How has your summer been?  Are you finding time to connect?  Is life as crazy as ever or do you find more time to spend together?  I’m hoping that its finding more time to spend together!

If you are spending more time together, is it fun?  Are you arguing more? Do you notice that you have the same arguments about the same few things?  

No, I’m not a mind reader, but most of us do this (Yes, me included.)  When you are with someone, you inherit their problems, well there are problems to you and might not be to them.  Regardless it makes you fight and when you do fight, how do you know that fight is completely done?  Umm, not sure?  Let’s talk about it.

I talk a lot about triggers with my couples and your core and what is really important to you.  Meaning what will get you to fight and what can you let go? For me, it’s a lot about respect and feeling cherished.  If I’m feeling those two things then I can let others go. If I’m not, then it seems as if the nit picking is through the roof!

So, how do you know that a fight is truly behind you?

Just the facts
Can you agree to just agree on this one?  Are you sure? If your giving in, that’s not the same as agreeing so if you’re calm and talking about facts that’s a good sign!

Code words
Love can be complicated for sure and that includes fighting.  If you have repeat fights over and over again, how about you come up with a code word to alert each other when that’s happening.  Start to notice when you get into that pattern.

All the triggers
Once you know your triggers, you can figure out what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong.  Remember it’s all within you. Your partner is not making you upset, you’re upset about something. Keep a record of what upsets you and try to be mindful of them.

Calm talking
Once you both have calmed down, sit down and talking about what happened.  Talk about emotions, your perspective, your triggers, how you can take responsibility and what you are sorry about.  Doing this whole process will help you truly move past this incident.

Is this easy? 

Nope, no way, no how and nada.  Truly moving past an argument that you have time and time again will help you learn how to work on the good stuff, stay connected and want to spend more quality time with each other!