{"id":340,"date":"2017-10-21T10:02:09","date_gmt":"2017-10-21T14:02:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/?p=340"},"modified":"2018-01-29T14:11:24","modified_gmt":"2018-01-29T19:11:24","slug":"when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/","title":{"rendered":"When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Okay, true story that happened today and I had to reflect on it and then share it with all of you. \u00a0So, my husband reached out to me for emotional support about something that happened at work and he was feeling bad about it. \u00a0I had to think about what I was going to say to him, to not make him feel any worse and try to boost him up.\u00a0\u00a0When I heard him tell me what he did, my first thought was not very nice and I almost said, \u201cI told you so.\u201d \u00a0Luckily for me and our relationship I caught myself and remembered all the wonderful ways to boost your partner instead of putting them down.<\/p>\n

For the most part when someone is coming to you to tell you that they made a mistake, regret what they did or wronged someone, they already feel bad about what they did. \u00a0Guilt is eternal and if they are feeling guilty already there is no reason to use these words \u201cI told you so\u201d.<\/p>\n

We have an exercise in The Gottman Method called the stress reducing conversation. \u00a0It is a conversation between you and your partner that has nothing to do with your relationship. \u00a0The whole idea is to be an emphatic listener, not to solve the problem and to most importantly, not to side with the enemy! \u00a0The enemy can be anyone that you feel is right and your partner is wrong. \u00a0If your partner is coming to you with a sincere conversation, now is not the time to tell them all the faults about who they are. \u00a0I know it might take some restraint to hold your tongue and just listen, give emphatic support and learn something new about something that happened to your partner. \u00a0The hardest part is not to give advice or criticize <\/a>them while they are talking.<\/p>\n

So, in a nutshell, there is never a good time to say \u201cI told you so.\u201d \u00a0If you feel those words coming out of your mouth, take a breathe and remember that you love your partner and they already feel bad about their actions. \u00a0You making them feel worse will just push you two further away. \u00a0Giving support when your partner needs it the most is what makes a hard relationship great! \u00a0Learning how to encourage, support and love your partner unconditionally is all that they need to hear when they come to you. \u00a0Because if they are coming to you, it means you are their person to share and get emotional support from. \u00a0When you start making them feel bad, they might stop coming to you first and find someone else to share with. \u00a0When this happens, your relationship suffers.<\/p>\n

Yes, I am saying that if your partner shares with you, you give emotional support and that is what I did. \u00a0I learned a lesson today and wanted to share it with all of you. \u00a0Relationships are always work and thinking about your partner\u2019s needs before yours is something that keeps you together. \u00a0Enjoy each other and support each other. \u00a0We know the world is hard enough to be told,\u201dI told you so.\u201d by your partner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Okay, true story that happened today and I had to reflect on it and then share it with all of you. \u00a0So, my husband reached out to me for emotional support about something that happened at work and he was feeling bad about it. \u00a0I had to think about what I was going to say…
Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":395,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,111,66],"tags":[67,97,72,73,35,25,31],"class_list":["post-340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples","category-gottman-method","category-stress","tag-communication","tag-couples","tag-gottman","tag-listening","tag-relationships","tag-respect","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen is a good time to tell your partner "I told you so?" - Face to Face Therapy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When is a good time to tell your partner "I told you so?" - Face to Face Therapy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Okay, true story that happened today and I had to reflect on it and then share it with all of you. \u00a0So, my husband reached out to me for emotional support about something that happened at work and he was feeling bad about it. \u00a0I had to think about what I was going to say... Read More\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Face to Face Therapy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"6000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"4000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dr. Lagrotte\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Dr. Lagrotte\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Dr. Lagrotte\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b\"},\"headline\":\"When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\"},\"wordCount\":543,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"communication\",\"Couples\",\"Gottman\",\"listening\",\"relationships\",\"respect\",\"Stress\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Couples\",\"Gottman Method\",\"Stress\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\",\"name\":\"When is a good time to tell your partner \\\"I told you so?\\\" - Face to Face Therapy\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg\",\"width\":6000,\"height\":4000},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Face to Face Therapy\",\"description\":\"Blog of Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b\",\"name\":\"Dr. Lagrotte\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68533ebf9d484533e5b44fce381d3f733dc0d35a5acdf344f1b17074ef721f07?s=96&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68533ebf9d484533e5b44fce381d3f733dc0d35a5acdf344f1b17074ef721f07?s=96&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Dr. Lagrotte\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/author\/jenniferfacetofacetherapy-com\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"When is a good time to tell your partner \"I told you so?\" - Face to Face Therapy","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"When is a good time to tell your partner \"I told you so?\" - Face to Face Therapy","og_description":"Okay, true story that happened today and I had to reflect on it and then share it with all of you. \u00a0So, my husband reached out to me for emotional support about something that happened at work and he was feeling bad about it. \u00a0I had to think about what I was going to say... Read More","og_url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/","og_site_name":"Face to Face Therapy","article_published_time":"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00","og_image":[{"width":6000,"height":4000,"url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Dr. Lagrotte","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Dr. Lagrotte","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/"},"author":{"name":"Dr. Lagrotte","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b"},"headline":"When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”","datePublished":"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00","dateModified":"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/"},"wordCount":543,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg","keywords":["communication","Couples","Gottman","listening","relationships","respect","Stress"],"articleSection":["Couples","Gottman Method","Stress"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/","url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/","name":"When is a good time to tell your partner \"I told you so?\" - Face to Face Therapy","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg","datePublished":"2017-10-21T14:02:09+00:00","dateModified":"2018-01-29T19:11:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/told-you-so.jpg","width":6000,"height":4000},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/2017\/10\/21\/when-is-a-good-time-to-tell-your-partner-i-told-you-so\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"When is a good time to tell your partner “I told you so?”"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/","name":"Face to Face Therapy","description":"Blog of Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c730d1d4e86d579b9f86b98732f857b","name":"Dr. Lagrotte","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68533ebf9d484533e5b44fce381d3f733dc0d35a5acdf344f1b17074ef721f07?s=96&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68533ebf9d484533e5b44fce381d3f733dc0d35a5acdf344f1b17074ef721f07?s=96&r=pg","caption":"Dr. Lagrotte"},"url":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/author\/jenniferfacetofacetherapy-com\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=340"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":341,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340\/revisions\/341"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/395"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=340"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=340"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.facetofacetherapy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=340"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}