us and they can control us or help us understand better.

Do you know your triggers? Did you know that you were getting triggered each time you had a fight about how you were feeling inside? If you didn’t know, this is the time to self reflect and start to understand what gets you upset and what triggers you, then you can begin to understand more about the concept, no, it’s not you, it’s me.  Once you understand your triggers, or can at least identify one, reach out and let me know how you stopped yourself from getting upset.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you!