When we hear the word burnout, we often think about work and life. We feel burned out from our stressful jobs, busy schedules after work, and everything in between. The stress and exhaustion come from just trying to stay afloat and balanced.

Many people haven’t heard of burnout in terms of our relationships. However, it’s a concept that many will be familiar with. In fact, at some point, many relationships will experience burnout. Even though relationship burnout comes with many challenges, the good news is that it can be overcome.

What Is Relationship Burnout?

Relationship burnout refers to the chronic stress that occurs between two people. This stress often places a shadow on the couple, causing more tension and conflict.

Signs of Relationship Burnout

There are many different signs of relationship burnout that a couple can experience. Burnout is often felt, but neither partner always realizes it is occurring.

1. Constant Fighting

A telltale sign of relationship burnout is if a couple constantly argues. While all couples will fight, there comes a point when it is considered unhealthy. Whereas in the past, conflict was quickly resolved and moved on from, it might seem that now conflict creates more distance between you.

2. Feeling Disconnected

If you aren’t spending as much time together, or when you do, there’s no emotional intimacy, it might be a sign of relationship burnout. Feeling disconnected from our partners will inevitably happen. However, when these feelings of disconnection continue, it can point to a larger issue at play.

3. Are You More Critical of Each Other?

Does it seem as if you are constantly correcting each other? Or, no matter what you try, it just isn’t enough for them? Maybe you are making small jabs at each other or saying disrespectful things in the heat of the moment. These negative comments are often a manifestation of relationship burnout trying to come to the surface.

4. Shutting Each Other Out

Another classic sign of relationship burnout is completely icing each other out. At some point, all the arguing, conflict, and tension between you two comes to an ugly peak. Inevitably, someone will often break down and completely withdraw from their partner. They no longer want to try to deal with the tension and stress that comes from the relationship. When this occurs, it’s the mind’s way of saying, “This is enough, and something needs to change.” Unfortunately, going about how to change this isn’t that clear, so it can be “easier” to just shut each other out for the time being.

Can You Recover From Relationship Burnout?

Absolutely. Relationship burnout will inevitably happen, but that doesn’t mean you must stay stuck in that maladaptive cycle.

Talk to your partner. Start with the basics when you are stuck in a cycle of not understanding each other. What are the needs and wants of your relationship together? What do you need your partner to do to feel seen, heard, safe, and loved? While it’s uncomfortable to talk about our relationships, it’s a necessary step to fostering a stronger connection with each other.

When you talk to your partner, use “I” statements. These statements should describe how you feel about a situation and are not to place blame or criticism on your partner. “I feel as if you don’t listen to me when I am talking to you.” vs. “You never listen to what I have to say!” are two similar statements, but their meaning differs.

Spend quality time with each other again. Life gets busy, and we feel burned out from that alone. However, we must commit to spending quality time with our partners. Go out on a date, or have a date night-in. Even spending 20 minutes in the evening just talking can help you strengthen your connection.

Relationship burnout can happen for many reasons, but it can be overcome with commitment from both people to turn things around. If you recognize signs of burnout in your relationship, don’t hesitate to learn more about couples therapy.