{"id":455,"date":"2018-04-20T07:39:18","date_gmt":"2018-04-20T11:39:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/?p=455"},"modified":"2018-06-25T15:46:50","modified_gmt":"2018-06-25T19:46:50","slug":"focus-big-picture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2018\/04\/20\/focus-big-picture\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Focus on the Big Picture?"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, how did you two first meet?<\/h1>\n

When couples come to me for the first time, as we get started <\/a>I ask them, \u201cSo, how did you two first meet?\u201d\u00a0 This is met by a few different reactions. They do tell me but then they go straight into problem talk.\u00a0 How do we focus on the big picture?<\/p>\n

I love this question and picked it up at a Gottman training.<\/a> I love seeing how people answer, if they smile, if they have different stories such as a he\/said she said and how they tell it. It’s always a great reminder of all the good. Yes, we get to the bad as well, but I like to start off with the good. I like to remind couples what made them fall in love.<\/p>\n

My second favorite question is, \u201cHow do you know she\/he was the one?\u201d I\u2019m really looking for characteristics here and I usually get them. It takes us a while to get to when the relationship went wrong and when it does it usually involves a few major things. So when we get to that part, we realize that the parts that made you fall in love with your partner are still there, just hidden by the things that now drive you crazy.<\/p>\n

So, how do you focus on the big picture and remember how it felt in the beginning?\u00a0 Here are some tips.<\/p>\n

1. Relook at your wedding album<\/h3>\n

These pictures are priceless and beautiful. Take the album out once in a while and maybe even put on your first dance song while looking at them.<\/p>\n

2. Ask your partner out on dates<\/a><\/h3>\n

It feels really nice to be asked out on a date. Do it! Go out on lots of dates!!!!<\/p>\n

3. Do your rituals of connection<\/a><\/h3>\n

If you ever talk to me in a therapy room, you’ll here about these. Here are a few examples: Say hello to each other, kiss each other goodbye, find time to talk, say goodnight to each other, stay connected.<\/p>\n

4. One night a week, do your state of the union meeting<\/h3>\n

Again I talk about this one quite a lot.\u00a0 Compliment each other, listen to each other and talk to each other about your stress.<\/p>\n

5. Share alone time with friends\/families<\/h3>\n

Yes, it’s great to connect all the time, but it’s also good to miss each other.\u00a0 Stay connected while you do and it’ll be great!<\/p>\n

Wrapping Up<\/h2>\n

All of these are about create intimacy <\/a>between you both.\u00a0 It makes the small stuff not such a big deal. If you’re doing intimate things, who cleans the kitchen or takes out the trash?\u00a0 It just doesn\u2019t seem as if it’s such a big deal.\u00a0 Enjoy each other and remember to talk about how you met and relive that moment each and every day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, how did you two first meet? When couples come to me for the first time, as we get started I ask them, \u201cSo, how did you two first meet?\u201d\u00a0 This is met by a few different reactions. They do tell me but then they go straight into problem talk.\u00a0 How do we focus on…
Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,111,8],"tags":[67,2,97,108,72,73,77,20,35,109,3],"class_list":["post-455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples","category-gottman-method","category-therapy","tag-communication","tag-counseling","tag-couples","tag-date-night","tag-gottman","tag-listening","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-relationships","tag-rituals","tag-therapy"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Do You Focus on the Big Picture? - Face to Face Therapy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When couples come to me for the first time, as we get started I ask them, \u201cSo, how did you two first meet?\u201d\u00a0 This is met by a few different reactions. 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