I’ve been asked (or maybe I’m just talking about it this week) on the difference between needs and wants.

When I was a new mom and I was wondering how the heck I would take care of 2 kids (a baby and a toddler) at the same time while I was breastfeeding one and the other has never left my side, arggghhh!!  I was given the best advice:

Babies have needs, toddlers have wants, decide who needs you more!!

Wow, that was so powerful, quotable and helpful because when you’re sleep deprived and not knowing what you’re doing, how do you do it all? Um, you take turns, take a breathe and figure it out.

So, I was thinking about this again with my clients this week. I had some great conversations about it and how we can think about what we need in our relationships compared to what we want.

What I believe my needs are

Trust

So important to me to be able to trust my partner. This takes on a different meaning for me because I can trust him not to cheat on me, but I can’t always trust that he will do what he says. I need someone that will do what they say and say what they will do.

Emotions

I’m a therapist and anyone that’s with me needs to know that talking about emotions is important to me. I need to work through things, get rid of the upset feelings and get to the true emotions behind what we’re talking about. Guess I can call them triggers as well.

Co-Parenting

Yes, there can only be one parent that is working at a time, but there are two parents that need to be parenting all the time. Even though I work, and so does he, I need to feel as if our children are both of our responsibilities all the time. Work in progress here.

Talking

This is huge for me and I need this so much. I need to talk things out and work out what needs to be worked out. The silence is a killer for me. Huge need is to talk.

Let’s switch to some of my wants

Plans

I’m a planner and I like to have plans made. Something about having plans made is soothing to me and lets me get excited about things and helps me stay calm. My partner is a “spur of the moment” kinda guy so this is always a work in progress.

Vacations

I’m putting this in the wants section because it’s not a need. I do enjoy going away, seeing new things and of course planning it all!

Healthy Lifestyle

This is a need for me and I do this personally to stay sane, but it’s a want in my life because I can’t make anyone do anything solely for me. Maybe it’s a want/need!

In Summary

I’m going to stop there because I can add a lot more wants but in reality, I’m okay with getting my needs met. My needs are my core and when I get my needs met, I’m happy and content with my relationship.

How about you? Do you know your wants and needs?  Do you need help distinguishing them Let’s hear from you and how you distinguish the two.